toilet humour

PSA: For maximum hygiene, close the lid BEFORE you flush.

closes lid
Sits down
Shits on lid
Flushes
- Dad, you're drunk!
- Taking 'Upper decker' to the next level
But then how am I supposed to look at my poop swirling down the drain?
- And how can I stand in front of the toilet and pee into the flushing toilet then?
- That's the real reason I installed that camera under the seat
Mythbusters found it makes no difference in the spread of fecal matter. Toilet lids aren't perfect seals.
- Do you have a source? I googled it and this site said that Mythbusters found the opposite - https://www.theplumbingauthority.com/blog/2019/february/mythbusters-plumbing-edition/#:~:text=%234%20You%20should%20close%20your%20toilet%20lid%20before%20flushing&text=Mythbusters%20did%20an%20episode%20about,your%20bathroom%2C%20including%20your%20toothbrush.
Not how it works, sorry to tell you. In fact, putting the lid down means you are keeping those particles airborne for another 11 minutes or so due to increased pressure with the lid down.
- Do you have a source? I googled it and every site listed said you should close the lid. The only one that didn't was the New York Post, which is a famously inaccurate and overly contrarian news source.

Plus if you drop anything in the bathroom and the lid is up it's ending up in the toilet, learned that one morning when I was about to brush my teeth, that's when I became a dedicated kid closer

dedicated kid closer
"Listen, I just know you're going to love this play set; and what a deal you're getting on it, too!"
- I’m in sales myself and have always admired people that can close with such young markets. Your TEDx “Never Speak First” on power dynamic sales with preverbal toddlers was riveting, what other tricks have you learned to adapt with new generations?
- "By the way, I'm not too sure if this deal will last until after your afternoon nappies, so you should probably think about when you're gonna pick this up! I mean, what a waste it would be, right? Remember Mr. Sprinklemuffins?"
- Juice boxes are for closers.
My braces single elastic band one time landed perfectly in the toilet bowl. At work, lol.
- What did you do next?
  No pressure, but your answer may dictate whether I sleep ~~tonight~~ ever again.

Flushing after closing the lid is actually hygienic.

- May I interest you in a (not toilet) paper I skimmed back when Covid was still a bigger issue? https://doi.org/10.1063/5.0013318
  In another, newer, paper (again, not the toilet kind of paper) I just found, researchers basically used lasers to see and analyze the spread of aerosol plumes after flushing: https://doi.org/10.1038/s41598-022-24686-5

I always flush with the lid down. Keeps less in the air.

Hate to break it to you, toilets aren't airtight. The particles go right out the side and tend to last longer in the air when the lid is down. It's creates a reduction in visible particles as it seems the lid causes bigger particles to form so ergo less "visible particles" but they are just bigger and last longer for some reason versus the smaller ones. As has been demonstrated by the Mythbusters and many other studies, the biggest factor is having proper ventilation otherwise your gonna find shit particles everywhere regardless of if you close the lid or not.
- Every source I can find says that closing the lid is better.
- That's not making sense to me. Would you be willing to find your sources? Larger particles would not spend more time in the air as far as I know. It's almost like you're claiming it's better to sneeze wild straight out everywhere instead of into your elbow, handkerchief, or tissue.
- Why don't these things have more of a seal by now? It's supposed to be the future.
- But that applies to most commercial toilets with high flow rate. Most home toilets don’t do much more than let gravity do the work. There’s no aerosolized particles, just a few splashes or droplets that may escape
- The reduced airspeed of the shit particles thanks to the closed lid slows the buildup of shit particles on bathroom surfaces enough for my regular cleaning to be sufficient
- ☹️ thanks for letting me know

Plus, it’s more mysterious and potentially surprising.

Yeah that coworker who never removes his stains loves to make people focus on it.
Well now I'm going to expect something surprising
- Then it’s just gross any way you’d flip the lid.

If you don't shut the lid before you flush it sends poopoo peee particles flying around the bathroom onto your toothbrush

Mythbusters found it makes virtually no difference, and lid down can actually make particles go further due to the pressure forcing them through a smaller gap.
- This is terrible news
- What episode was this? I can only find evidence of the opposite of what you're claiming here
- Myth Busters are not a solid scientific source. I discussed the issue a bit, linking to some papers in another comment here: https://feddit.de/comment/5298414
This is legit the reason I started putting the lid down as a kid lmao

I close the lid because otherwise my cat will drink out of the toilet

Seat AND lid go down, always, no exceptions. Other than having a fundamental redesign of the entire structure, this is the only correct solution.

