dfyx @ dfyx @lemmy.helios42.de

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6

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433

Joined

2 yr. ago

Which makes it even more crazy to me.

I live in a very Protestant area in Europe. In fact, many of the Protestants who got driven out of France around 1700 have settled around here, so roughly a similar timeframe to the ones in America. And we turned out entirely different. Here, Protestants are considered the "technically Christian on paper but probably hasn't seen a church from the inside in a decade" kind of person while (some) Catholics are the conservative hardliners who want bibles and crosses in classrooms.

I never understood why Americans do that. For international events where the anthems of both teams are played, sure. But otherwise? Do you guys forget which country you are in?

Either that or you're making assumptions about OP while repeatedly refusing to answer questions that challenge those assumptions and accusing people who ask those questions of making bad faith arguments. You see the problem, right?

I don't even want to accuse you of doing that on purpose. Confronting and correcting your own assumptions is hard.

You did:

You didn’t read the part about wanting her current partner to watch?

No, please do screenshot it and draw in red arrows because even on the fifth read I'm not sure if the two of us have read the same post. I can't find the passage you mention nor anything that hints at OP being female.

Edit: now that I've read it a sixth time... do you really mean the "I can’t face the reality that they might leave rather than watch me do my own thing." sentence? If so, you seriously need to get your mind out of the gutter and check if you are the person who should check their reading comprehension skills. That sentence has nothing to do with cuckolding or voyeurism.

• Canon EOS 6D Mark II: my main camera for studio, on-location and travel photography
• Canon EOS 760D (Rebel T6s): my old main camera, now backup when I need more than one
• Canon EOS M200: for 4k video, clean HDMI output and day trips when I don't want to pack heavy equipment but still want a nice lens
• iPhone 12 Mini: any time I don't have a proper camera with me. With an app that shoots raw images, this is still really good.

I do a lot of stuff from proper "artsy" studio photography to disco photography to travel stuff, mostly as a hobby. My favorite quirky thing is to include fox plushies in my photos: https://social.helios42.de/@dfyx/111765301186111247

Have you asked them if they would want that? Serious question.

Edit: sometimes I think we are too shy when it comes to telling our friends about our feelings and wishes and too judgemental when they tell us theirs. Why does knowing something intimate about each other have to be awkward? I'd rather have them tell me something I don't want to fulfill than find out after 20 years that there's something we both wanted and never talked about.

Sure but where do I get a peacock in this economy?

Don't you think that's a bit harsh? OP wrote a single paragraph, that's not enough for us to know how they interact on a daily basis. Creating the dependency doesn't seem to have been on purpose. It happened, it created problems, probably for both of them and OP wants to find a solution that hurts their friend as little as possible. I find that highly commendable. Such situations happen, you only notice them when it's too late and usually there is no good solution. You can't just stop supporting them because that would cause serious problems for them but you can't keep silent about your own needs either unless you want things to escalate somewhere down the road.

Now, the polyamory out of desperation thing is a real problem and I know many poly people (including myself) who have at some point suspected that their "original" partner has only accepted this lifestyle to avoid losing them. And let me tell you, finding that answer is hard. If you don't ask, you might never know. If you ask once, you won't be sure if they tell the truth or just want to protect your relationship. If you ask too often and they actually are okay with being poly, you may annoy them. The only way to resolve that is to make sure you can openly communicate about anything and everything. All involved parties must be comfortable telling each other about their pain points and be sure that a disagreement will only strengthen instead of weaken the relationship because everyone will try to find a good solution.

I can just confirm that. I was a coward once (see my other comment) and it made me miserable and cost me a 7 year relationship. I don't exactly know if having the talk earlier would have saved the relationship but it would definitely have made the breakup less ugly.

I considered making an alt account for this but couldn't find a server that let me do so without waiting for approval so whatever.

I've been in a very similar situation. Good friend hit a rough patch, moved in with me, a relationship developed but at the same time I knew I'd want to see other people.

The most important thing here is definitely communication. You say you don't know how they would take it so I assume you've never talked about this. So I urge you to talk to them as soon as possible. If you can, do it today. Don't fall into the trap of waiting too long. I've learned that the hard way in a previous relationship where my partner and I had very different plans for the future and, not wanting to upset them, I waited for a good time to bring it up. Guess what, having something so important in the back of your head will strain your relationship to a point where there is no good time to bring it up.

