No I wouldn't. Because being alone for the rest of your life a death sentence regardless how I feel, I rather kill myself. A life that doesn't reproduce is worthless, right now I'm worthless.
I've said this before in other comment, my father wasn't a fun person, was almost as anti social as I am, he grew up dirt poor and was hit and lashed by his father, he became a scary muscular man, stone faced... Yet he managed to "secure" my mother for over a decade. He never believed in this bs of loving yourself or being "normally fun" yet he did his role in this world and got me and my brother.
I've seen all those videos, I grew up with Arnold movies FFS, I'm not him. I don't have his qualities, I really don't some people aren't born like that. And fuck Joe Rogan, he mocks the things i still like.
The illusion of "is a game" doesn't work for me, I've playing games for 25 years, I know the difference between what's real and not, in a game you can try all the times you want, real life failure and humiliation destroys you. You can't repeat anything. And this suffering isn't just on my mind, I feel it on my heart. I don't wanna dream big, especially since that won't make me happy, my family never dreamt big yet my parents got married, eventually divorced but at least got their failed kid.
No I'm not a fun person. But I can't erase myself... And trust me I can't change. I don't have co workers anymore and only did middle school. Nothing around my minuscule town is for me and I'm an poor immigrant, I have everything against me.
It is for me. But is not your fault, is probably just me coping. I can't believe someone is this lucky, meanwhile I've been gaming my entire life and I've had nothing, if anything probably ruined me even more.
I love final fantasy X, loved VIII. I didn't got anything for it except realise that the world doesn't work like those places, I'll never get the girl. And nobody gives a fuck about what's your favourite Final fantasy. Especially at my age.
I've touched grass for almost 20 years, eating alone, walking alone, drinking alone, going to the movie theater, going to the arcade alone. IT DOESN'T WORK. I'm not going to do it anymore... That lonely walk back home when you realize you wasted your time destroys you, makes me wanna kill myself. I rather stay in my room safe.
If you aren't like me you wouldn't understand and I don't expect you would understand, that's ok. But I find insulting that you think people give up for no reason.
I had a job, didn't fixed shit, if anything made me more miserable plus having a body in pain. And I'm low class so I'll not go beyond that. I'm sure that if I had another job it wouldn't fix my life right now either.
Trust me on this: the whole love yourself is bs. I've seen terrible people married and also people like my father that never loved himself yet managed to get married.
To the waiter and people there doing their job when I needed something. Anyone else feels like I'm bothering them or sucking the life of them.