Sorry, but I'm going to have to disappoint you. I prefer the silicone due to the fact it can break away when snagged on stuff I don't wanna be attached to.
I never had water get under it when washing my hands, but do get water/sweat under it when working. Guess it just doesn't bother me.
A server can easily work 4-5 tables an hour. Assuming average bill of $50 per table, and average of 10% tips, that's $20-25 per hour. That average is most likely higher because of people like you who feel guilty and use the suggested tips lol.
What malware spreads automatically from just mounting the drive?