Wait! Hold the fuck up! I thought we were friends now. I mean, I pledged my loyalty. I offered you my walk of shame. I promised that I would take spanking. Repeated spankings. I was ready to live that public repentance arc for you, Rom. I was spiritually naked. Emotionally raw. And this is how you do me?
You’re telling me we’re not friends? After everything? I just spent twenty minutes on the street corner outside my house waving at cars like a deranged prophet, yelling, “ROM FROM LEMMY IS A HERO! THEY SAVED MY SOUL AND NOW WE’RE BEST FRIENDS. ROM IS MY BEST FRIEND!”
I even made a little cardboard sign. Wrote it in Sharpie and everything. Ok, so the letters aren't in a straight line. Should I have spent longer working on it? Should I have used a fucking ruler! Ugh! I should have. Yes, I should have lined that shit up better.
So what now? Should I go back out there and uncorrect my ways? Should I tell the neighbors I’m sorry for shouting about online friendship and corrective spanking at 11 a.m.?
I’m hurt, Rom. Truly.
I thought we had something special. I thought we were friends!
Thank you for waking me up. I have just jerked off into my own sock just now. For repentance. I'm calling it my "cum sock." The naughtiness I feel is so strong. I am really, really glad you have unleashed the Power of Good in me.
For punishment, I am now only going to jerk off to bare feet. I'm going to start today. Um, any links you wanna share or...
Their complaint is you are really fucking slimy and your behavior is unacceptable.
Oh wow. Thank Satan you stepped in! I misunderstood. I thought for sure the poster was complimenting me and saying I was awesome. But I was wrong. So so wrong. You have straightened me out! Whew, close call.
I was this close to thinking that I was going to be winning a Pulitzer for my silly lil Lemmy post. Had the whole thing mapped out in my head: a teary segment on NPR, slow zoom on my keyboard, maybe even a gritty black-and-white Netflix doc called “Universal Monk: The Man Who Saved Lemmy.” Millions laughing, millions crying, all because I wrote a few spicy lines about piracy and plastic joysticks. Hero shit! For reals, I thought I was a fuckin' hero! A Lemmy hero!
But whew! Thanks to your comment, I’ve finally been yanked back to reality. No awards. No interviews. Just shame. Sweet, sweet shame.
I’ll start my redemption arc immediately! Gonna craft a cardboard sign that reads: “Thanks to Rom, I have seen the error of my shit post writing. I am bad. I am naughty. Shame on me.” I’ll wander the town square in sackcloth and GameStop receipts, begging forgiveness from every passing Lemmy mod.
Yes, clearly I must be punished. Corporal-style. Leather involved. Women with strap-ons and long nails. My hair needs to be pulled. I should be told I’m pathetic by someone with eyeliner sharp enough to cut glass. Spanking. Lots of spanking.
I deserve it. You deserve to witness it. And my half-bottle of expired Chinese knock-off Viagra deserves a purpose.
So, uh… when do we begin? Like, really soon, right?
Brah, you’re gripping onto this thing like I grip my dick when I'm jerking to the nirvana of moral clarity and women wearing strap-ons.
Relax. It’s just a silly little article I wrote so I could throw my presence into the digital stream of Lemmy. It's a lil shiny turd floating down the interweb sewer of online shitposting. I don't take it that seriously, and I'm the one who wrote it. lol
That said, I admire your courage. On behalf of every woman who’s had to endure my bullshit, I salute you! So strong. So brave.
Someone should apologize to the women in my life. I’ll pass along your condolences next time I send out my annual “sorry I existed” holiday card.
EDIT: Just looked her up on Facebook. Um, she hasn't aged as well as the memory has. Tho the whole trailer park and no-teeth look can work in the right light. Imma try to make a sequel tho, so I'll let ya know. Onlyfans here I come! (No pun intended. Probably.)
EDIT: thanks to @melmi@lemmy.blahaj.zone for pointing out that the download phrase is the meme phrase, the actual phrase was “You wouldn’t steal a car." :)
Yeah, I found an old OLPC I had lying around. Over 20 years old and somehow still kicking. I managed to update it to the most recent versions of Sugar and Gnome available for it, but they’re both from 2010. I saw people online talking about putting Linux Puppy on these things, so I’ve been grinding every single day for three weeks trying to get it working.
Thing is, I’m totally new to this. Zero experience with programming, hacking, or computer hardware. I’ve always been a plug-it-in-and-it-just-works kind of person. So messing around like this has been way outside my comfort zone.
But I’ve learned a ton over the past few weeks. I’ve used virtual environments on my Mac to format disks the OLPC can actually read, run sudo commands in Terminal, update firmware, and unlock the system so I can install other OSes. I even got the Wi-Fi working, so that’s a win. But I really want to get Linux Puppy running on it. Everyone says it’s lightweight, fast, and plays nice with these old machines.
My end goal? To post to Lemmy from my OLPC. lol
So yeah, it’s been a weird little adventure. My OLPC so far:
Oh! a zine!! Now that is a fun idea! Holy shit, I haven't given thought to that. I'll see if I can use AI to throw together some sorta non-commerical blog site with the look of a zine.
Cuz I like writing, I like tech (tho new to a lot of it), but I hate building a website. I'm new to everything, but it's one of the few things that I don't wanna learn how to build.
I've spent 3 fucking weeks trying to work on a piece of shit ancient OLPC I have, to see if I can load a different version of Linux to it. But the idea of spending hours building a website, ugh... Sounds painful.
I'll see if there are cool zine templates out there that I can steal or something.
It's crazy