Reyali @ Reyali @lemm.ee

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2

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317

Joined

2 yr. ago

It’s making me really happy seeing how many people in the comments here have nice things to say about Quakers!

I don’t remember the incident you’re recalling. Sounds like something my people would do though, lol. What I do think of in terms of Quaker activity at the time is a lot of protests and also Tom Fox, a Quaker taken hostage and killed in Iraq. He was there representing the org Christian Peacemaker Team, which goes to places plagued with violence to do service and good. Unlike missionaries and despite their name, they do not try to convert anyone.

I did not know Tom, but I know many people who did. And despite the very personal loss, the response was doubling down on the efforts to bring peace and stop the war. I think it was a pretty widespread assumption that most Friends organizations were on watch lists.

Leftist Quakers are pretty radical, and pretty awesome.

I mean, they wanted to cash in on the positive reputations Quakers had in business. While not being Quaker. And not implementing any of their business practices AFAIK. Plus their logo is of a traditional Puritan and has nothing to do with Quakers.

I think “deceptive” is a fair word.

There are also multiple branches of Quakerism. I greatly appreciate the person above speaking about it because they truly covered the way the Quaker meetings I was raised in are and the kinds of people I have spent so much of my life around.

However, there are other branches that don’t deserve the same praise. There are evangelical Quakers and while they aren’t as bad as what that word usually implies, they also aren’t exactly deserving of the description above. Nixon was born into one of the evangelical Quaker branches.

Source: grew up Quaker. Literally have a minor degree in Quaker studies, lol. (It’s been a while and I’m not active in any meetings or organizations these days, but I’ll always be grateful for the values it instilled in me and the community I found from it.)

Yeah, and that’s also the time that people who are grieving are likely to feel like they should be moving on, but that’s rarely the case. Having someone else acknowledge that it’s still ok if it’s still a difficult time can be really validating.

I recently reached out to a coworker whose dog died and said, “I’ve been thinking about you and [Dog’s name]. I hope you’re finding moments of comfort and are doing as well as you can. I just wanted you to know you’re in my thoughts.”

I recently lost my cat and know when a couple people reached out with similar comments it meant a lot.

The first time I ever took a Myers-Briggs assessment was on paper and every question was A or B. There was one where I was a perfect 50/50 split and could NOT choose a preference for either, so I scored it as .5 for each.

That .5 difference gave me an equal score for introvert and extrovert.

Since then I’ve taken a more professional assessment at work, and it shows how strongly I fit into the category. Like you, they were nearly all ~47-53% between the two.

Some other assessments have been intriguing imo, but Myers-Briggs has never suited me because of their dichotomy BS.

Yeah I’m sure I could have gotten more a bit faster and I’m pretty sure I’d make more with my title at many other companies, but environment and quality of life are worth more to me.

The company’s culture is fantastic for many reasons. It’s a well-known brand with ~2k corporate employees and while others are mandating RTO, my CEO has gone on public record multiple times to reinforce that we are a work-from-anywhere company. Also while there have been constant layoffs in the news over the past year, our last layoff was in 2021 (and relatively small). Layoffs under our CEO aren’t a fact of life while our prior CEO relished the twice annual layoff and is still doing that at the company he runs now.

Plus I genuinely like the work I do and love the people I work with. Now that I make money well beyond my means, I care way more about culture than chasing another buck.

Comments like yours remind me why I’m so damn lucky and grateful for my job…

In February I’ll have been there 10 years, and my salary is almost 150% more than when I started (which was above $50k for context).

I’ve gotten annual ~3% “raises” each year, as well as one role change (+11%), two promotions (+25% and +13%), and a raise I pushed for (+12%). The first promotion, my boss literally called me on a Tuesday and said I had a new title and my raise was effective as of the Saturday before.

I share this to remind people these kinds of companies do exist, even if they’re the exception.

My guess is they work across multiple locations (Market) and manage personnel (People Lead). Everything up to that title seems likely to be related to just the one location.

Field offices for my company have team leads oversee 3 locations. Not sure how it would work in fast food, but that’s what I’m drawing my guesses from.

So I just realized a few years ago that “join” is one syllable like “coin.” Should make sense, right?

I’d always pronounced it “joy-in.” I still have to consciously change my pronunciation to say it right.

I also learned a couple months ago that I trill the ‘r’ in “three.” I don’t really know how to make the “thr” sound without a slight trill. ¯(ツ)_/¯

Ah, the abbreviation here is great. Since a family friend of mine is named Pat and had been buying into this shit more and more over the years. He even got a doctor to give him hydroxychloroquine during the peak of covid!

More arbitrary but less abusable. One is applied evenly to all people, regardless of people’s opinions or views. The other can be changed and manipulated in a way that knocks out political opponents.

I agree that cognitive ability is more important to me than a person’s age. I live with that observation every day with my parents. They are both around 80, and I would argue my mom is almost as sharp as she ever was; I have no concerns about her decision making. However, my dad is struggling more and more all the time; he’s shown decline for many years now and is at the point we’re not comfortable with him making many decisions or taking on complex tasks. A rule applied to one would not be equally appropriate for the other.

