In general, all the "use time machine to kill Hitler" ideas (in the rare cases they are not presented as just a joke) assume that it was Hitler the person and not the socioeconomic and historical conditions that resulted in the catastrophe. There were enough little Hitlers to fill that role. If you want to prevent anything beyond small details, you have your hands full of work as a time traveler.
I am blessed to have two friendships that I have been able to maintain even through times of depression and paranoia, mostly because they are stubborn and forgiving enough to stay with me and reach out, even when my delusions of having to isolate from everyone because I am too horrible and bad to deserve friendships kick in. It's a privilege I know isn't guaranteed in life and I am so damn lucky that the mess I have comes with them.
If you are going through tough times and don't have anyone at the ready, I know it can be hard, don't give up. There's the professional stuff like therapists, emergency hotlines, self-help groups and, yes, sometimes even strangers on the internet can be enough to give you a necessary mirror to at least lessen any delusional self-hatred and hopelesness that can creep up. Reaching out can be hard and seem impossible, but it is possible, and it is worth it - you are worth it.
I know, I know, it is just a silly meme, but still, Marx spent an immense amount of time and thought to explain that equality is not only not the goal of communism, but impossible in principle.
It's about coordinating our socially necessary labour and recourses rationally - in a way, that each person can have the maximum possible amount of freedom, time and resources to develop their own humanity. Basically, using the immense production potential capitalism created in a way that time and energy used up in labour is reduced, overproduction and waste is avoided and the division that came with class society (where slaves are needed for one class to have leisure and time to develop their thoughts) is overcome.
Just some nitpick, basically, communism is already about sharing with filters, equality does not really exist.
Has therapy helped you enough to be worth the time?
Definitely, but with very varying results, and also with the caveat that my time in phases of deep depression is almost worthless because I can't really use it for myself or even productively for others either. The varying results part leads to
Is it very difficult to find a therapist you mesh with?
Yes, I've been in all kinds of therapies, from analytic to purely psychiatric, have gotten a ton of different diagnoses since my early teens, and results have been sometimes disheartening and sometimes lifechanging in positive ways. My advice is: Don't be afraid to switch therapists if after a few sessions you notice it's not working out, and try to in advance research as well as possible if there are any specialised in cases like your own (seeing as you already have some diagnosis to work with).
With the last point, I can't really help you much, no idea how it is in the US. Here, you can usually get lists with regional therapists that are covered from your insurance. Also there are more and more online platforms, although I couldn't help you with US-based ones.
Here's hoping you will find someone that can help you, and even if that doesn't happen, that you will be able to manage to get through the curret tough times. Be well and take care.
It's pretty telling a platform like YouTube really only gets fully enjoyable with an adblocker, sponsorblock and this. I wish PeerTube had a lot of good creators, but last time I checked (years ago, admittedly) it was mostly conspiracy theorists and cryptobros.
I had conversations with my ex on there so on the one hand, it is good I can't return any more to torture myself with reminders of what a piece of shit I am, but on the other hand my psyche irrationally feels despair because it cannot return to torture myself with reminders of what a piece of shit I am
Linking to lemonparty and saying "seized by reddit" strikes me as the playbook of an old 4chan troll/raid, trying to instigate more drama between two places they both hate at once.
At this point it can definitely provide my fix of stupid memes and news articles/discussion. Now to see if it will grow enough to also fill the "community for any niche interest" and "experts randomly showing up in discussions providing valuable insight" parts.
In general, all the "use time machine to kill Hitler" ideas (in the rare cases they are not presented as just a joke) assume that it was Hitler the person and not the socioeconomic and historical conditions that resulted in the catastrophe. There were enough little Hitlers to fill that role. If you want to prevent anything beyond small details, you have your hands full of work as a time traveler.