Monero (which is actually private like cash - sender, receiver, and amount aren't known to anyone viewing the blockchain) has transaction fees of a penny or two. It works by mixing every real transaction with 16 decoy transactions. Currently there are supposedly ways to track a small percentage of transactions but it's so secretive that only approved western government organizations are allowed access, but it doesn't work well and it only gives a statistical probability. And it's one of the wider used currencies current at $145 per coin.
The government hates not being able to track you.
Also BTC fees do suck but they vary. Most days they're around $1-$1.50 which isn't that far off from the $.50 charged (to businesses) by credit card processors.
If you stick it to something and then peel it off, does it leave a symbol? They have tamper detection stickers that leave a design when peeled off but they may not have used it on yours as it appears to be a fabric.
I begrudgingly hold BTC, waiting for the halving in 38 days when all my coins double.
At least Monero (which is actually private like cash - sender, receiver, and amount aren't known to anyone viewing the blockchain) has a valuable function.