In remembrance

The toilet might hatch.

Your butt explode

The hole pulls your cheeks apart and puts pressure on the roids

Deep vein thrombosis?

Hemorrhoids.

I have struggled with constipation my whole life.

For most people, including me, constipation is caused by dehydration. I'm still working on increasing my water intake, but in the meantime:

1. If cannot poop, get off the toilet.
2. Go chug a couple glasses of water.
3. Pop some squats. Hold low position for a few seconds.
4. Try pooping again when it feels right.

Putting your pants back on for this process is optional.