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Posts
6
Comments
1,531
Joined
2 yr. ago

Crabs

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  • "goddamnit they're lying primaries again. Pack it up let's get out of here.'

    'no crabs??'

    'no they're bald fucking monkeys again. These ones LIE.'

    "We've got some crabs..."

    'OH SURE. YOU'VE GOT CRABS AND THEY HAVEN'T TAKEN OVER THE PLANET YET. RIIIIIIGHT. FUCK OFF PRIMATE.'

  • Don't worry, you'll continue to pay for it. You'll probably even pay more.

    The cuts are just for the people receiving it. They'll lose money. Which means you'll lose even more in the future.

    A majority of young people agree on what the right course of action is here. Remember to leave your phone at home. Don't talk to the police.

  • Turkeys: invasive, will absolutely move in and fuck up your shit

    Bald Eagle: almost went extinct because it ran out of a particular type of tree.

    Turkeys: will eat literally anything under the sun. Grass. Seeds. Other, smaller inferior turkeys. Car bumpers.

    Bald eagles: almost went extinct because salmon was in short supply.

    Turkeys: big, fat, aggressive birds with absolutely no fucks to give. The Always Sunny crew if they were all birds and not just D.

    Bald Eagles: sleek, reclusive, and quiet. Literally sounds like a mouse.

    It's turkeys, it was always turkeys. It's not even close.

  • I used to love using a rowing machine.

    After having lost a significant amount of weight, I no longer have the necessary padding in my ass and sitting on one, especially leaning back is excruciating due to a common problem among obese people. My tail bone is permanently fucked.

    Never get fat friends. Some things your body recovers from as you lose weight, some things you carry forever.