I think my main complaint is that teaching young people graduate level race and gender theories without all the prerequisite understandings needed to take those courses
I think you just have a fundamental misunderstanding of what is being taught to children. We can teach the broad strokes morals and ethics without the collegiate theory. Kids can learn about Martin Luther King Jr and why racism is bad, we've been doing it for decades. Adding toxic masculinity would be more of the same "don't be an asshole" but with gender instead of race.
we’re just telling them that men are toxic rapists
We are telling young boys and men (who don’t even know what masculinity even is yet) that men are toxic.
We are not, though? The idea of toxic masculinity does not tell anyone that men are toxic, or even that masculinity in general is toxic, it's about specific behaviors.
but teaching kids about academic ideas like the patriarchy and toxic masculinity just makes them feel like they were born with sin or something for being a sexual human being.
I think this is cope tbh, people say the same thing about how teaching real history is just teaching "white guilt," but this is just low effort denialism to try and say the problem wouldn't exist if you just stop talking about it. I was a white person in school, and I never felt guilty for being a white person when I learned what America did, I felt like America did bad things.
Similarly, teaching boys that "hey, you know that behavior you might see in old movies that looks kinda cool? it turns you into an asshole if you act like that in real life" is not teaching them male guilt or self hatred.
Fidelity and it's consequences have been a disaster for the budget size