GraniteM @ GraniteM @lemmy.world

Posts

38

Comments

950

Joined

2 yr. ago

Not sure if...

Trump Secures Crucial Brain Eaten By Worm Demographic

...or...

Breaking: Having Brain Eaten By Worm May Lead To Trump Endorsement

...is the more appropriate headline.

Not GPS, but I found myself waking up in the back seat of a car when some friends and I had driven all night to catch a Violent Femmes concert in Pittsburgh. The sun was coming up and they hadn't found our motel. This was in the days of printed MapQuest directions.

I asked "Did you follow the directions from where they started?"

They said "We don't need to start from there, we've already been there!"

I said, "Let me fuggin drive."

So I get behind the wheel and start back tracking to the previously established starting point while they say over and over that we don't need to start from there, they already know that spot, they just need to drive around a little longer and they'll get there eventually.

And then I followed the directions, to the letter, from the starting point on the directions, right straight to the motel.

So the moral of the story is always follow the directions and don't try to improv that shit, because you'll find yourself lost in Pittsburgh.

Also, holy shit, Pittsburgh is laid out on a triangle rather than a rectangular grid, and that will throw you right the fuck off your sense of direction if you're not familiar, which none of us were.

Aw, yours are better!

And I saw when the Lamb opened one of the seals, and I heard, as it were the noise of thunder, one of the four beasts saying, Come and see.

And I saw, and behold a white horse:

It should probably be written "Lesbian GOP candidate." That seems to follow the secret unwritten rules of word order a little better.

Me: Yeah, whatever he said it's probably not good.

"But I really, I watched Sheldon sitting so proud in the White House when we gave Miriam the Presidential Medal of Freedom," he said. "That's the highest award you can get as a civilian. It's the equivalent of the Congressional Medal of Honor, but civilian version, it's actually much better, because everyone gets the Congressional Medal of Honor, they're soldiers. They're either in very bad shape because they've been hit so many times by bullets, or they're dead. She gets it and she's healthy, beautiful woman."

Me: OH, FUCK!

I feel like I recall a story about a chip company that slowly reduced their salt content by like 50% over a number of years and literally no one noticed or complained.

I definitely saw another story about how they were researching pyramid-shaped salt crystals because they have higher surface area to volume, and with cuboid salt you wind up swallowing it before the whole thing even dissolves, so you're not even getting a theoretical flavor experience, it's just going straight into your gut.

We eat too much salt. It's absurd.

Yay, Perry Bible Fellowship!

Article 3. [Freedom in religion; right and duty of religious worship]

That all persons have a natural and unalienable right, to worship Almighty God, according to the dictates of their own consciences and understandings, as in their opinion shall be regulated by the word of God; and that no person ought to, or of right can be compelled to attend any religious worship, or erect or support any place of worship, or maintain any minister, contrary to the dictates of conscience...

—Vermont Constitution, 1793

Really wish we could have got that "or erect or support" clause in the US Constitution. Would have made for some interesting court arguments about tax exempt status.

Okay but hear me out:

I think the creators will share the full script in the context of putting on a production.

Majority of Americans: Support policies X, Y, and Z.

Democrats: Put policies X, Y, and Z into their platform.

Republicans: Extreme socialist Demoncrabs want to destroy America!!!

There's a crowdsourced full-length Shakespearean translation of Pulp Fiction called Bard Fiction, and it's quite good.

JULIUS

Forsooth, did I thy concentration break? Continue, please! Thou did, methinks, now speak Of our ill will. But now thy tongue is still? Allow me, then, to offer a retort. Describe to me Marsellus Wallace, pray.

BRITTANUS

What?

JULIUS

In which far land did thou first come to be?

BRITTANUS

What?

JULIUS

Thou sayest thou dost hail from distant What! I know but naught of thy strange country What. Which language speak they in the land of What?

BRITTANUS

What?

JULIUS

English, base knave, dost thou speak it?

BRITTANUS

Aye!

JULIUS

Then my words are not Greek to thy dull ears.

BRITTANUS Nay!

JULIUS Then hearken to my words and answer them! Describe to me Marsellus Wallace!

BRITTANUS What?

JULIUS (Holds his blade pointed at Brittanus' eye) Speak “What” again! Thou cur, cry “What” again! I dare thee utter “What” again but once! I dare thee twice and spit upon thy name! Now, paint for me a portraiture in words, If thou hast any in thy head but “What”, Of Marsellus Wallace!

During his speech, Spectrum reports that McConnell called the Walz-Harris ticket “the far left of the Democratic Party.”

“And by the way, that’s most Democrats today,” McConnell said, according to Spectrum.

Oh, no! Harris and Walz are representing the will of the majority of the people! Whatever the fuck is to be done about democracy?!

I was looking for a banana daiquiri recipe, but thanks anyway.

I feel like there might be an issue where the volume of each individual elephant is so much greater than each individual fly that you won't just be pachybombarding one BBEG, but the entire area, including where the players are standing.

If you believe that laws forbidding gambling, sale of liquor, sale of contraceptives, requiring definite closing hours, enforcing the Sabbath, or any such, are necessary to the welfare of your community, that is your right and I do not ask you to surrender your beliefs or give up your efforts to put over such laws. But remember that such laws are, at most, a preliminary step in doing away with the evils they indict. Moral evils can never be solved by anything as easy as passing laws alone. If you aid in passing such laws without bothering to follow through by digging in to the involved questions of sociology, economics, and psychology which underlie the causes of the evils you are gunning for, you will not only fail to correct the evils you sought to prohibit but will create a dozen new evils as well.

—Robert A. Heinlein, Take Back Your Government

And how!

There's a pretty cool short story where a guy is looking at the full moon and he realizes that it's gotten way too bright, and that could only happen because the sun has just spontaneously exploded, and he basically just makes peace with the fact that the world is going to be destroyed very shortly.

Harmonica holder