How do I get over my ex?
I wasn't sure I'd get good advice as on Reddit I had gotten really mid results, but the lemmings have really stepped up. Hopefully I've provided as deep of responses as people have commented. I really appreciate everyone's insight.
I do journal and I try to talk about it when it seems appropriate. I do like your idea of the clicker though!
I'm unsure its that simple. I'm in the healthiest relationship I've been in and I love my partner dearly. Another commenter offered a completely new framing of the issue which i haven't had time to dive into, but seems very fascinating.
Thank you, your perspective is very helpful. I do try to appreciate my partner and not take them for granted. I also attempt to acknowledge that there's no going back. the only way is forward.
Holy shit dude that's not a perspective i had considered before. that's massive damn. i need to chew on this for a sec but i genuinely appreciate this. i think your analysis is very accurate and helps me reframe the issue. it would explain why i feel like im making so little progress, because I'm not debugging the actual issue. thank you again!
in my opinion love is no more than specific neurochemicals that incite breeding caused by specific triggers. however there are many stages of parenting and humans evolved not to just bust and dust as we began to socialize and civilize. those instincts require different neurochemicals, all with their own triggers. i think lust and infatuation are caused when we find someone that triggers that first stage of breeding. but real love is finding someone who is able to trigger other sets of neurochemicals that drive you to stay with them. someone that you enjoy being around and spending time with. viewing love as biochemistry isn't as bleak as a lot of people say, because it also explains why we find people who we want to be with in the long term. it doesn't denigrate what love it, it just shows that real love takes work and effort to maintain.
i think this is what I'm trying to avoid, sorry.
that's really heavy damn
I appreciate your insight. I am in therapy and it has helped a lot, it's just the progress on this particular issue has been slow. I'm used to a lot more rapid and iterative development when working on myself and this has just taken forever to debug. Sometimes for a period of time I do stop thinking about her, but eventually she enters my thought space and I guess because I still have so many associations to her, when my brain pulls random information for whatever the context is she ends up getting pulled as well. fuck me that's gonna take a while to properly fix haha. I definitely have underlying issues but that's where i tend to use the rapid, iterative development so i have a good handle on those for the most part.
I am in therapy. It has helped tremendously but it's not a silver bullet.
I am in a constant state of working on myself. I agree that the stalking is weird and creepy and inexcusable. It usually doesn't amount to much more than a google search and a search on whatever social media i have (which is not much), but it's not right to invade her privacy as such. It is infrequent but I will make sure the frequency becomes nothing.
As for the pot comment, I understand the literature surrounding pot and am making an informed and conscious decision in partaking of it. I also enjoy being a stoner and am a fully functional adult while being one.
And yes I am aware it cannot easily be made right. I understand it is not going to be healed or fixed with a simple solution. It has just been a long journey already with slow progress. It can be difficult to see how far you've come when you're in the thick of it.
My therapist is in the camp (as am i) that this is just going to take a lot of time and effort to heal. Another commenter used the term "what ifs" and i think that's most of the issue. I've come a long way in this but when the progress is slow and steady, sometimes it feels like you're not moving. i think with time, as it already has, it will fade from throbbing to sore to aching (current) to an occasional tightness.
in many ways yes, but it's mainly because for the last few months of 2023 I had entered a self isolation as my work is remote and my classes were on break. i was home most of the time so I spent a lot of time with my partner and sometimes with friends (mainly scheduling issues and miscommunications, but also lack of effort from my part). the isolation was to dive deep into the issue and i believed i moved from the sore part to the aching part. it took a bit of time to debug all of those issues, but with effort and psychedelics i was able to move further onwards. it's a slow journey onwards, but I'm sure the way forward is just continuous introspection and chipping away at the issue. to help with that i am making an effort to be more social and stay connected to my friends this year.
i think we may be at two very different parts of our lives and emotional journey. we're both in college and are similar ages, it's just our future plans and desires feel like they diverge a lot, and I am working on getting to a very specific position in my field that will require me to have a fast paced and busy lifestyle. i can't guarantee a lot of the traditional aspects of stability in a relationship, because i don't desire that stability for myself. theres also that due to the aforementioned relationship, i question if this one will fall apart similarly; we realize we're growing in different directions in life and it's better dor ourselves if we break up. Or even as simply as i question if this is just a college relationship. i believe in us and our relationship, but there are so many unaccounted variables, including at times myself.
