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2 yr. ago

  • The Silmarillion by J.R.R. Tolkein because there's no fucking way in hell I will ever finish that shit

  • A couch is where you screw. A sofa is where you make love.

    Ergo, a sofa is sexier than a couch.

  • But only if the flux capacitor gets up to 1.21 gigawatts

  • A car on fire on an entrance ramp. Thought it was a wildfire at first until I got closer and was weirdly relieved when I saw what it was.

  • I know! It's that deadpan delivery that really sells the style.

    Did you ever watch Quentin Tarantino's Reservoir Dogs? Steven Wright does the voice over narration for K-Billy's Super Sounds of the 70's!

  • "My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them."

    -Mitch Hedberg

  • What do you call ten thousand lawyers buried up to their necks in sand?

    A good start.

  • Okay, now that's good.

  • I see. Said the blind carpenter as he picked up his hammer and saw.

  • Oh, man, I love The Aristocrats joke. Used to have a DVD of that one with a lot of comedians telling their own versions of The Aristocrats joke.

  • If the "payoff" is a heart attack at the ripe old age of 46...

  • I remember when something similar happened years ago when a mod of /r/AdviceAnimals got busted for promoting links to the meme site quickmeme.

    Both that subreddit and that website were never the same again.

  • When I played flag football in elementary school we were required to wear a mouth guard but we didn't have these fancy things. So what we did was put pre-sweetened Kool-Aid mix in them and now it's no wonder so many of us developed bad teeth.

    Isn't it ironic?

  • I'mma leave this up since I'm late to the party on this one and there's already a discussion, but in the future please remember rule #2 and phrase all post titles in the form of a question. This is like Jeopardy! ;)

    On that note, if everyone is on board and copacetic, I say go for it and you deserve some mad props for pulling that off.

    In my experience, drunk texting an ex is never a good idea, but it takes different strokes to move the world.

  • Just a preemptive warning. I've seen political threads get pretty heated. ;)

  • Andrew Jackson did something similar during his own presidency, but it was the supreme court he told to fuck off.

    Essentially, he wanted to relocate all the native Americans west of the Mississippi river. Well, the native Americans did what every other American does and they sued the U.S. Government. When the court ruled in favor of the Indians, Andy Jackson basically said, "fuck you, I'm gonna do it anyways."

  • If I'm following correctly, 11:19AM seems like it's a long ways off from 5PM when you haven't even had your lunch break yet. But then 4:00PM rolls around and THE FINAL COUNTDOWN starts where you only have ONE HOUR left in your workday.

    I dunno, that's just my interpretation. Just riffing at this point.

  • Ask Lemmy @lemmy.world

    Calling all graphic designers!

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    NOW ACCEPTING MOD APPLICATIONS

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    Lemmings of Ask Lemmy, what should our official logo and masthead be?

    Ask Lemmy @lemmy.world

    Okay, Lemmy, real talk, which one of us is going to make the first gonewild post?

    New Communities @lemmy.world

    Any SoCal locals on this thing yet? Come congregate on /c/sandiego!

    New Communities @lemmy.world

    Ask Lemmy is now LIVE!