Drivebyhaiku @ Drivebyhaiku @lemmy.world

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2 yr. ago

Gods, this old chestnut... Hey, on behalf of the Trans-Non-binary community can we retire this please? Not because it's offensive, it isn't, we just heard it more on average and it was always just bland weak sause shit. Reseting the clock on this boring ass joke from reddit five years ago is cringe. You wanna troll somebody at least make an effort greater than "I know you are but what am I?!"

For me it's been longer than that. I am a queer Canadian and anytime I have travelled the US or stayed with friends and seen any group carrying or wearing American flags that hasn't given me the "ick" so much as rung alarm bells that those people are not safe.

Thing is, it's the same thing with the Canadian flag. Any group flying too many Canadian flags outside of Canada Day is likely to be Conservative and anti-queer. Anti-Trans protesters or anti-vaxxers on highway overpasses? Canadian flag. Lifted truck soaring down the highway with a "Fuck Trudeau" bumper sticker - Canada flag. Hoard of protesters demanding book bans, group of people protesting Pride with a "you are gunna burn pedos" sign, antiDEI crusader mob - Canadian flag. It doesn't take long before one starts to draw certain conclusions about a person's character when they wave it around. For those of us trans folk who can it's a sign to hide. A literal red flag.

Amoungst the left up here the flag is a complicated symbol. Many of us on the West Coast see it as a symbol of colonial practice and an insensitive declaration of an occupying nation on stolen territory for people who are still here and whose original sovereignty is still not properly acknowledged. It's not a symbol of pride and if personally used as such it's a sign of insensitivity and work to be done. At the same time I would not say that I am not proud of my Country for how far we've come. We are a nation in therapy who has the opportunity to put the work in to getting over some really bad murderous and selfish flaws and try new things to make things right. When I had an American friend up here it took a bit for him to understand how seriously the effort is to recon with our past and he treated us like a utopia of leftist sentiment but it is like therapy, yeah we might be putting the work in - but we can see how much further we need to go and praise doesn't hit us as "job well done" it's a reminder of how shitty it still is. But if anyone ever thinks that this complicated and nuanced relationship to country would stop us from rallying together to fight to preserve our rights to keep working towards that better future they would be dead wrong.

So I understand pretty well where you're coming from but for a lot of us this isn't a particularly new thing. It just is affecting more and more people as they wake up to realizing how these symbols are used.

Yup, already had the "flee or stand and die" convo with my partner a few weeks ago. I am firmly willing to risk death to defend the progress we've made as a Province and Nation. We aren't perfect and are early in the process but we're trying to recon with our history of colonial genocide and embrace a truer multiculturalism which the US refuses to even acknowledge. We have made commitments to the health and well-being of all citizens, not just the productive bodies which fuel the markets. It's incomplete but aspirational and walking it back would be a disgrace.

The American democracy is an outdated shambles that has fallen into ruin and I will not be bound by it by choice. There is no freedom or opportunity the USA can offer us. Only more oppression on rights we already have enshrined.

Not bad. I get most of my veg from local Chinese grocery where everything is a little closer to spoil but cheaper by half and all the sourcing info is in a language I don't read so I basically wrote that off as a whole in the name of scraping by.

But was decently happy to learn that my spending habits were mostly Canadian centric by default anyway exempting snacks. Mind you I live in a chunk of Van where most of my fav stuff is imported from Asia through local companies and ports so my easy solve was just segwaying hard into Korean and Japanese imports.

Isolation really is an American mentality but it's not particularly great for actually striking out. If you want to atop things from getting worse Collectivist activities and thinking is your best chance.

Reach out to the people who are already doing stuff. If you have a union or a political action group, go to it and start organizing. If someone has already started organizing then join them and be subordinate. Find people who understand democratic systems and collective action and offer your time. In fighting is the luxury of peacetime so learn to do that which is not your own exact process. Set aside differences and petty disagreement and work to mutual benefit.

Learn the Roberts rules of order or how your local and state governments function and utilize channels that exist. If you have a gardening or farmers market society reach out and looking at replacing your lawn for gardens and pool with like minded neighbours. Learn first aid and stock a kit. Train your body to be fit and learn self defense. Prepare yourself to be disobedient on someone else's behalf.

Your votes at a federal level are no longer being considered but will your protest be toothless? If you are feeling doom, reach out and find hope in solidarity.

Because they are a Canadian and your dumbass president keeps trying to start the process of annexation. Do you have any idea how angry folk up here have become?