Both of those already in progress :')
I do write these types of things every so often. I journal pretty regularly and sometimes look back on it. I agree that the stalking portion is abhorrent and inexcusable. I think I just feel so disconnected from someone I miss from my life, especially as a friend, that I try to find some way to actually see what she's up to without actually creating a social media account and reaching out, or sending an email. I just don't think I'm in a place to actually do that in a healthy manner, which the actions detailed above clearly show. I really need to figure my shit out with this.
Edit: these incidents are far and few between as well, and are usually just quick google searches or something on a social media i actually have, always with very little showing up. today escalated to an unacceptable level, even if all I did was reconfirm old information. it's not something that should be done and i need to respect her privacy.
I am very mindful of myself. I practice very regular introspection and have multiple models and frameworks to view, analyze, and develop myself. This has just been an incredibly deep rooted issue that I've been actively debugging going on for two years now.
I think it really is the what ifs. She was the person I decided I would settle down and tamper my ambitions for. And then we broke up and it swept the rug out from under me. I've since decided to never make that decision again (my future plans will require me to maintain a very active and busy lifestyle) and not tamper my ambition for anyone, but that's at the expense of properly "settling down" into a singular, stable place. But the what ifs on if things had gone differently or if I ever do see her again (very possible, we live in the same city and my parents don't live too far from where she used to dorm). I am content with what I have now but I am skeptical of myself and worry that should I actually see her again, I may realize i feel differently. Rationally i know that what's more likely is that two old friends will reconnect, and I'll fully see that our parting was for the best, but I can't help but wonder. Idk, this is gonna take a long time to fully debug and it's so multifaceted that it always feels like you're starting over. But mistakes do not define us or reset all our progress, they just remind us that we are fallible and thus human. They are to be learned from and grown from. Thank you for your insight, I truly appreciate it more than you know.
I believe it's the wing that acknowledges that any temporary or permanent governmental structure that tries to give all US land back to the Indigenous tribes would probably be beheaded before the ink on the paper could dry, and that much like guns some cats can't be put back in the bag. I think the point of a two state solution would be to return as much land as possible without getting overthrown yourself and allowing these Indigenous peoples to have sovereignty and self-determination, the likes of which they were promised and never got to fully realize. Whether or not they trust that is a different matter, and an equally important one. A true solution would require complete integration of these native peoples into the decision making process to create an equitable solution for everyone where we could hopefully begin to move forward and start the multi-century, multi-generational healing process for these disenfranchised communities. We can't undo the mistakes of the past and we can't instantly remediate things in the present, so we hope to build a better, more equitable and egalitarian future that benefits everyone and does not require sacrifices to our necessities in the name of capitalism.
And I agree that many leftist political and social ideologies resemble many indigenous and aboriginal political and social structures, however in a very different (but still uncannily similar) context. I cannot comment on how much of these writings and ideologies were directly stolen from indigenous or aboriginal peoples, nor what the impact of that is as I am not well-enough versed in every aspect of this. However what I will say is that if we do not take action soon, then our opportunities to prevent further irreversible harm and damage will dwindle.
boy pussy, so just a man's ass
For real. I've occasionally used Musescore 2-4 as a hobbyist. Musescore 4 is a significant improvement over an already pretty great piece of software.
I have considered that possibility and I remain skeptical of myself so I don't rule them out. But the evidence seems to be pointing to other things rather than that.