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ceenote @ ceenote @lemmy.world
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2 yr. ago

100% people who drink water die

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  • Bro, I drink water everyday, and I've never died.

    • Americans will use anything as a unit of measurement

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  • "Just the right amount of boulder is blocking the eastbound lane..."

    That works.

    • He'll come around. Give it time.

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  • I like to imagine the well-dressed kid is the actual goth, and the family just switched things up because they're all wholesome and fun.

    • The Hidden Provision in the Big Ugly Bill that makes Trump King

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  • 5-4

    "Neil drew the short straw, so he gets to be the irrelevant dissenting vote today."

    • Americans will use anything as a unit of measurement

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  • Perhaps we should invent a word for sizes between large and small. Somewhere in the middle.

    • I'm a businessman, I do business

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  • Sometimes you have to spend money to maybe make money eventually.

    • And this slide is about how parents would love to see their child again

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  • Necromancers are just healers who don't give up.

    • Elon Musk Suffered Humiliating West Wing Tongue-Lashing: ‘F*** You! F*** You!’

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  • But also fuck Scott Bessent. And pretty much everyone else within earshot of that conversation.

    • A bird holds its breath

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  • Three hummingbirds, half a hamster, 1/5 a goldendoodle puppy... I don't know how we can make this any simpler for you.

    • Fax machine

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  • You seem to be close to orgasm! Would you like assistance? Please sign this consent form.

    • A bird holds its breath

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  • If you can't hold your breath longer than a canary, that's a you problem.

    • Swing state voters promised $100 by Musk say they weren’t paid what they were promised

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  • RICH PEOPLE ARE NOT GENEROUS. IF THEY WERE GENEROUS THEY WOULDN'T BE RICH PEOPLE. THEY ARE THE OPPOSITE OF GENEROUS.

    • Lawmaker Who Beat AOC for Top Democratic Role Becomes Third Democrat to Die in Office This Term

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  • Let's not pretend super old democrats are the only bad ones.

    • Error Window goes brrrrrrrr

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  • So I cursed the top left corner for remaining uncovered, which was the style at the time.

    • Permanently Deleted

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  • It looks like it passed with a veto proof majority that probably included some democrats. Link

    • Ron DeSantis rips federal tailpipe emission monitoring, 'woke roads'

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  • When my app listed the top line of this post as "Ron DeSantis rips tailpipe" I imagined him inhaling from the end of a tailpipe like it was a bong. It's the closest I've come to a positive thought about Ron DeSantis in... well, ever.

    • January 6 rioter who was pardoned by Trump arrested for burglary

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  • I wonder if there's a higher crime rate among pardoned Capitol rioters than there is among undocumented immigrants...

    • I looked it up. I struggle to live not as well as a Norwegian prisoner.

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  • So you either successfully do crimes because you're invisible, or you successfully get put in a Norwegian prison. I'm gonna go check plane ticket prices.

    • FDA will limit Covid vaccines to people over 65 or at high risk of serious illness, leaders say

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  • Those billions of people are obviously in Big Pharma's pocket.

    • FDA will limit Covid vaccines to people over 65 or at high risk of serious illness, leaders say

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  • This is why fascism always eventually fails. Reality doesn't give a shit about your spin and scapegoating, and will happily bring a pandemic roaring back when you do something stupid for the sake of the narrative.

    The only question is how many people get hurt while it fails.