I just don't know how to (for lack of a better word) make others see me for more than just a friend.
You don't. It's complex and subtle and annoying. 😉
You don't turn someone who doesn't love you into some who does. You keep looking until you find a person who was already going to love you. And there are many, even when it doesn't seem like there are. And it takes a maddeningly long time for some folks. It did for me.
I can only tell you that my best results have come from replying with a neutral "Thank you", then repeating the questions. I prefer it when they answer all my questions, but ultimately, if I want answers, I need to persist, and so I do.
Excessive apologies can feel disingenuous and perfunctory. That makes it difficult for me to know when an apology is genuine. That erodes my trust.
Excessive apologies can signal to me that the other person sees me as a threat, and I don't want to feel like a threat, so I feel attacked.
But I could also choose to interpret excessive apologies as a sign of past trauma, so I could choose to have compassion and patiently ask the other person to talk to me about what's going on. I can share how I feel and hope that they feel ready to discuss what's happening for them. Patience would be key.
What's normal is that you had a traumatic experience, then internalized a Survival Rule to avoid repeating the behavior that led to the trauma. Depending on your age when the original incident happened, the Survival Rule might sit very deep, causing you to follow it even without thinking and without knowing why.
All that is normal: expected, sensible, reasonable.
The rule itself might no longer be needed. Can you imagine a situation in which it would be perfectly fine to interpret as a joke something that someone says without specifying it as a joke? Can you imagine three? Ten?
Now it depends whether you mean actual DEI or the nonsense that companies do in the name of DEI or the unfortunate overreaction that some people support related to DEI due to the resistance to actual, reasonable, sensible DEI.
"... regardless of all other factors..." sounds like the second of these.
Not constantly changing things until there is something significant to release is a path to the stability that I value. Meantime, packages run and the system works.
I never wanted a hobby, but rather an operating system. I've been using Pop! for over six years. I only had one stretch where I felt like I was chasing annoying bugs and I don't remember it clearly enough to remember how long it lasted.
I don't understand why such minced oaths are socially acceptable among people who don't want to swear for religious reasons. Do they really not realize that they're thinking "fuck" and effectively saying "fuck"?!
And what about the Catholics who take the position that a sin in thought is just as evil as a sin in deed?
Either say "fuck" or stop even thinking "fuck". Anything in between is disingenuous bullshit.
To answer your question, no. I try to comply with folks who don't want me to swear around their kids, but I volunteer to do that as a courtesy and can't be coerced into it except by real force, such as threatening my physical safety or livelihood.
Forget IQ for a moment, for all the good reasons that other people have given you.
One of you will know more than the other or learn more easily than the other. That's unavoidable. Even if the gap seems small, there might be key moments where the gap causes conflict. This is going to happen, whether it's you or them who "is ahead".
The question is this: how do you handle it?
If you treat each other with contempt, that's a problem. That could be you assuming that they are always going to look down or you or them assuming that you're not trying to "be better". There are many ways for this kind do contempt to show itself in your relationship. Each of you has the responsibility to not think that way. Each of you has the responsibility for accepting and loving the other.
If you can't learn to do that, then your relationship is doomed to fail. If you can learn to do that, then you stand a chance.
You both can choose.
Some things about my partner used to irritate me and I learned to accept them for the things they've tried to change but just can't. That acceptance is key.
The second vowel is an unstressed "i". In most varieties of English, since it is unstressed, we pronounce it as a schwa, which sounds roughly like "uh".
If you'd like to articulate that syllable, like you might do in French, then pronounce it like the "i" in "sit". That's completely optional.
jbrains @ jbrains @sh.itjust.works Posts 2Comments 503Joined 2 yr. ago
You don't. It's complex and subtle and annoying. 😉
You don't turn someone who doesn't love you into some who does. You keep looking until you find a person who was already going to love you. And there are many, even when it doesn't seem like there are. And it takes a maddeningly long time for some folks. It did for me.