Sucks to be you, Pheidippides!

Listen fam, Pheidippides is THE OG runner. He ran 300 miles on a round trip Athens - Sparta fun run to ask for help from the persian invasion. Then right after that, Ran to the battle feild, and saw some serious shit. Aka Greek phalanx kicking the crap out of the Persian war machine. Not to make light tho, likely 10s of thousands died in hand to hand combat, and he witnessed the end of the battle. Homie ran home to tell everyone that we won. Then died... In front of the whole city-state. Not a lot of people think about the word epic and what that word actually means. Pheidippides' story is carved in stone. There have been statues of him essentially since his death, and still, there are statues of him today, 2500 years later. And literally hundreds of thousands of people run races in his honor monthly. Hell, he made running cool. Fucking change my mind. Oh yeah, his last words inspired the brand name NIKE, maybe the most famous running shoe company? Pre Fontaine is also a G, but ain't got near the prowess.

Bro's got nothing on Cliff Young
A potato farmer, aged 61, he turned up in overalls and work boots to the Sydney to Melbourne ultramarathon, 875km.
Young arrived to compete in overalls and work boots (though he ran the race in a new pair of runners somebody gave him), without his dentures (later saying that they rattled when he ran).[9] He ran at a slow and loping pace and trailed the pack by a large margin at the end of the first day. While the other competitors stopped to sleep for six hours, Young mistakenly woke up at 2 am, several hours earlier than intended, and began running, taking the lead while the other runners slept. Young then decided to avoid sleep as a strategy, and finished the rest of the race without sleeping at all, eventually finishing in 1st place 10 hours faster than the runner who came in second.[1] Before running the race, he had told the press that he had previously run for two to three days straight rounding up sheep in gumboots.[10] He said afterwards that during the race he imagined he was running after sheep trying to outrun a storm. The Westfield run took him five days, fifteen hours and four minutes,[1] almost two days faster than the previous record for any run between Sydney and Melbourne, at an average speed of 6.5 kilometres per hour (4.0 mph). All six competitors who finished the race broke the old record. Upon being awarded the prize of A$10,000 (equivalent to $36,011 in 2022), Young said that he did not know there was a prize and that he felt bad accepting it, as each of the other five runners who finished had worked as hard as he did—so he gave A$3,000 to 41-year-old Joe Record and A$4,000 to the other runners, keeping only A$3,000 for himself.
I mean I exaggerate the Pheidippes is the OG runner yeah, but this guys kinda tough imo as well, haha.
That inspired a thing called "the Young shuffle". Kinda like the Fosbury Flop.
- Love that he hooked up the other runners with some Skrill. "Sorry I whooped your ass in this race, here's a couple Gs for your trouble"
His last words were "wassup, we won"
This is what I come to the comments for.
- Greek history is soooo much more entertaining when you make Athens the Crips and Sparta the Bloods

- If it were written in the miles from the same millenium it would be 28.5 Roman miles
Thanks
he actually ran like 300 miles over 4 days
Now correct the kid-pidgin to English as well. 'ppl' is what my nephew mumbled around his pablum.
- Character limits are a bitch to be fair. What's wild to me though that you seem to think abbreviations were invented alongside texting by today's youth, not y'know ancient Greece using IMP for Imperator on their coins and shit.
  Sure, they got more popular in the late 1800s in English, but I don't think you're that old to be calling 145yo people "kids" lol.
- Did he say it like "pee-pee-el"?
  Because I'd just say that as "people"

Imagine how poor Jesus feels about all those crosses in churches and on people's necklaces.

The caricature of religion that exists now might be the real disappointment. Or maybe it's the same as it was then, idk I'm not a historian
- Or maybe it’s the same as it was then
  Famously so. Like all the tables he broke and the people he cussed inside a temple.

Hadn't the person already done a bunch of running before they set off on the marathon run? It's been a while since I read about it, but I do remember there being more to the story.

To be fair, people do still occasionally die during marathons.

Look, we named spiders after him, what else does he want?

And they are jumping spiders. By far the coolest of cool spiders. And they make great interactive pets once they get to know you.
- Waiiit a minute, are you a jumping spider, man?

Da fuck does "instant hands" mean?

Straight fisticuffs

I actually lold

'Instant hands"? Wouldn't they be dead at that point?

but, you'd be dead?

*brag, the word is brag.

Flex is more to show off. You can show off without bragging about it, although everyone who runs marathons seems to brag...
Flexin that vocab!
You can't brag on someone, so you'd have to say a longer phrase like "brag about being better than". Or you could just use some slang like flex, which is much snappier