Another smart move

Git default branch renamed back from main to master

and all the others start with "slave/"
- Merge me senpai
(Someone else made it but I can't find the source)
That one actually seems plausible, if he ever learns about that whole thing
Would be the most sane thing he's ever done.

Yeah...this one is sadly on brand
- Sadly? Master branch never implied the existence of a slave branch. It was one of the dumbest pieces of woke incursion into tech.
- For this political correctness you get trunk.

Push directly to master, not main
No command line args, just change the global const and recompile
No env vars either
Port numbers only go up to 5280, the number of feet in a mile
All auth is just a password; tokens are minority developers, not auth, and usernames are identity politics
No hashes – it's the gateway drug to fentanyl
No imports. INTERNAL DEVELOPERS FIRST
Exceptions are now illegal and therefore won't occur, so no need to check for them
SOAP/XML APIs only
No support for external machines. If it's good enough for my machine, it's good enough for yours.

Exceptions are now illegal and therefore won't occur, so no need to check for them
Ah, I see you've met C++ developers.
No command line args, just change the global const and recompile
Nah, don't use global variables, magic values everywhere. And don't use const whatsoever, we need to move fast and break things, we can't let something immutable stop us
Port numbers only go up to 5280, the number of feet in a mile
What about internationalization – do the European port numbers go up to the cm or only meter count within a kilometer?

Main branches will be renamed Master

More like Grandwizard
- Elon Musk will fund the development of KKK++, a programming language that will bring us back to the good old times before "GOTOs considered harmful" dropped, because real programmers not only do away with memory safety, but structured programming too.
Nope Main branches will be renamed Daddy

GTFOH with that. 1-indexed arrays?! You monster.

(Mostly joking... Ok, somewhat joking :P )

Lua has entered the chat
- Lua had been banned from the chat
- Writing Lua code that also interacts with C code that uses 0 indexing is an awful experience. Annoys me to this day even though haven't used it for 2 years
- and MATLAB, Visual Basic (with Option Base 1), and SQL.
- This is one of the few things that I really don't like any Lua. It's otherwise pretty decent and useful.
Visual Basic used to let you choose if you wanted to start arrays at 0 or 1. It was an app-wide setting, so that was fun.
- I've not heard that name in a long time...
How is arrays starting at 1 still a controversial take. Arrays should start at 1 and offsets at 0.
- Arrays are address offsets.
- So what's 0 do then? I'm okay with wacky indexes (I've used something with negative indexes for a end-index shorthand) but 0 has to mean something that's actually useful. Using the index as the offset into the array seems to be the most useful way to index them.
- I can't believe an objectively true claim gets downvoted.

Error handling should only be with "if"

Variable names must be generic and similar to each-other

Debugging is only done with prints

Version numbers must be incoherent, hard to order correctly, contain letters and jump in ways that don't align with the updates done.

Single letters or UTF8 symbols only. Emojis are encouraged.
Variable names should be var{n} where n = 0, 1, 2...
- Pff, just use the numbers directly:
  php
  
  ${1} = "value"; ${2} = "DOGE";
  That makes it possible to do stuff like:
  php
  
  for (${152} = 1; ${152} <= 2; ${152}++) { ${666} = $${152}; print(${666}); }
  This is a valid code, btw.
- Something something the cruelty is the point.

He’s got to be in contact with the CEO of my company, this is trade secret theft if not…

MAGA - Make Assembly Great Again

From this point on, all arrays are reverse-indexed.

♾️-0 ♾️-1 ...
- Hey now, you know that according to the Bible the biggest number is a million. Anything larger than that including infinity is some of that "woke shit".
  Your array will be 999,999, 999,998, 999,997 ...

NGL, this kind of form of putting the decisions the monkey-in-charge is making in a way experts in a field will understand, is a very good way to showcase the absurdity.

Are there really people capable of understanding this who aren't capable of understanding, for example, "tariffs increase inflation"?

Am I The only one that sees the tie as yellow in this photo?

Halfway to Lua lol

I don't get why only four of these are jokes

Haven't heard of the stack address thing, anyone got a TLDR on the topic?

https://softwareengineering.stackexchange.com/questions/386194/why-do-we-still-grow-the-stack-backwards
TL;DR: For historical reasons stacks growing down is defined in hardware on some CPUs (notably x86). On other CPUs like some ARM chips for example you (or more likely your compiler's developer) can technically choose which direction stacks go but not conforming to the historical standard is the choice of a madman.
Pretty sure that it’s something a long the lines of “stack begins high, grows down, while heap behind low grows high” when they meet, it’s a stack overflow
- They don't have to meet, the max stack size is defined at compile time
Dynamic stacks are pretty common in the most popular scripting languages, but considered bad practice from folks who use systems languages

I started reading that from the top and got increasingly angry on the way down. That creature is a monster.

Arrays not starting at 1 bother me. I think the entrenched 0-based index is more important than any major push to use 1 instead, but if I could go back in time and change it I would.

It really doesn't make sense to start at 1 as the value is really the distance from the start and would screw up other parts of indexing and counters.
- It would screw up existing code but doing [array.length() -1] is pretty stupid.
- It doesn't make sense that the fourth element is element number 3 either.
  Ultimately it's just about you being used to it.
- Yeah, but if we went back and time and changed it then there wouldn't be other stuff relying on it being 0-based.
Also remove null reference
this is what messed me up with ZSH for a bit, having a shell default to 1 instead of 0 was weird
- Rare zshell L

What about stacks grows to higher addresses?

Im unfamiliar with this as well. If you are allocating memory for a stack, why does it matter which direction it populates data? Is this just a convention?
- I asked deepseek: Downward-growing stacks** are more common in many architectures (e.g., x86, ARM). This convention originated from early computer architectures and has been carried forward for consistency.
  Funny, I can't remember, because I did a lot of assembler.

didn't know donny was a forth programmer

Implying the orange fella has any say in programming language design and general tech conventions

Implying he only makes executive orders about things he has a say in.
- You have a point unfortunately.