General support post
emma @ emma @beehaw.org Posts 12Comments 111Joined 2 yr. ago
emma @ emma @beehaw.org
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12
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111
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2 yr. ago
Been out of sorts, which is probably more physical affecting emotions than emotions affecting physical. Have been rewatching a favourite comedy drama but am getting more caught up in the drama than the funny parts. Interesting how differently I'm reacting to it this time through. Started a new one that's currently airing so I can participate in online conversations. Hopefully I'll get on with it.
Yes, I don't need to be strong. I need people around who will help in the ways I need, rather than their ways they need to give, so I can be weak and rest for a bit.
Glad you're in a good place. Those are precious <3
They say that identifying the problem is half the battle. You're doing alright with that, self-aware, self-honest, reflective and articulate. I'm not seeing someone emotionally shallow in all that you've expressed here, more like a lack of experience.
Throwing out some ideas for you to mull over and experiment with:
Ask questions and listen to and reflect on different answers, as you've done here.
Talk therapy, if you have access to something affordable.
Journaling, which is like talk therapy with yourself and a notebook. Focus on exploring your feelings and areas you'd like to grow in. It won't be perfect. That's the point.
Observe others, find roll models (like the bold ones you mention above), but hold your observations lightly. It's easy to get it wrong. This is where fiction is very useful; any misassumptions are between you and the book and the author is a good guide.
Reading. Reading. Reading. Emotion-centered fiction. Action-centered fiction where the emotions are present but not well articulated. Non-fiction about emotions, including memoirs.
Visual stories too. Look for emotional arcs, how the characters affect each others' emotions, how your own are affected.
(Wee aside, Chinese and Korean dramas often go deeper into emotions than US, UK and European ones. There are a lot available for free on youtube and elsewhere.)
Seek out music that stirs your emotions.
Journal about your reactions to any of the above that you engage in.
Imagine. Make up your own stories. It can be fan fiction in your head but keep it coming back to how everyone feels, how they express that, how it influences others.
Imagine. What you would like to be, what your near-future self is like in a healthy relationship and friendships.
Bring your natural curiosity. This is a new field to explore and learn about.
Hopefully a few of those will resonate and work for you, or suggest things which will. You can do this :)
How's big your outdoor space? I've never lived anywhere I couldn't manage with a non-motored push mower, even with my energy impairment disabilities, and much prefer them. Takes much less space to store too and of course it's infinitely more sustainable.
Is there a frequent chore you find particularly irksome? There's probably a non-motored tool or technique to make it easier. IMO those are the things to buy and give storage space to. You'll likely get farther for the same investment.
Bottled sexuality isn't healthy, mentally or physically. (Asexuality is different.)
Maybe it's time to start coming out of your comfort zone that way? At least in terms of your thinking if not your doing.
I have a high enough regard for sex and its importance in to mental, physical and relational health to believe it deserves respect. It is powerful. Many of our subcultures don't give it respect, either seeking to limit and control it overly or going too far in the opposite direction. I'd like that to change, but people are going to people and there's next to nothing I can do to influence others on that. Only in myself and (back before female middle age made me invisible) who I chose to share my sexuality with.
Consent is another of my guiding principles, where all involved agree on whatever sexual activity is happening. But I don't consider things like holding hands or being out and about with a partner or family to be sexual activity. They're about relationships and they're probably not bringing on sexual arousal in the participants. And most of the things people do in public are more about relationship than sex.
Does anything in this help you?
morning thought: I've definitely joined the right instance. (also the start from the assumption of good faith guidelines linked to in Gaywallet's recent post)
For probably 99% of the music I listen to, I vastly prefer live over recordings and live recording over studio. Big band jazz is my oldest love, trad (instrumental folk) my deepest, opera my newest. They're all genres centred around live performance. It's the way music has been for most of human history, people playing for themselves and other people. Studio effects can be interesting but they don't have the same immediacy. While it may be a shared endeavour for the musicians and producers, we as an audience can only give them our money, not our energy.
Top is (Duke) Ellington at Newport, from the 1956 Newport Jazz Festival. Superbly talented geniuses who were on fire and we're so lucky it was recorded. The gem amongst gems is the sequence of Diminuendo in Blue and Crescendo in Blue with an Interlude from Paul Gonsalves. Both group and solo work are excellent, everyone on top of their game. Starts out mellow, and then builds, and builds, and builds. Listen to the crowd loving it. They know they're experiencing something truly special. https://piped.simpleprivacy.fr/watch?v=wIX7fnYANak
Lau Live Lau (word for a particular quality of light in Orkney) is a Scottish & English experimental trad band who are phenomenal live, especially in tunes like this where they build and build the energy. They crank the musical tension and when they let it go, it's visceral. Being in the room and feeling the vibrations is the best, but this album (good headphones mandatory) will do. https://piped.simpleprivacy.fr/watch?v=hoEYutpgnuQ
That said, the last time I heard them play was a double bill with a young Danish trio called Dreamers' Circus and they out-Lau'ed Lau.
Trad music is great like that.
More mainstream, I'm also very fond of The Allman Brothers Band at Filmore East.
Great to find you here :)
Romance isn't exactly a respected genre. Misogyny has a lot to do with that but the genre's tendency towards formulaic tropes doesn't help.
And before you get to the Happily Ever After? It has to be a rocky road, with a break-up. It's almost like the HEA has to be earned through pain.
I got myself onto the city library system's e-book app specifically to read Becky Chambers (city closed our local branch so getting and returning physical books is difficult for me). There is no Becky Chambers on that app, nor anything else I searched for. Which is how I ended up with the one I found such a depressing slog.
Not sure it really is easier to make people feel something good. Live music can really do that. Comedic opera thrives on it. Chinese and Korean dramas can dive deep into grief but also soar with joy.
Perhaps it's more that when we've put unnecessarily put ourselves through something difficult, we're inclined to justify it by according it more significance? Not sure, thinking out loud here.
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Hello. I've been chronically ill for decades, with many symptoms going back to my earliest childhood memories. Dx are fibromyalgia, ME/CFS and FND (functional neurological disorder, which basically means something happens in the brain and then something weird happens in the body, and they're related, we don't know why and aren't much fussed to find out). I also had unDxed endometriosis, possibly for 20 years, as well. Because GPs have been so unhelpful, I've had to teach myself a lot. Nutritional approaches have helped me the most.
Thank you <3