Boz (he/him) @ Bozicus @lemmy.one

Posts

2

Comments

180

Joined

2 yr. ago

I agree that it’s good to have some kind of deletion, even if it’s not really getting rid of the content. Nothing is ever really gone on the internet, but there is value in communicating to others that you meant to retract a comment.

Some instances don’t allow downvotes by people logged into that instance, which I think helps. (From both sides: I find that when I can’t downvote, I have a lot less motivation to read anything that makes me angry. I just keep scrolling).

Possibly relatedly, is this a good place to mention beans? I have not figured out where that meme actually came from, but apparently it’s a thing the cool kids are saying.

I think I personally give out more information in what I say than how I vote, and I think that’s going to be true for a lot of people here. I want to share, and that requires me to sacrifice some privacy.

No shade intended, but if you’re concerned about what your voting history will say about you, you might consider not interacting with posts at all, and if you’re really concerned, don’t curate a news feed, either. It’s totally fine to browse logged out if you really want to be safe. I think any level of concern about privacy is valid, but it’s useful to think about the whole picture when you evaluate your risk tolerance.

I find it’s possible to be logged into two instances on the same browser, so it doesn’t need to be more difficult than switching tabs. (That may change, I don’t know whether it’s technically desirable, but if it’s relevant to someone’s interests…)

I guess so. [/smh]

Wait, what? Target barely even had a Pride campaign this year. They started rolling it out early, then backpedaled so fast and so far that there was basically nothing in June. Certainly nothing that classified as “sexual” to a sane human being. Also, if they’re still claiming there was anything actually trans-body-friendly in children’s sizes, that is pure fiction. As a trans, queer person, I would give Target maybe a C- for LGBTQ+ - friendliness, and that’s giving them the benefit of the doubt. These scumbags are not only morally bankrupt, they’re barking up the wrong tree.

Oof. An apology is nice, but a user-friendly experience would be better. I signed up long ago that I didn’t have to give a driver’s license, but did have to give a checking account, and when I changed my name, they said they would change it on my account if I sent a driver’s license, and I think my legal name change paperwork. Which was doable, but I care more about having some semblance of privacy than I do about having my payment information be accurate. I don’t want anyone to have that much information about me unless I am getting something extremely valuable in exchange. I just think of it as having some random woman paying for my eBay purchases. It’s sort of disturbing to think about how long ago all of that was, lol.

Well, taking the most obviously affected instances down is a good start, anyway.

I'd give it at least a day or two to see how things shake out, unless it's really important to you to have that community up all the time.

I think that's a good sign. It probably means the problem is being dealt with by admins. Any communities on the affected instances that have subscribers on other instances will be backed up on those other instances, so most of the content is safe no matter what. I just hope the users on those instances know they can come to others in the meantime.

Based.

Both of these would be absolutely glorious Mary Sue names, and I am tempted to write the fanfics for them.

PayPal still has my deadname, tbh. I just didn't care enough to send them all the documentation they wanted, given that it would have been enough to allow anyone on their staff to steal my identity if they wanted.

I have not felt like eating at any point today, so I haven't. But I ate lots yesterday? I will probably eat a bunch of random stuff later.

You don't have to know what pronouns she would prefer in an ideal world, just which ones she is using right now. If she's going by she/her, and isn't open about possibly being nonbinary, then you should probably keep using she/her until she tells you to do something different. But if you're really that confused, you could ask. You can also always use they/them as a default when you're not sure, especially online.

I see that you don't mean any offense, but this is an odd question as written. You're basically asking what an extremely large, diverse group of people thinks about an even larger, more diverse group of people, and there's no way to give an accurate answer. We have all kinds of thoughts about cishet people, some unkind, some sympathetic, and most of us have cishet friends and family members. I'd say that on average, LGBTQ+ people have a more negative opinion of cishet people than cishet people have of themselves, because, on average, cishet people do not understand LGBTQ+ people, and in some cases, actively hate us. It's hard not to think of cishet people as a group as, in some way, hostile, even though not every cishet person is in any way a threat. We can't tell which ones are going to hurt us, intentionally or otherwise, so we lean towards caution and distrust.

