Actually had to check my ID last week in order to remember my own birthday
Actually had to check my ID last week in order to remember my own birthday
83 comments
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I too have to check my license and probably also ask what year it is when anyone asks me how old I am.
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From age 40, I keep forgetting how old I am by a year. I thought I was 41 throughout 40, and all through 41 I thought I was already 42. I’ll do the math every few months and realize the mistake, then forget about it and make the mistake again.
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I would argue that making a mistake or not knowing does not count as misgendering.
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The mistake is still a misgender. It's just whether it's interpreted as rude or not.
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Actually had to check my ID last week in order to remember my own birthday
Not too long ago, I was filling out a form and had to ask my wife my age. She had to think about it for a minute. We're the same age.
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Happened to me several days ago too. Somebody asked me my age and the only thing that I remembered was my birth year. So I said: "I'm born in 19**, can't do the math." We laughed it off after that
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I thought we had a trans woman at work because some guy kept saying her name wrong. I thought he was being a bigot, turns out he just wasn't saying it right.
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Brosephanie.
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Every person's birthday that im supposed to remember I usually am a day or two off. I consider that a win!
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I misgender people because there is only 1 gender... that is people of god. Woman was made with the rib of man.
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id rather simply refuse to talk to anyone who uses their religion to justify eradicating my existence, not worth the headache
they dont use logic to spread their hate, so it doesnt matter what logic you bring to them. they will ignore it and continue to hate no matter how hard you try
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Sorry, who birthed you?
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My mom birthed me ;)
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This is actually the real problem with this whole custom gender nonsense. Even in an attempt to do the right thing, you get confused because your brain tells you something but you're not sure. It caused tons of social awkwardness. It's not how normal people communicate, and I lived through some real problems that happened when normal people tried to be nice, and the trans person was just being offended for lack of understanding of the situation and how it's confusing.
The solution in my case is to just not be friends with anyone who religiously demand to confuse me. Buh-bye!
Now call me all the names you want. Couldn't care less.
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Oh, no... an opinion of a stranger online!
(Did I do that right?)
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Aces!
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Spoken like a true douchebag.
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With honor! Being labeled douche bag by nut jobs just means I'm doing very well!
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83 comments
It's way easier to accidentally misgender people you know than it is for a stranger. I sometimes misgender or deadname my sister because I've known her as a him with a different name way longer, and sometimes my brain just resets to factory default.
Yup, I've been there.
A friend of mine from the first job I had after high school transitioned maybe ten years ago (a time gap of about twenty years).
She would get pissed that I would deadname her, and sometimes use the wrong pronouns, partially because I would meet other trans people through her and never fuck up. I kept apologizing, and explained that it isn't intentional, it's just decades of brain patterns being laid down with the old name. It took me damn near five years to totally switch over without an occasional fuckup.
It's a thing, it turns out. Even the most supportive, staunch allies have trouble switching those patterns because they're kinda etched into the brain. It happens when people make other name changes too. Happens with titles after promotions, with surnames after marriage, or just random name changes for personal preference. Name changes during transition aren't any different in the amount of time it takes to switch gears.
Doesn't really make it any easier for the trans person, of course, but at least it can help them to know it isn't intentional.
Hell, I have friends who have changed their names for non-transy reasons. I just kinda suck with names to begin with, so it takes a minute for their names to click so I don't accidentally deadname Becky (yeah I wonder why she goes by her middle name now) and some of my other friends I've known since we were knee high to a grasshopper. Hell, one's my cousin and it can take me ten minutes to remember which variation of his name he's using this decade. It's kind of easier to remember my trans friends' new names because (at least with my friends specifically) their name change coincided with a look change and I'm a very visual person.
"which name they're going by this decade"
It's boggles my mind some folks (not that you did) bring this up as a refutation of some sort. A habitual Thanksgiving guest has been figuring some stuff out for a while. I couldn't care less what they go by, except in so far as I hope it makes them happy. Like I guess I'd be happy to see it consistent because that means that person found something they're extra comfy in, but in meantime you do you... And please pass the gravy... And also what did you think about starfield... Only reason we need to talk about it is if you need someone to talk to.
Yeah, people gonna fuck up. Imo, better to assume mistake than malice
Haven't really had to deal with this much, but getting immediate family member's name correct the first time is a challenge for me even when they've always had the same name. If their names start with the same letter, their names may get mixed up often...