We are a tiny country in terms of people and a massive one in terms of land. We cannot legally participate in your systems of government in a meaningful way but we have always been effected by US political decisions and the lack of co-ordinated resistance nessisary from it's citizens to fix the issues that affect all of us. We've been Cassandra warning you of what doom is about to befall us all and so often we've been dismissed.

I have compassion that you guys honestly didn't want this. That this was a co-ordinated attack on your freedoms.

But I am also angry that it was slacktivist feel good measures of defiance that was the go to for so many on the left when a lot of folk on the right were using the system against you directly because finding the way to apply and lobby and interface with the system directly gets poo pooed as having to deal with and act like a Democrat...but is how the system is designed to function.

The truth is that other countries can't help you. The only legal interface we have is through proper channels because there are bodies of law and military systems that keep us in check from interference. Technically your country hasn't tripped the switch where we can directly meddle because that would mean a war during which we would need be defending because we have a total citizen count only slightly larger than California.

You have no such restrictions. You can use sabotage, soft resistance, legal avenues, press to leave the union, show up at your municipal and state governments with petitions, organize into actual milltias like your own constitutional documents say is a good thing for when your country had gone rogue. Your founders were edgy mistrustful bastards who designed your country with the idea that it might need to be overthrown. None of this is easy. Up here a lot of people are preparing - taking relevant coursework, getting firearm licencing and training proficiency, working with aid programs to assist refugees and using measures that change our behaviour, sometimes at personal cost to future plans or to pocketbooks.

You can ignore Canadian and Mexican voices in this squabble. Let's face it, we're used to it as most of your discourse likes to pretend we don't exist. But everybody gets an opinion here and we are relevant... Because your country will crush us with the combined weight of individual inaction eventually.

C-3P0, our translator for R2's boopspeak uses he/him pronouns for the little guy and so does at least Luke so he's effectively masc presenting. One could argue he's a man but the society he's in effectively classes sentient droids as property without the reserve they do for non-artificial species and are unlikely to confer the other cultural aspects "manhood" onto a droid.

We can't. We're way too small. There are only marginally more Canadians than there are Californians spread out over a country 1.6% larger than the entire US.

We're gunna try to land some lawsuits against the administration and accept refugees from the States like we did last time but it's unfortunately asking a mouse to take on a cat.

Elon Musk has a well documented track record of supporting far right causes that mirror Nazi ideology. At the Inauguration he performed two Nazi salutes (one to the crowd and one to the flag). He routinely promotes the methods of genocides of trans people and Palistinians through both verbal parlance and through direct funding and uses well known euphemisms in support of white supremacy causes. He has authoritarian leanings tasked with removing from government service entire administrative arms that previously were not electable or apointable positions (because they were staffed with experts whose task is to stick to their guns of scientific or proven best practice and not simply be yes men telling the administration what they want to hear).

He also has never denied making a Nazi salute in the days since it's happened instead deciding to make Holocaust and Nazi featured jokes.

At this point what evidence can be put forward that he is not a Nazi?

It's either a party brand name in which case it's meant to invoke a vibe of progressivism that it may or may not live up to because it's just part of political word salad...

Or its a political system that premiered back in the day of John Locke and Stuart Mill before fundamental rights were a widely accepted thing for the average joe that advocated for a series of basic human rights that from the start was very very focused on individual property rights and protection from government seizure because there was a habit monarchs had of doing that shit all the god damn time. Exceptions to these rights always existed but how the government interacts with those property rights particularly when it comes to "rights of corporations" is kind of up in the air. Socialism can optionally dovetail into liberalism by socializing different aspects of property and services but is not compatible with Communism because individual property rights are in direct conflict with allocation of resources based on government calculated need.

Technically Republicans and Liberals in the US are both liberals just Republicans are "neo-liberals" an ideology that became vogue with the likes of Regan and Thatcher where government regulatory bodies are looked at as an enemy and chunks of what were government are privatized... Which these parties sell as a cost cutting austerity measure but this has never been historically known to do anything but make things worse quality, not less expensive anf line the pockets of contractors and shareholders who are usually unsurprisingly ex politicians.

She should be given the biggest of side eyes. A lot of the laws Alberta has been passing are fairly direct challenges to Charter rights.

It may seem like a pedantic difference but you are missing a key part of what's going on here. Nobody is challenging that gender dysphoria is a bad thing to experience... This policy is saying it's kosher to proclaim "transness is a mental illness" which means in effect that encompasses gender euphoria and all expressions of gender incongruity as symptoms of a mental illness. It's a subtle linguistic difference but one makes it possible to publicly derride trans people as being delusional or harmful to people around them or dangers to themselves and push for "curing" all transness by approaching being trans as a failure state.