If you don't want to scare them, start with hypotheticals like "how would you feel if I decided to see other people?" then work your way up. Be gentle but be honest. Tell them that wanting to see other people doesn't mean you love them less or that they are not enough. For me, comparing it to other things I love like a favorite food or hobby worked well. Let's say I love cheeseburgers to the point that my friends call me the cheeseburger guy. No matter how much I love cheeseburgers, sometimes I need something else. Eating a pizza doesn't mean I don't love cheeseburgers anymore and I would never want to stop eating cheeseburgers. Just make sure they know you're not comparing them to a cheeseburger unless they're into that.

Find out what they want. Best case, they are in the exact same situation as you and are just as afraid to tell you they want to see someone. Not that likely but possible. Maybe they are okay with you seeing someone but don't want anyone else for themselves. Maybe they want to change your relationship in a way where both of you are happy being the only ones for each other. And maybe it turns out that your plans just aren't compatible. Be prepared for that. Think about if you'd rather give up on your plans or on your friend. Both is fine, it's your life. Not talking about your wishes doesn't make you more compatible, it just builds tension until things go spectacularly wrong.

And most importantly, respect their wishes. If they tell you that they don't want you to date other people, that's absolutely valid. Don't try to persuade them and for the love of everything, don't do it behind their back. Either don't date other people or make sure to end the kind of relationship you have at the moment. Hopefully you can stay friends.

Finally, about that other thing you mention, other potential partners not accepting that you have someone you share your home and even bed with. Don't worry too much about it. When I started dating again, I noticed that there are surprisingly many people out there who are totally fine with being open, poly or whatever you want to call it. Especially on dating apps. I don't know about Tinder but OkCupid even lets you filter for that. Just be honest about it.

Edit: slightly updated some wording after I read some of your replies which made the kind of your current relationship a bit clearer. The original message still stands.

My parents split up when I was in my 20s. They both moved out of the house I had grown up in. My girlfriend and I stayed and rented it from my dad, planning to buy it from him as soon as we were financially stable enough to get a loan.

Fast forward a few years to me having a well-paying job and my girlfriend almost being done with university. Things were looking really good. On my 30th birthday, my dad abd his new wife suddenly started pestering us about the house being too big, too expensive, too whatever for us to the point of ruining the whole evening. A week later I got a letter from him, telling me I had six months to get the money or get out, strongly suggesting the latter. Never even got a reason.

Swabian here. I like C#. Guess that fits.

I wrote most of my Bachelor's thesis and parts of my Master's thesis to nothing but Watch the Skies from Skyrim on loop.

Lately? Firefox...

Interestingly there are some videos that show what it’s like when it does work and it’s amazing (though still probably not worth thousands of dollars). That makes it even more frustrating when it doesn’t. It’s been a while since I watched Jenny‘s video but I think she made a point of that near the end.

The hotel was so expensive in both development and upkeep that they had to have a high price and high capacity at the same time to still make a profit. In the end it was basically luck if the actors had time to interact with you and if they didn’t, you had to rely on the rather barebones automated stuff while still paying for the full experience.

The actual recommended solution is to just read in a loop until you have everything.

I don't think "boring" is the right word for Outlaws. It has much less of the repetitive stuff that has plagued Assassins Creed for years now and instead puts in stuff that's less frequent but more memorable. I've played for about 10 hours so far and it's been the most fun I've had with an open world game in a long time. The annoying stuff is mainly bugs (not too many for me so far) and quality of life stuff like infrequent save points. A few patches down the road this could still become game of the year material.

So far I was fortunate enough to not experience the weird AI bugs but that checkpoint system is sooo infuriating. There's a side quest where you need to infiltrate a rather large imperial base on Toshara and even the tiniest misstep halfway through the quest will send you back outside the base. It's 2024, my PS5 is powerful enough to just dump the whole world state from RAM to SSD within a second or two. Why can't I save manually during a mission?

Other than that, amazing game. It just feels like Star Wars in a way that nothing since KOTOR and Jedi Knight 2 did.

Note that this isn't specific to Go. Reading from stream-like data, be it TCP connections, files or whatever always comes with the risk that not all data is present in the local buffer yet. The vast majority of read operations returns the number of bytes that could be read and you should call them in a loop. Same of write operations actually, if you're writing to a stream-like object as the write buffers may be smaller than what you're trying to write.