WoodScientist @ WoodScientist @lemmy.world

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834

Joined

11 mo. ago

Not guilty. Brian Robert Thompson abandoned his humanity a long time ago. You can only commit murder against human beings. What Luigi did was more equivalent to deconstructing a cardboard box.

Brian Robert Thompson is doing far more good for the world as worm food than he ever did as a living man.

Are you a company that requires employees to come in to an office for positions that could be done remotely? You should have to pay double payroll taxes for that position. You're needlessly taxing society's infrastructure simply for your own vanity. Time to pay up.

Why can't school shooters just shoot up corporate gatherings of particularly evil industries instead. In the immortal words of Futurama, "Smite someone who deserves it for once!"

Nah. I have an out. Insurance CEOs simply aren't human. The charge should be animal cruelty at the worst. Luigi should get the same criminal penalty as someone would get for stepping on a cockroach. Murder requires the thing you're destroying to actually be a human being.

Eh. I really don't consider insurance CEOs to be human. If you so thoroughly abandon your own humanity, why should we even legally consider you a human being anymore? As such, I would argue that it's no more possible to murder an insurance CEO than it's possible to murder a cardboard box. Hell, at least a cardboard box does some minimal good for the world. Frankly, Thompson's doing more good for the world as worm food than he ever did as a CEO. I consider the worms feeding on Thompson to be more human than Thompson himself. Does Thompson technically have a family? Sure, but so do the worms.

Are insurance CEOs really human? Is it even possible to commit murder against one? I think it would be more like killing a flesh-eating parasite. I'm thinking the charge should be animal cruelty at the worst. What kind of criminal penalty would I get if I threw an ant farm in a lake? That's the kind of punishment Luigi should get.

Bring justice to the wicked AND get swole? Sounds like positives all around. You'll basically be Hercules at that point!

Exactly. Let's be honest, if wishes alone could kill, there wouldn't be a single US health insurance executive alive within 24 hours. The only reason we all don't become a Luigi is we're not prepared to throw our lives away for it. Fear of the law is the only thing keeping those bastards above dirt.

Yes, I suppose the boulder has some value as well.

Well, I suppose it's PTSD-inducing if someone is a health insurance CEO. But if that's the case...TO THE SEA WITH YOU!!

Well, that's something I'll actually apologize for. This is meant to be a humorous vent, not PTSD inducing.

It's all explained in this video.

Well, you want to know a cold, hard, undeniable fact, grounded in the very fabric of reality?

Brian Robert Thompson will never kill again.

40,000 victims. But not one more.

How many people have died as a result of this guy's chemical weapons? I imagine it's less than 40,000. A death is a death, a life is a life. I don't hold someone's crimes as less or greater because they happen to occur during a formal state of war.

Are you a CEO? If so...the Sea...it calls for you!

Now I'm morbidly curious what joke you were thinking...

Fine. Let me spell it out. Obviously, the guy in this story got what was coming to him; he was an objectively evil man. Yet you're not going to see a lot of hand wringing in the media about him being killed without trial. That recent CEO that was killed? That man was responsible for the deaths of around 40,000 people. Yet the media mourns him like he was some saint that spent his life caring for orphans.

They're mostly paid in stock options.

Pokemon Molybdenum.