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2 yr. ago

  • If I exercise, I won't be able to rest my phone on my gut.

  • As a graphic designer hearing people roast comic sans and papyrus to make small talk with me at work gets so god damn old.

    Thank you for staying off the hype train. There is nothing wrong with these typefaces.

    Unfortunately I even have to avoid them though because they have become the Hitler mustache of the type world. Sure you can say you are rocking the Charlie Chaplin, but everyone from a distance will wonder "why is that dude rocking a Hitler mustache? WTF!?"

  • Sometimes you can find instructions for different ways to cook a pizza on the back of the box. For example I checked mine and underneath airfry and oven instructions there was instructions for "nuclear blast"...

    Nuclear Blast

    Remove pizza from all packaging and shrink wrap. Be sure to remove and discard the cardboard tray.

    Place pizza on metal baking tray within a clear path of the blast source. Do not use glass cookware as it might shatter.

    About 5 miles out from the blast source. Find a sturdy structure, like a rock deeply embedded into the ground.

    Place pizza on the tray and tilt tray to a 45 degree angle on the rock. Angling toward the blast to evenly cook.

    Bake for 5secs for 15 kiloton yield atomic bombs or until pizza is golden brown. Grab pizza and run to shelter before the shockwave hits. If the shockwave hits your pizza it will disintegrate.

    All atomic bombs cook differently, so be sure to keep an eye on your pizza as it cooks and not the blast. Pizza is done when the cheese is melted and edges are golden brown.

  • AI is really getting out of control.

  • Let us contemplate this on the tree of woe.

  • "Stabbed in the Eyes by Solar Rays"

    Sounds like a good indie band name.

  • Would that classify me as a "kink"?

  • What's the copper to crack exchange rate currently?

  • Me lurking outside these posts and waiting for my moment to reply to someone else's reply:

  • I have a lot of trouble understanding celebrity worship for anyone.

    Don't get me wrong I have favorite celebrities for movies/music. I give two shits what they do outside those mediums or what they have to say. At the end of the day we are all hopeless idiots regardless of status and I wouldn't trust any of them as much as any other stranger. Because I don't fucking KNOW them and they don't know me.

    Anyhow I'm not pointing fingers at Taylor Swift or her fan club. This has perplexed me way before the current generation. People have been following strangers like silly sheep since 0 BC. I get there are some deep seed instincts in being a part of a group that get warped here... but good gravy some people need to step back and have an introspective moment to break their fixations.

  • Your sacrifice will be remembered...tracked, cookied, and geotagged.

  • Climate change is a power bottom.

    We thought we were the dom in the relationship and all the sudden the climate just handcuffed us to the bed post and jammed a cold hard unlubricated steel butt plug up our ass and gave us a golden shower without telling us the safe word to stop it.

  • In 2005, insurgents attempted to use a bomb-equipped dog during the Iraq War. The dog was detonated without inflicting damage.

    ಥ_ಥ

  • A large factor is probably the increase of phone use. I've sailed into a lot of shit looking at my phone.

  • My trick is I don't have friends.

    ಥ_ಥ

  • You mean the Sanon the Dork Lard?

  • Narrator: And what happened, then? Well, in Whoville they say – that the Grinch’s small penis grew three sizes that day.

  • "What's Taters?"

    "Po-ta-toes... Boil um mash um stick um in a stew!"