So f##king anxious!
In the darkness that is existence there can still be beacons of light.
Ending one's existence is the end of all of that. No more light, no more dark, just nothing.
I stick around due to those beacons of light in the dark and honestly the more time goes on the more I realize that there's actually quite a lot of light to be had.
Yeah work sucks for 10 hours a day, but that time allows me to enjoy my hobbies.
The pleasure of a newly painted miniature, the bliss of hiking a new trail, the exhilaration of biking further and faster than I did before, finding new places and things to photograph.
Enjoying a nap in the shade of tree on a lightly windy day, watching the river flow by while I forget to cast my line, watching the clouds flit through the sky while laying in the grass.
If you end it all the only thing left behind is the pain for those who knew you. The gap left in their lives caused by your absence.
Sometimes their big gaps: lovers, friends, coworkers. Sometimes their small: the regular who always stops by, the person with the cool hair you see sometimes, the person who you talked to on the bus that day who you still sometimes see. But the gaps are still there.
I've known a lot of people who have taken their own life, the lives of others, and had their lives taken by other people. Those gaps will always be there.
Stick around, look to the outside world, and reach out. There is light in the world if you look for it, don't let the darkness that dominates the social media landscape be all that you see.
I'm having the same issue, were you able to get it to work?
I've already tried logging out of all of my accounts and clearing it's app data, I'm at a loss really.
Edit: Now it seems to be working, not sure what's changed but I don't mind.
I'll never forget my first trip to Voat, literally Nazi shit on the front page with a shitton of votes.
Never went back.
Happy it's gone.
3D models to print
I think I've only printed at most a third of them, but I always end up buying too many for my DnD group
It's kind of hard to describe really
It's like you're lost in the movements, you're caught in the flow, the strain is no longer a struggle, you just flow, you move and it moves.
Your reps go on, your sets flow together, the down time ceases being a factor, you're there.
The presence of mind and body, you are there, you are now, you move.
Numbers mean nothing but you know when the reps are done, the exercises flow together.
Someone could call your name and you wouldn't know it as it's not in your mind.
There's only the movement, there's only the flow.
There is no you, there is no weights, there is no other, there is only movement and flow.
And when it's over you know it, yet feel like you could go a second time through the whole affair. And sometimes I do and then I feel Godly for the whole day and sometimes the next.
And the sleep quality that night is beyond description.
I've hit that state many times doing calisthenics (my typical workout), when out biking, and when out hiking. It's always the same really.
Hour long calisthenics routine? What's a second hour really?
20 mile bike ride? I could go another round, why not snag some dinner from that food cart I got lunch at?
15 mile hike? Well tonight's going to be even better with all the stars, what's a second trip around the mountain?
You don't get there immediately, you won't get there every time, but when you do it's bliss.
The fun thing is, it does have physical withdrawal symptoms when you stop.
They're just not nearly as bad some other substances.
I'd rank them worse than coffee's withdrawal symptoms.
Mostly
A couple communities I enjoyed haven't come over yet but now that I can only check them on my PC I really only hop over there once a week.
I really dig this place over reddit though, it's a lot more chill and way better for my mental health.
Honestly I think you might be right
Since I've started my meds and some behavior changes along with them I have only been late 3 times, all traffic related. And I still managed to get stuff done those days.
Those first few weeks though were pretty damn stressful as I was suddenly finding I could manage my time.
Before getting diagnosed, the running joke was that I'd be late for my own funeral. I even joked with my family that in the event I did pass to have whoever brought my ashes to the BBQ to show up fashionably late in my honor as one last joke.