The whole thing with trans health is that being trans is not considered a mental illness but gender dysphoria still has a diagnostic rubric and has health problems associated. So saying trans people who have transitioned aren't sick anymore isn't quite accurate because they were never considered sick in the first place. One of the ideas behind this way of thinking is a trans person's issues aren't caused because they are trans, it's caused largely due to the lack of acceptance and support in the society around trans people. Framing transness as a mental illness also ignores the flipside of dysphoria - gender euphoria which is a very specific joy experienced by trans people expressing themselves healthily, it's not simply from lessening pain around dysphoria, it's basically something mostly unique to the trans experience that is overwhelmingly positive.

Also there's not a one size fits all response to dysphoria. Some chose to physically transition and others choose to use other management techniques to help. There isn't a "cure" to gender dysphoria. There are limits to what can be achieved through physical transition even if one goes all the way. One can have dysphoria around stuff like not having periods and child bearing capabilities even if they are fully transitioned or there are things that are irreversible if the transition happens too late. Being trans can be a kind of complicated state of being where one needs to learn and implement how best to be supported. Framing it not as an illness removes the stigma of looking at the experience entirely clinically as something to be solved. The fix isn't to be "less trans" as it is when one approaches something as a disorder to be removed and minimized.

I recognize that speech is never free when the place it is conducted is owned by shareholders.

It may sound odd but this could actually be a sea change moment for a lot of people. Having been stuck around far right coworkers enough a lot of them have hung their hats on the whole "free speech" lynchpin. That's the thing they condemn leftist spaces for doing, that's the hill thwy will die on. Their sycophantic love of Musk is bound up in the idea that he's some kind of champion of free speech. This likely is the rude shock some of them might need to realize that was never true.

Is it going to get them to revisit their whole worldview? Probably not. But it's a crack in the facade.

For me I had to make a value judgement in regards to transition because my partner's got phenotype preferences that don't match where I would like to go and ultimately I had to break ot down as to whether keeping him as my romantic partner or transition would bring me more net happiness and chose my partner. It's still a struggle because all that dysphoria doesn't go away I just have to feed it different things to placate it enough to function.

I have a weird relationship with a lot of photos of myself pre social transition. Any photos of weddings or big family events where a dress code prompted me through soft pressure to try and "clean up" is sort of just interpreted as me being in drag but I never look happy in them. My Mom ended up taking down a bunch of family photos where I am so dressed because she started interpreting me as having "dead eyes" in them and they make her feel weird.

I can't really erase all existence of my past self as I feel that's kind of unfair to the other folk who were there with me at the time but we've definitely had conversations of "hey, using my old name and pronoun set to describe past me isn't cool, please don't." but stories where the tale's context involves me being interpreted as my birth sex by other people still feel bad. It doesn't feel like a clean chapter break. It feels messy and threaded with compromise like I made some kind of fairy bargain- rewarding true love in exchange for staying the frog and never becoming the prince but I make it work. At my worst I feel like I stuck in the middle of a story. If my partner ever dies or leaves me then there's a whole heartbroken third act that could kick off but as is I feel like I would still take a bullet for him any day of the week so this could just be the end of the tale. My relationship with act one is as compassionate to all involved as I can make it. It happened. It sucked. If I could go back and do it all over again from scratch I would have to know for certain that I would end up exactly back where I am now to not make different choices and as precarious as that is it's enough.

Honestly there's not really a way to know short of them telling you. There's a difference from folk just not liking the gender box people put them in and rejecting all the cultural trappings of gender (being a tomboy or a femboy) from them being trans. Transness goes a little further than just cultural markers, it's a reaction to one's body. Oftentimes that struggle on the outside just shows up as them not flourishing... And sometimes you don't recognize what them actually flourishing actually looks like because they never did until after they changed.

