NotASharkInAManSuit @ NotASharkInAManSuit @lemmy.world

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2 mo. ago

I like to call it “The Haunted Rodeo.”

That kind of makes it cooler. That would be fucking terrifying, I’d be making SOOOO many people believe in ghosts that can punch you in the face if I had this set up.

Pee.

Big, sexy, irresistible butts. Perfect asses. Round and bouncy. Butts that give you a reason to live. The kind you wanna eat like groceries… Sorry, what were we talking about?

When interacting with pedophiles.

It would make for a great pedo radar, though.

Crippling alcoholism.

You get perfectly controllable, exact, and safe teleportation, even if you’ve never been to the place you want to teleport to, you can also teleport others with you, but you start menstruating really bad every time, doesn’t matter if you have the usual equipment. No matter who you are, and it also applies to anyone teleporting with you, you will find yourself in the middle of intense menstruation.

Worth it.

I can play the kazoo really well, like Hendrix level kazoo playing.

But nobody will ever remember you doing any of it.

It comes out of your urethra.

It only takes you to a showing of Titanic when it was still in theatres.

Intense, constant, unending pain that you can never escape. Mental and physical.

Air also stops, so moving causes unimaginable levels of friction and you cannot breath.

And all of my poop will teleport into the back of your throat when it arrives at what was once my sphincter.

Into Ron Jeremy.

Has he, though?

You should care about MAGA, care in this context is not admonishing or accepting. The same way you should care about Nazis overtaking the government, like the exact same way.

As someone who has grown up and lived among the Mormons, I really have to disagree. They are dense, brainwashed, sexist, culty mother fuckers who will value nothing more than conformity.

“I'm recording this, because this could be the last thing I'll ever say. The city I once knew as home is teetering on the edge of radioactive oblivion. A three-hundred thousand degree baptism by nuclear fire.

I'm not sorry, we had it coming”