I'm going back and forth between feeling panicky because I am postponing a lot of serious talks and feeling weirdly calm.
At least work is okay at the moment, but even there I have moments of feeling panicked, like when my coworkers review my code and I feel worthless all of a sudden (even though rationally I know they are nice people that give me feedback with the best intentions).
I've realised that the past couple months, when things go wrong, I blame myself because the thought of confronting others just scares me so much. And it's getting worse. I've been thinking maybe I need therapy?
Unfortunately previous experiences talking to mental health professionals have made me wary because in this country being a functioning adult means that your issues aren't serious enough to warrant intervention. On the other hand I guess I know how to answer their questions in a way that makes them more likely to help me.
Idk I just feel very stuck and would love to not be stuck but also don't really see a way out of this. I guess I'm hoping for a breaking point to magically appear so I have an excuse to open up about things to people around me 😕
This is also what in confused about. If the mods didn't know about admin mod actions, surely that meant they weren't reading the mod log? I don't know the first thing about being a mod but this seems like there's a pretty clear solution.
Not entirely sure yet. I'm going to go for some things I tend to wish I had fresh when I'm buying them for cooking, like thyme and sage. Maybe oregano and basil too but I think I might use too much of that to grow it myself. My balcony can only hold so many plants 😅
Herbs for teas are a great use. Do you have suggestions? My cousin gave me some homegrown lemon verbeina a couple years back and I loved that so maybe I should try growing some of my own.
I currently just have an actual bin with a ton of mulch that I put my dead plants in and give it a little water sometimes. Has been working fairly well for a couple years now.
I know there's 'proper' ways to compost but I never really got into it because it feels like overkill for the amount of compost I actually use (there's already basically a never ending supply).
A friend of a friend of mine lives in Beirut and when Israel started bombing the city he got told "yes, it's a shame your neighbourhood got bombed, but we hope you understand that we try to keep normal life going in these times so we are expecting you to come into the office tomorrow"
This is very interesting. I took the VVIQ and the result days hyperphantasia, which I think is a little exaggerated because I mostly answered 3 or 4/5 but still cool.
My friend in psychology has aphantasia, it's always interesting to talk to him about how he experiences memory.
Me and my wife hosted new years eve with friends, was a lot of fun but holy fuck I'm tired. Gonna try to make the most of the rest of the week.
There's a family event on Saturday that I'm really not looking forward to. Meeting relatives you never talk to etc. It's been mentally draining me so much, I don't think I should go, if only for mental health reasons. But it's hard to cancel on them because I feel guilty for never seeing them... So the cycle continues.
Going through the holiday motions until I finally get some time for myself.
I'm making a dessert for dinner at my parents today, gonna try to not address any of the family drama or instigate more of it. Although I'm sure the others wouldn't describe it as drama but rather 'just how we talk to each other'. Anyway, day after will be dinner at my wife's dad which is luckily always comfy and unproblematic.
I'm going back and forth between feeling panicky because I am postponing a lot of serious talks and feeling weirdly calm.
At least work is okay at the moment, but even there I have moments of feeling panicked, like when my coworkers review my code and I feel worthless all of a sudden (even though rationally I know they are nice people that give me feedback with the best intentions).
I've realised that the past couple months, when things go wrong, I blame myself because the thought of confronting others just scares me so much. And it's getting worse. I've been thinking maybe I need therapy?
Unfortunately previous experiences talking to mental health professionals have made me wary because in this country being a functioning adult means that your issues aren't serious enough to warrant intervention. On the other hand I guess I know how to answer their questions in a way that makes them more likely to help me.
Idk I just feel very stuck and would love to not be stuck but also don't really see a way out of this. I guess I'm hoping for a breaking point to magically appear so I have an excuse to open up about things to people around me 😕