I've found scans of old game guides on archive.org, and you can still check out https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/ for walkthroughs, many of which are just .txt files that you can save and/or print.
Thanks for posting the archived version. I ran across this story recently and hit a paywall right after the article mentioned the problem with paywalls.
As far as tips, take a careful look through your settings. You may want to adjust things such as the content filter ( I believe it's on by default), turn on timestamps for posts, and turn off "Best Stuff First" if you want to avoid their dumb algorithm.
Be sure to review all the settings under the "Account" and "Dashboard" tabs, but then scroll down even further and click on settings for you actual blog(s). That's where you most of your privacy settings are, and you can do things like make your list of Likes and people you're following private, change who can send you ask&messages, etc.
I have an RG353V. I got that one for the aesthetic (looks like an old gameboy), and I do like it, but I can see why people generally suggest a model with a horizontal form factor instead, since the vertical (gameboy shaped) is not very ergonomic. I mainly stick to 8 or 16-bit games. but it should be able to handle 5th gen consoles (saturn, ps, n64) just fine, but 6th gen (dc, ps2, gamecube) will depend on what game you're running and may require tweaking the settings. ps3 is right out, I'm afraid.
Like I said, I mainly run older stuff, so double check what I'm saying if 5th and 6th gen games are important to you. I don't really mess with those.
If you want a handheld, Anbernic makes some good stuff. https://anbernic.com/ They do tend to load the SD card up with games beforehand, but the card is cheap & likely to fail, and the games are sorted & titled strangely (and may be otherwise dodgy). So you probably want to replace it with your own card with games you sourced yourself.
Legitimately never thought of using a lightsaber to, well, light anything. Like set something on fire. They melt stuff, though, so I guess they're pretty hot.
You're not wrong, but what was posted here was a "joke," and it would have been weakened by making it unnecessarily realistic.