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The user was banned about a week ago
Your motives are clearer now, and have little to do with the clarity of codified rules. Codification of the rules wouldn't have changed the outcome of those events.
She didn't know much about me, so she was mistaking my intentions, and that made me feel uncomfortable.
What you're describing here isn't empathy in the context of the community guidelines. Broadly, what the guideline means is "think about the impact your words will have on others, and try to minimise the harm they cause".
And more broadly, it means that if someones words are clearly designed to hurt or upset others, they can be acted on.
Which is to say, it's not so much about trying to guess what other people are thinking or feeling. That is still part of bigger picture of what makes up empathy, and it helps with assessing whether your own actions are hurting folk, but it's not at the core of what the guideline is addressing.
Like when you banned Dragon Rider.
Drag took a message I had sent to drag, and shared it in public, without my permission and without notification that drag was going to do so. Drag was also the target of an almost endless amount of hate and abuse over drags pronouns, and for a long time, drag was not banned because I did not want to empower the bigots who were behind those attacks, despite many of drags actions warranting a ban. The sharing of private messages without permission was a "final strike"
Without empathy, drag would have been banned much much earlier. Empathy for the harassment drag was receiving was the reason it took so long for the ban to arrive.
I don't think more empathy is always good.
As long as you are not trying to hurt others with your words you'll be ok
As I said, the ambiguity exists whether its convenient or not. Rules just create a facade that makes people think there isn't ambiguity. But the ambiguity is still there, because the rules aren't the final source of truth. The decision about what is and isn't acceptable will never be determined by what rule was codified, it will be determined by the reason behind codifying that rule. The ambiguity is always there. Rules don't' change that.
I have seen some weird decisions I didn't understand and struggled to get my head around them
There will never be explicit rules here, because they add workload and stress, without addressing the ambiguity that you struggle with
As you can also see from the replies here, a lot of people don't share your viewpoint, so it's not a clear cut case of rules being universally better for the community. I have to take the communities needs and my own needs in to account, and there is no clear consensus or support for concrete rules from the community.
What I can do is offer the chance to address that ambiguity through other avenues. If you can tell me the things that you've seen that seem ambiguous or unpredictable to you, I can explain my thinking and reasoning, and reduce some of the ambiguity. I can't promise we'll see eye to eye, but hopefully you'll have a bit of a better understanding of how things work going forward.
I've been building and nurturing communities online and offline for decades now. So when Kaity and I were creating the guidelines for this instance, I knew upfront that there would be guidelines, not rules. And that reason for that is because the rules aren't the source of truth on what's acceptable and what isn't. Rules are attempt to codify and communicate what is acceptable, but they get treated as if they are what is acceptable.
If I had a situation where someone needed to be removed from the community, but they technically weren't breaking the rules, then the rules are the problem. They don't get to stay just because the rules didn't capture that specific scenario. But changing rules brings about confusion and contention, because people think it means what is acceptable has changed, when in reality, they just had a mistaken understanding of what is acceptable, because the rules were centered as the source of truth.
It also creates a lot more work on moderators and volunteers, because they have to turn in to mini lawyers, and their actions become shaped by the rules, again, giving the rules first place in what is ok and what isn't, when they should never be that, because they never can be that. Rules are always imperfect.
And so, guidelines. Guidelines get to the heart of it, because they don't attempt to define every scenario that is and isn't acceptable. Instead, what they do is let people know the lens through which decisions about moderation are made. I acknowledge that that means some level of ambiguity. However, there is ambiguity with rules too, we just pretend/forget that there isn't. But with guidelines, it's easy to address the ambiguous scenarios and uncommon cases, because the guidelines for dealing with them are simple.
I admin the place. Femininity and I have a strained relationship. It's not something I'm drawn to, and when I perform it, it feels like a performance, rather than an expression of an internal need or desire. I don't wear earrings, I don't wear makeup, I don't do my nails, and my legs go months without seeing a razor
Which is to say, the pressure you're describing, the relationship with femininity that you see? For most trans fem folk, unlike me (and perhaps you), it genuinely is an expression of something an internal, a way of expressing something that they haven't been able for most of their lives. Every culture, even subcultures, have their own norms, and their own ways of connecting and sharing. For the trans fem community, that often looks like joyous embracing of femininity. And finally, most trans spaces are biased towards people who are more recently out, for whom everything is new and exciting, and for whom, joyous embracing of femininity is new, and a chance to explore something that hasn't been available to them until recently.
And for those of us that don't really "get" femininity like that, navigating spaces that celebrate it can be challenging, but that's just how it is. I'm no more going to stop people celebrating femininity than I am going to tell folks they can't be butch. What we can do is create spaces and niches within the bigger spaces that make room for other needs too. If need to connect with other butch trans fems, make a community, and advertise it, and you will find us :)
Albatrosses are the best! I saw a few of them recently in New Zealand. Beautiful birds!
I wouldn't mind if there were something separate from the rules that illustrate some examples of behavior that would be considered rule violations
Examples are listed in sidebar too!
It's all in the sidebar of the instance!
That's already how it works :)
TIL, hiking to Mordor can be dangerous :P
New Zealand. The whole country feels like a national park especially the south island. However, you would need to rent a car to get to and between a lot of places.
I'd just re-install Windows over the top of the fucked up install normally. It was a bit easier to recover from, and a bit harder to fuck up
It was similar for me, but not quite the same. The thing I hated was starting from scratch. I'm very much not a distro hopper. Back in the day, I enjoyed the challenge of trying to troubleshoot issues and get the system working again, and that kept me interested, but eventually, I'd hit a problem I couldn't resolve, and I'd have to start again from scratch, and at that point, I'd just go back to Windows.
Now, I still get to do the same thing. If I break it, I get to learn how I broke it and try and fix it, and I find that process compelling. But because I'm using btrfs restore points now, I don't get to the point where I have to start again from scratch. So I can work at solving it to the limit of my abilities, with confidence that if I can't work it out, it's not a huge issue.
I think this thread of replies largely denying it happens, or arguing as for why there's a good reason that it happens should give you an idea why the issue happens in the first place.
The "starting over" part is what made it take so long for linux to "stick" with me.
Once it became "restore from an earlier image", it was a game changer!
Hrrm... Something is broken... Will look in to it
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TikTok basically invented shorts. Maybe Snapchat.
That would be Vine
All I can do with remote accounts is block them from this instance. That will also block them from communities based on this instance. You'd need to talk to the admins of the instance hosting the account for anything more.