I don't struggle with it. When the end finally comes it will bring peace the likes of which I've never experienced. Life's been hard and as I age, my body is breaking down in little annoying ways that add up into a larger annoyance. The only thing I fear about the end is dying in pain.
One of my birds died a few months back and I cried in terror for the other one (who is still sick on and off). Up until then I thought all my tears had been burned out by a 15 year family court struggle with my abusive ex.
I just watched a TV series on Netflix about this exact scenario playing out in Poland. The rural folks weren't having it but got steamrolled by the government anyway. High Water
I don't get why this is an unpopular opinion. I love Arby's. And I'm extremely sad that the only one within a 50 mile radius closed during COVID and I can't have Arby's anymore.
I got my first Linux system two years ago when I was 57. I took one of the COVID checks and bought a Linux laptop from System76. I had the choice of PopOS or Ubuntu so I just took straight Ubuntu. It was set up and running when I unboxed it and everything I need to know how to do I can just do a web search for. And that's really not much. Best of all the thing starts up in seconds, when Windows was always taking its damn sweet time and shutting itself down for two and three hour updates when I needed to use it. As for gaming, that's what my PS5 is for.
Buying a pre-built, pre-installed Linux system was perfect for me. It might be what would work for you too. It takes a lot of the guesswork out of where to start.
People know the difference between fantasy and reality. Unless someone's questionable anyway I don't think pretending to be evil will change someone. People play violent video games and don't tend to go out and shoot up their neighborhoods. Same thing.
I'm speaking as a woman who's been hit on at work. We're paid to be nice to the customers and too many customers take it as some sort of come-on. It's uncomfortable to be put in that position and you should be thinking of her comfort at her place of business above your own desires if you're really into her.
I personally don't think this is a thing. Acting is pretending. I used to LARP an evil character but it was all just role-playing. Being able to use one's imagination and walk in another's shoes (evil or not) doesn't change who you are as a person. It just makes you a good actor.
It's not appropriate to ask a woman out when she's working. Service staff get hit on all day and they're just trying to work.
You can slip her your number if she shows up at your place of business and leave the ball in her court though. If she doesn't contact you then there's your answer.
The only purpose to life is to live it. Beyond that, you have to find the meaning that suits you for yourself.