jbrains @ jbrains @sh.itjust.works

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2

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510

Joined

2 yr. ago

A solar eclipse has been interpreted as a harbinger of doom since the dawn of time. The conspiracy theory is merely a modern evolution of this trend.

I think you could use a coach, but perhaps an older, wiser coach who isn't tied to a specific style of therapy. Unfortunately, coaching is not regulated and therefore you might have to kiss many frogs to find a prince. I apologize that this advice might be true, but not helpful. I don't know how you'd find such a person, except by trial and error.

Whom in your circle do you consider wise, or least experienced? Is there someone there you trust enough to try to have this conversation with?

Peace.

I can understand it all and relate to some of it, but nothing in that description sounds like "lonely" to me.

When you feel like a failure, do you picture someone who is judging you to have failed? What expectation of theirs are you not meeting?

When you feel empty, what's missing for you?

When you feel obliged to be with someone, obliged to whom? What did they do for you that leads you to now feel that you owe them something?

When you feel like something is wrong with you, who is judging you as being wrong? What expectations of theirs are you not meeting?

Whose voice do you hear saying "This is not OK"?

Maybe these answers will reveal something to you to help you make more sense of your feelings.

Peace.

How can you be alone and not feel lonely?

This seems like the key question. Relationships or not might not actually matter here.

What does it mean to you to feel lonely? What kind of lonely is that?

What does cheating mean in this context? What did they have access to that you wish they hadn't? And if that's the case, then why did you make this a take home exam?

I think about burnout simply: if resting no longer leads to recovery, then you're burned out.

Peace. Good luck.

It is a very German looking cat, to be fair. 😜

Lua? Are those even arrays? 🤷‍♂️

I finally build something nontrivial in jq, then this happens...

Chess was written in BASIC?!

Not the one you asked for, but another interesting episode on the topic: https://darknetdiaries.com/episode/141/

I learned about Pump and Dump the hard way. 🤷‍♂️

Edwin A. Abbott has entered the chat...

People who try to work together fail to do it well, so I help them understand why this happens, so that they can do better.

You answered your own question in part. After years of practice, the thoughts I have during formal sitting meditation have spilled out into everyday life. I find it easier to let thoughts flow through me, which helps me react much less strongly in moments such as you describe. Meditation is one way to cultivate that kind of relaxation. It's not even control, but rather repetitive practice and habit.

Trying to control yourself in those situations tends to lead to uneven results, because exercising willpower like that tends to be draining and therefore very sensitive to whatever els is going on for you. If you manage to control yourself, you'll probably want to get out of the situation as soon as possible in order to recover.

I have found a couple of thoughts helpful:

• This moment will pass.
• That kind of reaction (what I used to/typically do) is not helping.

Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Calmly. With subtle determination.

Of course, none of these are quick fixes.

Peace.

The year 1375.

https://www.oed.com/discover/a-brief-history-of-singular-they/?tl=true

One does not (always) do this. The singular "they" is many hundreds of years old.

If it confuses you, then I understand your confusion. Please read about the history of the singular "they" in order to resolve your confusion.

https://www.oed.com/discover/a-brief-history-of-singular-they

Why not choose new words? Languages evolve in a complex way. One reason is that "they" is an easy choice. Another reason is that many speakers react harshly to unfamiliar pronouns, therefore it promotes acceptance to use familiar pronouns in new ways. I wrote with the Spivak pronouns for years, but that led to more distraction than understanding, so when "they" emerged as a standard, I adopted it.

What would it look like to you if there were one? I'm not sure what kind of "similar" you have in your mind.

Many people consider it dehumanizing. Others interpret as a signal of at least insensitivity and at most conscious dehumanizing. It can feel threatening outside certain specific contexts and that depends much on how much you trust the person saying it.

I find it outmoded and jarring. I know people who say it as part of everyday speech and I trust them but I'd prefer it if they spoke differently and I think they're projecting an image worse than they merit.

I don't call things offensive or not, because that oversimplifies the matter. I would find "male" and "female" useful as nouns when I want to refer to biological sex specifically and not confuse it with gender. I would also find the adjectives "manly" and "womanly" useful to refer to gender instead of using "male" and "female". But as long as enough other people feel threatened by some of those words in a neutral context where they don't already trust me, it seems wise to me to be aware of that and not use those words that way.

The whole idea of saying "a white" instead of "a white man" is merely a habit we picked up from Latin, anyway.

Women are tired of feeling forced to look pretty in the same way that men are tired of taking jobs they hate to support their family.

Looking pretty and doing a job are both things that are much nicer when done voluntarily. The idea that that's how women or men are supposed to behave is just outmoded. And that even ignores the rich diversity of gender expression that society is finally just starting to grudgingly accept.