I grew up in the 90's and from sheer lack of exposure just didn't have words for what I was going through. I was aided by being fairly androgynous but really didn't talk to anyone about how good it felt to be read by strangers on occasion as my gender. I relied on gender neutral nicknames. I starved myself or overexercised to stay lean at points to keep myself from putting on weight that would go to areas that would outwardly show my body through clothes and avoided mirrors while naked but none of that clicked as me being trans until when I was 21 and living abroad in Japan where basically everybody read me as being what I was, either assuming me as a trans man or reading me as a cis man. None of this really caused me to self reflect until I was near the end of my visa and realized that going back to all my friends and family whom I loved dearly was a double edged sword. I would be locked back in to where people would enforcing my gender, lightly mind you. They weren't trying to force me to act any way at all but there was a gentle tyranny just by them correcting people who "got it wrong" or using my name or by men I saw as friends and peers treating me as a delightful oddity like I was some sort of ideal romantic though not nessisarily sexual conquest because I liked hobbies and masculine dominated spaces that few women participated in which in modern context would probably outwardly make me appear as some kind of "pick me". This realization that I didn't want to go back cascaded into me crashing hard up against all the novel fantasies I had neen distracting myself with that I would somehow go through some kind of magical event and instantly change body type and all my friends would just have to except me because "oh well magic..." I never believed this would actually happen mind, I wasn't delusional but I would amuse myself while walking around with these little daydreams. All at once though I realized that that was never going to happen. I was gunna be in this form until I died and I broke into a full on dispair. I didn't even know trans men existed and my only experience with trans women was representation where they were ridiculed. I backwards engineered that trans men must exist because that was the only thing that made any sense.

I stuffed it all under my hat for another 10 years, growing more distant with old friends and not making new friends. I read a bunch of feminism and chased out my internalized misogyny thinking that was the problem. It muddied the waters awhile but I couldn't shake that no matter how I told myself that being a woman and being a man were value neutral it didn't shake my feelings like I was playing out Franz Kafka's Metamorphosis and all people saw was the roach. I tried non-binary pronouns and a name change more or less as proof to myself that I was okay without and discovered the opposite.

My mom took me coming out hard only in the way that she felt she should of seen it sooner and it threw into sharp relief all those times where she'd tried to pressure me in little ways to be more fem. I don't begrudge her any of that. She says it should have been obvious but really no. If I had known that there were options I could have asked instead of hurting myself the way I did and struggling with the isolation then I might have. But I lived in a conservative town where just growing up in an agnostic household had seen me get literally have neighbor kids throw rocks at me growing up. Even if knew my friends and family were cool, there were medical options that would reduce all the regrets that I have now I might have buried and denied my needs anyway. My family had kept me alive by being awesome in other ways and I always knew that me dying would have destroyed them... And that's really all you can do. Let your kid know they are loved regardless of anything and let them sort themselves out. No need to brace and seek the signs one of them potentially trans, just let them know that you love them and if they are then you will still love them and want to do right by them.

This isn't as simple as you are implying as if you want to be a bro to trans people more nuance is generally required. Male and Female are not used strictly scientifically in context. Male and Female are often used as adjective forms of man and woman. Take the example of a male or female firefighter - if a trans man is a firefighter refering to him as a female firefighter using this reasoning comes across as fairly transphobic because it feels like you are either trying to utilize some sort of technical linguistic dodge to find an occasion to misgender them or your purpose is to out them to people unawares of their trans status.

Even when people use male and female as nouns instead of adjectives this transphobic reading applies because a lot of fairly obnoxious people will try and use these words as shorthand to imply that trans identities don't matter and to avoid calling you by terms that align to your identity or to isolate trans identify out of discussions. This is why you hear the phrase "Assigned male/female at birth" used by the trans community (though it actually originates from the intersex community) or "birth sex" to refer to groups that include non-binary people instead of just male or female. That linguistic abstraction is important because it implies removal by way of time. In trans terms one can be treated as female at birth given the assumption of cisness for infants implying that that term could be inaccurate in the present day.

By contrast "Trans Identitied males/females" is a transphobic dog whistle. "Biologic males/females" has the same vibe because from a scientific prospect the term is so bloody vague it is practically meaningless. The speaker is just trying to imply the social category is irrelevant or putting emphasis on an assumed physicality. Like if someone says for example "biological males in women's sports" you know the entire point they are going to be making is total exclusion before they even bother to elaborate further.

The reality is words Male and Female still represent social categories unless you append onto them more specific adjectives in term like Phenotypic, chromasomal or so on. These words are not immune from the cultural moment of negotiation of trans inclusion.

There are limited examples of this effect working in reverse. Take the word "Nice" for example. Nice back in ye old medieval times used to be a synonym for "stupid" or "simple" so saying someone was "nice" was insulting. Then there was this prolonged long fad where things being very plain and straightforward was considered a good thing and "Nice/simple" gained a positive connotation. Saying someone is "simple" or a "simpleton" retains this original sort of vibe but "Nice" now just means pleasant.