However, if we implement something, I would rather it be a rule that we can apply to all. I don’t trust the government to consistently and reasonably apply cognitive tests that don’t introduce bias.

Edit: autocorrect typo

Ugh for sure. I didn’t even realize it until it was called out, but that episode also has no background music. It’s a subtle change but it makes everything so much more real and unnerving. Just thinking about that episode is making me cry now!

It’s a setting that’s off by default in Voyager.

was the norm

In the US, it was only banned from being sold in 1996, but it wasn’t the norm for long before that. The last model year that leaded gas was allowed for cars was 1974. Yes, all Boomers and most of Gen X would have had high exposure, but it would have been fading out by the time younger Gen Xers were born.

And yes there are some non-car applications of it that are still legal to this day, but the overall frequency of it would have dropped a ton well before the mid-90s. (Source, and actual graphs of the decline over time)

So contact NBC with your concerns. Arguing with people who can’t change it just makes people who might otherwise agree with you frustrated with your point of view.

You’re angry about a headline that abbreviates the actual story.

The very first paragraph of the article:

Mass graves uncovered in Syria in the days since President Bashar al-Assad wasoverthrown are exposing evidence of some of the worst abuses since the Nazis, a top international war crimes prosecutor said. [emphasis mine]

The article agrees with you. It’s only the headline that doesn’t.

This kind of anger and engagement at headlines is exactly what the media thrives off of. Don’t let them win by doing just that.

If I may rephrase what I’m reading: You don’t want to tell him to leave you alone because you would be upset if someone told you that.

Here’s the thing: you don’t know that will upset him. TL;DR of the rest of my post: he probably won’t take it the way you would, and I highly recommend being straightforward with him.

I suggest reading about the difference in Ask Culture vs Guess Culture. Those of us who grew up in a guess culture manage our own actions based on what we think will be acceptable to those around us and won’t even initiate something if it would be deemed inappropriate, so it’s rare we have to be told “no”. Those in ask culture will just ask and be totally fine if told no, because they haven’t already done the pre-work to figure out if their request will be approved.

One of the best lessons I’ve had in the past few years is that other people don’t respond like me. I mean, that should be obvious. But it came up in the context of being a manager at work with an underperformer. I would be devastated if my boss told me I was not doing well at my job, and so I was terrified of telling my direct report that. I communicated the gaps in her specific actions for months, but we finally got to a point where I needed to have the conversation that I didn’t think the role was the right fit for her. It was one of the hardest days in my career. And she thanked me for it!

I was so scared because I was imagining how I’d feel hearing what I was going to say. But she’s not me! And instead of being upset, she felt relief to hear someone else say it.

You’re afraid of being rude, and that shows you have compassion and care for others. But I bet you that this coworker of yours just needs to be told, and not communicating with him is actually less kind.

A quote from a favorite book series of mine is a take on our “golden rule” through an alien culture: “The Iron Rule: Treat others less powerful than you however you like. The Silver Rule: Treat others as you’d like to be treated. The Golden Rule: Treat others as they’d like to be treated.”

I prefer spelling it with an ‘e’ so I always do that (probably because my name has two common spellings, one with an A and the other with an E, and mine is the latter).

But if forced to identify which is which color-wise, I’d say “grey” has cool undertones while “gray” has warm undertones. Really no reason to think that, but it’s right in my brain.

I got my cat while I was in high school. She was by my side when I was diagnosed with chronic illnesses and was there with me nonstop as I healed from a couple surgeries over the years. She lived in every home I’ve lived in and has seen me through nearly every heartbreak and other challenge I’ve had in my life. I had to put her down at 20 years old on October 5th.

I told people for years that I didn’t know what I’d do when I’d lose her, except that I’d be a mess. And that’s true. Just reading the comments in this thread has me crying again, and I’m not sure if I’ve had a day without tears since Oct 5. But I’m alive. Losing her has left a hole in my heart and soul, but I’m starting to feel like I can breathe normally again most of the time.

It’s gonna suck, and there’s no way around that. But the love and joy you share now will be worth every moment of the grief you will feel. After all, grief is just love without a place to go.

I recommend taking lots of pictures, videos, and even sound recordings (I have many recordings of her purring). I get so much comfort from watching and listening to those. It’s not the same and it’s not enough, but it still helps.

I wish you all the best, in your health and his. I was so lucky to share twenty years of my life with my girl, and I hope you get as much time with your boy.

Yeah, it’s a great idea. Because innocent people are never convicted in our justice system.

Because people never abuse the legal system with bogus lawsuits.

Because police aren’t more likely to be abusers themselves and therefore more likely to take the side of another abuser against a victim.

Because someone who is willing to rape someone isn’t ever likely to try to exert more power over them.

Because laws are always applied evenly and justly across all races, sexes, social classes, identities.

Because sexual assault victims feel totally empowered by our legal system and society as long as they’re telling the truth.

Oh wait, none of those things are true.

So no, it’s not a great idea. Not until we fix a fuck ton of other problems in our society and justice system.

Libel, slander, and perjury are already illegal. Let’s use existing laws rather than introducing something new that can make it even harder for real victims.