I personally trust cishet people as a group less than I used to, because I just see more and more disappointing things over time. But it's not a case of going from "I think cishet people are ok" to "I think cishet people are bad," it's a case of going from"I think cishet people are ok," full stop, to "I think cishet people are ok, but am I going to be disappointed again today?" And, to be clear, I don't get disappointed just because someone accidentally says something offensive, that happens all the time. I can usually tell when people mean well, and I know it's hard to get it right when you don't know what it feels like to be on the other side. I do get disappointed when someone says or does something that lets me know they would be happier if I didn't exist. That's very different from just saying something awkward out of ignorance, and it happens more than I like to acknowledge.

As for your second, more specific question, how LGBTQ+ people would view you in particular, I can't speak for anyone but myself. I think you seem nice, but you also seem to be missing one of the most important aspects of the distinction between cishet and not, which is that as a cishet person, you have the option of saying you don't care about gender and sexuality. No one is going to beat you up because you're cishet, and you can go about your business without ever worrying about it. As a trans, queer person, I don't have that option. Someone might beat me up because I'm trans and queer, and it doesn't matter that I don't think it's a big deal. Other people do think it's a big deal, and they can make it a big deal for me in the worst possible way. I have to worry about how cishet people see me, while they don't have to worry about how I see them. They outnumber me, and are more likely to be in positions of power than LGBTQ+ people, so they are more likely to make trouble for me than vice versa.

... except in explicitly queer spaces. In those spaces, LGBTQ+ people will usually outnumber cishet people, and if cishet people come in and give us grief, we can push back. Some of us can't push back anywhere else, and it can make a big difference to have literally any space where it's okay to tell someone to go be cishet somewhere else, politely or otherwise. Any cishet person will eventually be told something like that if they spend a lot of time in LGBTQ+ spaces, usually not because they are bad people, or even because they did anything wrong, but just because we are really tired of having to put up with people who don't understand. If it happens to you, just remind yourself that the person yelling at you had probably gotten to the point where they were like, "if I hear one more straight person talk about their gay friend as a reason why they don't have to remember my pronouns, so help me..." (Yes, it's a little like "I have a black friend," but there's a difference between mentioning that as your experience, which is what you did, and using it as an excuse for bad behavior, which you are not. But being friends with people who are queer or trans just gives you information about those people, not queer or trans people in general, so be careful about drawing conclusions).

I see a lot of cishet people in queer spaces absolutely lose their minds over getting yelled at by queer people, because they're sure what they did wasn't bad enough to justify the amount of yelling, and that always makes it worse. In general, if you get a response online that seems totally disproportionate to what you actually said or did, the response isn't about you, and you don't need to take it personally. You have the option of trying to clarify what actually happened, or of walking away, and the latter is often better for the well-being of all concerned.

And that brings me to the answer to your last question, about what attitude you should have going into queer spaces. I'd recommend going in with the idea that it's not about you, whatever you find, and however you're treated. You'll be more welcome in some queer spaces than others, and also, at some times more than others. There's nothing you can do to avoid that, although you can and should try to figure out what is most likely to upset people. You don't need to understand why a particular thing upsets people, and you won't be expected to understand or to get everything right, but you will be expected to apologize for something you didn't mean to do. Some things are going to upset people no matter how good your intentions are, and you can't control that, either.

Based on what other people are saying, you'll probably be welcome here, and everything will be fine, and possibly I am a pessimistic old grouch who should go back to living under my bridge (lol). I have plenty of time for cishet people, even though I am an old grouch, and I hope you have only good experiences here. But maybe it'll help you at some point to be aware of the grouchier side of the coin.

I always think if I put some of the loose items into storage containers, I will have less clutter. But somehow, the more I rearrange stuff, the more space it occupies, and unless I label the containers immediately, I forget what's in them. (This happens even with clear containers, because I can only see like... one item through the side).

Ahahaha relatable. I've learned that it's best to only take out one thing at a time, because I never manage to finish a full clean-out. (I have a lot of health issues that make huge projects an issue). Taking out one thing to get rid of or put where it belongs (a lot of stuff in my closet should be somewhere else) results in limited mess even if I immediately dump the item on the bed and forget I was working on the closet.

Dear lord. Random UX changes are among my least favorite things. I have issues with focus/concentration and eyestrain, and I would genuinely rather have a crappy but consistent UX than random changes.