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Joined
2 yr. ago

  • I mean I could argue that that's a reductive take, but uh, it's about right.

  • Mm no I don't think that's it but I can understand how that could impact someone. He's incredibly opinionated!

    If I had to pinpoint it, it's that his family are all quite selfish and I feel, not well mannered. So his behaviour towards me was a bit of an issue early in the relationship. Seemed he hadn't been brought up to actually give a shit about other people's views or how his words and actions affect others. It wasn't malice, just learned indifference.

    I also think his parents drinking habits meant he was around a lot of rambling that didn't deserve response.

    Suffice it to say, he's come a loooong way.

  • It's almost like normalising access to guns from a young age is part of your country's issue with shooting each other all the time.

  • Toddlers are shooting themselves and others. So maybe education needs to start in the maternity ward?

    How about, and I know, it's crazy, but you could try not having guns in residential homes. It's insane, I know, but there's this really weird thing where the rest of the world manages it and their children (so bizarrely) aren't blowing their faces off on a regular basis

    Nuts, hey...

  • Yes. That's the only answer. Accommodate the gun fetish. Of course.

    Must be hard to downvote me with one hand stroking a gun and the other down your pants.

  • He's really giving Victorian-era feeble, consumptive, bedridden child.

  • What you're referring to is called 'active listening'.

    It's demonstrating via body language and/or vocalising that the speaker has your attention. It can go further to demonstrating you understand what's being said but that's not always the case.

    No one is ND in my household as far as I'm aware, but I did have a similar issue with my partner. When he speaks to me, I put down my phone or book, or pause/mute the TV, look at him and make eye contact and at the very least make 'mm' noises, or 'really?' 'wow' 'huh' 'ok' or paraphrase what he's said to either confirm or demonstrate I understand him. It's how I was brought up. It's how I function at work.

    He does none of those things and will get annoyed if I stop taking and ask if he's listening. He always says he is, but gives absolutely no visual or audible signs that he is.

    So it became a point of contention in our relationship. For me what he was doing was rude. I felt stupid talking into the void with no response. Whereas he said he didn't feel that responding was necessary.

    My first approach was passive aggression, I'm not proud to say. I started doing exactly what he was doing when I spoke to him. He haaaaaated it. Kept pausing to ask if I was listening. Got to the point where he'd pick up the remote and pause what I was watching before he started talking to me. It was ridiculous on both our parts and caused a tonne of fights. But the one positive was that I could say to him 'do you know how rude I felt behaving that way? Did it feel rude to you? Why? Surely you're not knowingly being rude to me?'

    Anyway, the penny dropped. Now he knows he has to give me a perfunctory grunt when I start speaking to indicate he's listening. And honestly that's enough for me. If it's a serious issue or I need his input (so I'm not just rambling about something funny I read or venting about work), I'll pause, he'll notice and he'll drop whatever he's doing to give me attention.

    So that's all to say, if the person genuinely is listening, they may just need to be told that they're creating frustration for both of you, and it's perceived as rude. That all they have to do is make a sound of acknowledgment. That more will be expected from them in the workplace and now might be a good time to start practicing. YMMV with ND but it's a worthwhile conversation.

  • LIES

    Jump
  • We call them slaters, or slater beetles in Aus

  • See my above response. It's honestly not helpful advice sometimes.

    Often the only answer is quitting/doing something completely different. And that often isn't possible for people.

  • Oh I work for myself now, this was years ago, I'm a far better employer :)

    But be careful with this kind of advice. Some people's jobs require that they do need to worry about things they can't control. Other people, namely. And that's literally the job description.

    The addict's prayer or whatever it's called is not applicable to a lot of jobs.

  • This just reminded me of a moment I had, years ago.

    I was so stressed from work, working on my 6th burnout for the year.

    I was meant to be getting stuff for dinner from the supermarket.

    I had money, that wasn't the issue. But I didn't have a shopping list. My partner and I had just briefly discussed myself 'picking up something' on my way home.

    I was paralyzed. My thoughts wouldn't align or connect. I couldn't think of any dinner option we'd ever had. So I couldn't configure a shopping list in my head. I think I stood in the canned vegetable aisle and just stared ahead, trying not to cry.

    I ended up sitting on a bench in the middle of the shopping centre trying to write a list on my phone. Eventually I had to call my partner and tell him I wasn't okay and he needed to come get me.

    Long story lacking events I know. But this meme made me think. Short of family emergency/death of loved ones, work is the only thing that has placed that kind of stress on me. Even in grief I have a sense of one foot in front of the other for any particular task. But burn out made me immobile. Completely saturated my brain and made it stop working.

    Our brains aren't built for that. They shouldn't be.

  • We have a couple of bikes in our garage. In Australian summers it gets to a minimum of 50°c in there. No explosions to date.

  • The Shovel is like an Australian 'The Onion'

  • Thanks! Oh they are adorable.

  • Where can I see their face?

  • Yeah there's a bit of no good toupee fallacy going on