I've always thought that toilets should be more like shower stalls.
- care to elaborate?

I truly don't understand how this is a thing at all... Takes less than a second to open the lid, why would you not close it by default?

Just automate it and get a Japanese Bidet that opens and closes automatically. Problem solved.

Get one of those non-slamming lids and it's too easy to knock if down while flushing. It's half closed as you leave the room.

Only downside is when you're at a friend's place and realize too late that they don't have such an awesome amenity. You end up being the toilet slamming asshole, yet again.
- I'm feeling déjà vu reading this comment
- I immediately imagined it being a heavy seat that gets slammed too XD

Only at 25 I have learned I am supposed to close the lid, no one ever said anything about that before in my life. Now I am always doing it.

That probably means your parents didn't put it down in the house you grew up in. You would have worked out it was always closed every time you walk in.
So you were never going to learn at home, you did well to work that out at 25

You also are allowed to flush when you put the toilet seat down, as is evidenced in the diagram.

Yes I always leave it closed if it has a tank

Not humour, just facts.

This is how I needed this dilemma explained to me.

Best reason to close the lid: The things you do in the toilet smell. Lid keeps the smells from spreading.

Flushing is a thing.
- Tell me you haven't owned a house without telling me you haven't owned a house
Plus it hides the nasty stuff you leave behind, when you don't know how to operate a toilet brush.
I do it to prevent my dog from drinking from the toilet
Actually it doesn't, flushing with the lid closed can leave the particles in the air for up to around 11minutes longer as they exit the side of the toilet with more velocity and pressure. It's not a sealed system.
- Yeah, I'm aware that toilet lids are not an airtight system, I've seen them. It still does slow down airflow enough for most of the poop to settle instead of spreading to your whole house.

Chair height, elongated bowl for the win.

Real pros streamline and take off the seat and lid altogether.

unhygienic
- Look at this plebian making contact with the toilet when shitting. What's wrong, not enough thigh strength?
  /s
What if you need to sit? I'm gonna guess this is a joke
- Free kegels!!
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Squat_toilet
Especially common for public bathrooms in Asia and parts of Europe, specifically because there is no direct skin contact which reduces risk of infection. There are also claims that you poop easier squatting than sitting.
on your personal toilet that(is) the only way

ㅤ

I have a solution to our hygiene problems, everyone: poop hoses. Dropping a spooky dookie into a bowl of water is outdated and gross. We can just attach a poop hose to our bee hinds and wham! Hygiene.

I usually close it afterwards, unless I did a stinky - then I’ll leave it open to throw off suspicion.

- Lid up when flushing means the particles stay in the air for less time vs closing the lid. Closed lid creates more pressure, and the particles will also travel farther.

They don't have Washlets (bidet seats) so they're all a fail from me :P

Though 100% on closing the lid.

my toilet in rented apartment doesn't have a lid

Pro tip; keep an umbrella in the corner, pop it open and set it upside down on the turlet before you flush
You can buy lids at Home Depot/Lowes.

Everyone else dribbles all over the seat and doesn't clean it so I leave it up.

Because as we all know, bacteria stay put and do not travel to anything else, even if it touches the bacteria laden surface.

Quit ya bitching and roll the math.

Some stand to pee. Some sit to pee. everyone sits to shit. In a mixed gender household the seat gets most use down.

Not at all what the meme is talking about
- The meme is making it look like seat down is presumptuous, which it is not. It has the least effort vs hygiene trade-off, since sitting to pee is much more hygienic.
I agree, and I propose a second reason: it is too easy (for my dumb self, at least) to not realize the seat is up, try to sit down, and go for an unexpected swim

I think you're expecting some women to show up and argue with you like this is drive time FM radio with Wacky Bob the DJ but all you're going to get is dudes trying to act like they won because they get mad at the word hygiene and piss on the seat when they leave just to spite you.

Yes, when they leave. They won't put the lid down without a gun to their heads, but they'll hold one last bit of tinkle just for you.

This joke needs a more appropriate venue, is what I'm saying . Nobody here actually cares about the subject.