Rochelle @ appledinosaurcat @beehaw.org

Posts

11

Comments

71

Joined

1 yr. ago

I have to clarify that I was and am resolute about not wanting a second date with him, just wanted some thoughts on the actual responding back part, so that takes care of that. I think there are definitely individuals where that decision would work well but not for me at this time, and I know this is a platform for people to share their two cents that will go both ways.

I see your point. I guess I value having explicit closure on both sides and especially considering his emotional conditions in this case. I don't want to be the reason he gains more of a dark thought process. I probably care too much and admittedly overthink at times. If we look at ghosting as a concept, I do all that I can not to generally. The main reason I delayed response this recent month is an overwhelming number of commitments to get through after being ill for some time, and it's not the norm for me at all. I always feel like I should reply even if it isn't to continue relations. I completely see your point though and know many see it that way too

I agree, thank you! This is one of the most helpful comments and covered all questions.

I'm a little new to the downvote part of the platform. How can we see downvotes? When my mouse hovers above the upvote icon, it says 0 Downvotes. Or someone un-did their upvote?

I agree, thank you!

Thank you for one of the more thorough responses addressing my questions. It really helps. One part though that I'm wondering relates to your 1st sentence: what are your thoughts on his behavior at the coffee shop? Do you think that's strange and rude? I added more context in my comment above as it may not have been clear in the post

Please see my comment above to clarify what happened with the coffees. Don't you think that was at least a bit rude of him?

Thanks for input. I know there's always room for self-work as we all can relate but I assure you it's not to that degree personally. Just for the big picture, I was very hungover when writing this after not going out for a very long time, but didn't want to postpone it more so it might sound a bit like I'm thinking out loud. Please be kind with me; when it comes to love or lack thereof, it can be a very grey area for all and I really am doing my best to process experiences. I do believe it's possible to better understand body/mind/heart while balancing a productive career as well.

Yes, it's true and the coffee shop calls out by drink rather than by name, so isn't it rude that he swooped in to grab mine when he knew we ordered the same exact thing? Please see my comment above for more context

Thanks for your input. Maybe it wasn't clear in the post: it was a fast food type coffee shop where you order in line and then sit down. The fact that I placed my order first, before he then ordered a coffee identical to mine, makes me wonder why it would be acceptable for him to abruptly grab the first one that was ready on the counter, without even so much as a word or a glance, and walk away to a different counter to do whatever while I was stunned, speechless, and just waiting for the next one. He clearly saw me waiting, didn't bother to say a word, and showed no remorse afterwards even if he somehow didn't hear my order from a few inches away (highly unlikely). First impression in person too. I get that there will be people who don't care about the coffee ordeal, however I wouldn't even think of doing that to someone else, regardless of gender or any other characteristic - especially on a 1st date. It's just weird and rude. At the very least, I would confirm what the other ordered (which he already asked before we actually ordered) and freaking let them have a chance to pick it up, as they ordered first. If at a restaurant, the party behind you was served first for the same exact order, wouldn't you feel at least it's a little unfair? And in this case, it was your date who intentionally made that happen, not the waiter/waitress? Anyway, I agree with everything else in your comment

Thank you so much, it means a lot to me! Sorry I'm just now returning and catching up on messages

Thank you for giving some hope. Do you think he developed real feelings for me though? It's so hard for me to move on without clearing this part up internally

Thank you so much for taking the time to shed light onto a topic that can get dark. It really gives me hope. You seem like an incredibly wise and insightful person. I would've loved to be friends with you if we happened to initially connect in person but we can be online pals! I am glad to hear everything worked out for you and that you are happy in a strong relationship :)

Thank you so much for your input. So sorry to hear what you've had to go through! It really puts everything into perspective and I hope you are doing better each day. You seem like a very strong person who can hold his own without feeling the need for a partner the way I feel due to societal pressures, and I respect that.

A lot to think about and reflect on, I appreciate it. For the question in your comment, is it essentially asking if I would date someone who asked me to do long distance in the event the roles were reversed? Or was it more like would I proceed with the long distance relationship if I convinced myself to try for it and asked the other person if they wanted to do that with me?

Thank you for your advice :) I know you're right, it's often easier said than done but I'll continue doing my best to trust the process. I'll try to remind myself that it'll be that much sweeter when the right person comes along at the right time, if that's what is meant to happen

Thank you so much for the thoughtful insight! It's funny in a not so funny way how growing up I was like of course I will eventually settle down, get married, and procreate. Probably meet a "one" by 22, 23 and marry a few years later. Yeah that sounds like a great plan. And then reality hit, including a pandemic. Long story short, I'm not sure if I want kids and can't fathom all the work that comes with that but I'm also not closing the door on it.

8 billion humans yet the ones I've tried loving were either emotionally unavailable, looking for something different, or a narcissist (most recent and hurt the most even after all the other boys). It almost makes me wonder if I'm incompatible with a relationship.

I appreciate the safe space and validation to forget what I think I should do and prioritize what I want to do. I probably sound really dark about this topic but it helps having support from kind samaritans like you. We'll see what happens. If you don't mind me asking, did this all work out for you? Winding road or fairly easy?

I keep going back and forth unable to decide. It's a valid point. I'm just so afraid to open up too much only to have to walk away or one of us not wanting to do long distance. Maybe I should try putting effort into my appearance and sitting alone at a cafe/bar because there is a fatigue with dating apps. I was dating December 2023-Feb 2024 using 1 app and was exhausted so if anything I don’t think that app is working out

Thank you so much! That's exactly what I'm grappling with. If proactively going on dating apps takes so much energy and mindpower, maybe I should fully make the most of the free time now and see what could happen naturally in the new area. Because even though it's busy there, it would also be easier to keep up to date with one another, so to speak. But then again, back to the limited time frame to even find that person because nothing is guaranteed. Oy, it's tiring just thinking about it all. For context, I was dating December 2023-Feb 2024 using 1 app and was exhausted so if anything I don't think that app is working out

I'm the same way unfortunately. I get emotionally attached and invested. I know many have said it is a good thing to be pure and trusting in romance, rather than jaded and give up, but I keep getting hurt by those who are not meant to be and feel like time goes by so fast. Sometimes I think it would be nice to not feel as much and be able to have a not so serious traditional long term relationship especially with these upcoming circumstances.

It is definitely possible and I have spent much less time on social media overall these recent years. Societal expectations/norm, family asking, my own internal thoughts contribute surely contribute too. How does one look past all of these reminders?