It is not an "excuse." If I'm attacked by a man at night, I will have a more difficult time protecting myself than if a man was attacked at night, on average. Not to mention that you have to ask yourself, what is the attacker after? Because being sexually assaulted or raped is so personal and awful that it's natural to have a higher amount of fear of that outcome.
Like how if you were equally likely of being jumped at night by a stranger as you were of being abducted and having spiky metal spears shoved in your urethra... you might recognize that's it's not super likely you'll get jumped, but you would be way less likely to risk it since the fact that sounding is just too awful to chance (for the vast majority of the population).
Also... my sample size is too small to be statistically relevant, but 100% of the men I know are sure they could "take" a random female attacker.
Unrelated; asking that question was difficult but not for the reason I expected. It was like a game! "Do I have super powers in this scenario?" "Is she armed? Am I armed?" "How much time do I have to prepare?" And my personal favorite, from a particularly well-traveled friend- "Is she like a random person, or one of my exes?"
Edit: The last guy has crunched the numbers and decided he could take all of his exes, unless they team up, which he thinks is unlikely, so I'm continuing to count that toward the 100%.
I don't love that you jumped to listing a bunch of terrible things you projected onto him. Famous dude like that probably did, but listing making out with an underage groupie as if it were just a cheeky thing is kind of awful.
I looked it up and apparently the photo is backstage at the International Hotel in 1969.
In 1973 he was apparently hospitalized for an addiction to pethidine (I had to look it up- Demerol) and when he died, they found several drugs in his system, so my guess is drugs.
Oh and I'm not not a nudist because of prude things. I run chilly so if I don't have clothes on, it's because I'm uncomfortably hot. Just a quick of my biology- I come in two settings, blankets and hoodies, or soaked in sweat.
I'm not really planning on pushing the issue, for all I know Janet got cold feet and is using him as an excuse
I was actually going to point this out. I'm glad you anticipated it.
But also I want to add that I'm a woman in a relationship with a man who would support me doing whatever I want in life, and if I wanted to go on a trip to a nudist place and he didn't, I wouldn't want to go. Not only because I like spending time with him most of all people, but also because, while I don't imagine I'd need to defend myself at such a location, I prefer to have him around in case I ever feel the need for violence. He keeps my hands clean quite nicely.
But it's mostly the "he's my favorite person so if enjoy doing something more if he were there" thing.
The funny thing about this is, my partner is a nudist, and I'm not. I asked him if he would want to go to a nudist resort if I wanted to say no, and he said he'd rather spend time with me at home than go somewhere to be nude (and he doesn't wear anything at home anyway).
I can think of so many jobs that we don't have because they make no money, but that would better society as a whole. There should be no reason we can't... do that.
The best moment in my life (please do not take this as advice because it is strongly not) involved recreational drugs and the reason it was the best was because I experienced a shift in perspective that had long-lived impacts on the rest of my life.
I will not be taking questions or responding to guesses. I won't say "don't do drugs" because I'm not a hypocrite, but I will say, be smart, be careful, be wise, look to your elders.
The second-best was when I played minigolf with my boyfriend on a 3 day weekend. I smile every time I think about it.
Also I am from the American South and I have met people named Lemmy in my life. (I'm older and they were older than me but still.) The one that sticks out in my memory had no teeth from obvious meth use, skin more leathered by cigarette smoke and alcohol than the sun, and tended to wear a leather vest with no shirt.
If you're imagining someone that was not cool, you would be correct.
So again, definitely not helping. Made me take a couple extra months after hearing about it before even researching it, because "oh, ew, it's called Lemmy?"
I have to admit, the name did directly lead to me taking longer to adopt it.
Dead musicians aside, it's not a cool name. It's not a cute-in-a-quirky-way name, and most egregiously, it's an actual name. For a person.
I think that the fediverse is held back by its name, but since I don't have a solution, I usually never mention it. I try not to observe problems unless I have some solution, no matter how weak or terrible.
This is less for the hardware portion and more for the human element;
Figure out what you want your instance to be about and be very clear about it. Maybe write up your rules and have someone friendly with experience go over it with a rules-lawyer vibe, because a lot of the unfun parts of running anything revolve around a tiny segment of the population who will test you.
I have a lot of experience with this if you need assistance, and I know there are others here who do as well.
Remember, being clear about what you stand for and what you want your instance to stand for isn't just a benefit for you, it also helps let users know whether they agree with you or not, as there's always another server they can join or post on if they prefer.
ETA; if you're open to it, I also have a lot of friends who love going over rules with a fine-tooth comb and enjoy helping people, so I could share it with them, too. You can also post openly on Lemmy somewhere and invite discussion. Remember, what you want most is to create the specific space you want. The more specific, the better. And that excluding people isn't always bad! Safe spaces are necessary.
Growing up in the late 80s, early 90s, I would have loved to ask strangers a question so I wouldn't have to worry about them asking me for a follow up later! That's what those advice columns were for!
flicker @ flicker @lemmy.dbzer0.com Posts 3Comments 457Joined 8 mo. ago
It is not an "excuse." If I'm attacked by a man at night, I will have a more difficult time protecting myself than if a man was attacked at night, on average. Not to mention that you have to ask yourself, what is the attacker after? Because being sexually assaulted or raped is so personal and awful that it's natural to have a higher amount of fear of that outcome.
Like how if you were equally likely of being jumped at night by a stranger as you were of being abducted and having spiky metal spears shoved in your urethra... you might recognize that's it's not super likely you'll get jumped, but you would be way less likely to risk it since the fact that sounding is just too awful to chance (for the vast majority of the population).
Also... my sample size is too small to be statistically relevant, but 100% of the men I know are sure they could "take" a random female attacker.
Unrelated; asking that question was difficult but not for the reason I expected. It was like a game! "Do I have super powers in this scenario?" "Is she armed? Am I armed?" "How much time do I have to prepare?" And my personal favorite, from a particularly well-traveled friend- "Is she like a random person, or one of my exes?"
Edit: The last guy has crunched the numbers and decided he could take all of his exes, unless they team up, which he thinks is unlikely, so I'm continuing to count that toward the 100%.