It's rule for me

i don't wanna be married, they better not assign me shit

Me till someone calls me a good boy uwu

OK, serious talk for anyone under thirty who is really relating to this; you don't even know who you are before you hit your thirties.

I'm dead fucking serious here. Under twenty, you're basically still in the oven, and your twenties are basically spent figuring out who and what the fuck you are. Thirty is when the good shit starts. Thirty is when you start to finally have a grasp on who you are as a human being. Dating in your thirties is so much fucking better. You're past the idiocy and the drama and you're into the part where actual human adults learn to understand each other.

Please, please get out of this mindset that anyone over thirty is an ancient crone. You're not even out of the fucking tutorial yet.

But my 20s are my most handsome years and now they're over! In a paltry ten years I'll have some gray hairs and creases! 😭
- tbh I kinda feel that. Maturity has its own kind of sexiness that I can appreciate, but that doesn't mean that I can't be bummed out about my early 20s soft femboi twink years having gone unappreciated.
Yup, I didn’t find my wife until we were both in our 30’s, but we’re both happier than ever. Finding the right person takes time and probably a lot of rejection.
Out of all the high school sweethearts who got married young, I only know one couple who is still together and doesn’t hate each other.
- Yeah, most of the people I know who got into relationships young ended up getting out of those relationships sooner or later. I can only think of one exception. But the relationships I see people building in their middle age are so much stronger and healthier.
Hell yes. Dating in my thirties has been 10x better than my dating attempts in my twenties. Not to mention with how the trend is moving with gen z’s dating/sex lives? For them dating in their thirties is going to be…like, their main dating life.
- Could you elaborate please (I've been born into one of those youngsters I think)
Almost 30 here, can relate. Still have no clue what the hell I am, what I really want to be myself and what and who I'd like to see around. Though as time goes, the less I really want or care to figure those out, so... Ughh.
As somebody in my mid twenties, I primarily date people in their 30s for this exact reason. I need somebody mature with their shit a little more figured out. Dating people my own age can be fun, but they don't really have the maturity required to deal with somebody who's gone through as much trauma and mental illness as I have.
Case in point, my longest lasting relationship with somebody within 5 years of my age was 1 month long. My shortest lasting relationship with somebody older than me by more than that was 2 years.

This feels like something an incel would seriously suggest.

How old is the poster?

Way younger than 30
Shit 30 isn't even old
I don't feel indestructible like I did at 20 but damn do I feel great
- 5 years later... "How the fuck did I manage to sleep wrong again and hurt my neck/back"

For a movie with this premise, may I recommend The Lobster

Such a good film!

Lol this aint even true. The average marriage age for men is 30

Well yeah, that's when they get assigned their person, duh 🙄
- 40yo single dude checking in. I think the government lost my assignment form!

No thank you. Being assigned a random romantic partner could be a burden. I'd rather stay alone.

Ew, no thanks

Big mood. Just had the third person tell me, "I'm just not feeling any romantic chemistry" in as many weeks.

Wondering if it's time to give up.

The dating pool is functionally infinite, giving up is like the one possible mistake.
- Yeah, but I'm fucking exhausted and tired of being disappointed.
I've dated over and under 30 and IMO, after 30 dating gets better. Don't lose hope!
Not cause of your age. I got told that all the time in high school! And college. And after college.
Anyway, I eventually got a partner, but having a consecutive string of meeting romantically incompatible potential partners is not age dependent.
Just to commiserate my neighbor once asked me if I was going to die alone. In her defense she was high and hasn't asked since. That's how it's going for me.
Have you heard of "sexy indifference"? A relative of mine mentioned it. It kind of makes sense. If you don't seem desperate or greedy for a relationship, you'll be more fun to be around and won't care as much either, because you have your own thing going on.
- Most people just say don't look desperate.

"If you love me why do you want me to sign this paper entitling you to half of my stuff?"

Get a prenup if that's your only issue. Married taxes are better, and being auto beneficiary is also useful (e.g. social security survivors benefits). With the right person insurances and credit score/limit are better. Sometimes just hospital visits require being a relation. Immigration for coming to or going to another country is easier.
Marriage is showing your commitment legally/bureaucratically so that your bond isn't questioned easily both individuals also gain financial benefits from it.

As it stands now, you could give me an amazing person to be with who would check all my boxes and would be a perfect match

And I would break up with them anyway in about 6 months.

I have a VERY avoidant attachment style that I need to shake before I can get into anything.

If it helps anyone in a similar situation, after a shroom trip two weeks ago, I realized my issue is a deeeeeep seated shame- my "Mr. Ethics" vibe is a facade and if you cross examined me long enough you would find out I'm rotten to the core.
I know this is false, but it's so engrained it's hard to shake.
In relationships, I'll feel very anxious because I feel like "the jig is gonna be up soon, they'll see you for who you are, you will hurt them" so I'll usually drop and run.
4 hours later
Also I started this comment a few hours ago, but since have chatted with my friend over beers and he told me about "parts therapy". Basically acknowledge there are many parts to you, there is no single you. There is the "superhero" you, the "deviant" you, the "artist", the "lover", etc. So in trying to identify this core I believe is rotten, I came up with "the sleezy politician". I feel like I can manipulate people like hell- I can put on the charm to get what I want or to avoid risk. I can think of times when this version of me was necessary as a survival mechanism. Highschool was clique-city, and the theater department was a social minefield. My family had a heavy political side. Growing up I felt like I had a superpower to lie and get away with anything, it took me a while to realize it wasn't a superpower but would hurt me so much more later. All that I learned through that is something I now need to undo, and that is to be comfortable with myself and not care about how others see me.
Ooof sorry I kinda word vomited but thanks for being my prep for tomorrow's therapy sesh.
- So if I understand you correctly, I don't hate myself. I hate only one part of myself? I think I've slowly been coming to that conclusion. I've been trying to be kinder to myself overall lately.

Can confirm, am 30 😣

I'm past thirty and I learned to ve comfortable alone a long time ago. For me to get married or even just start a relationship with someone they'd have to drastically improve my life. It's very unlikely some random assigned by the government is going to do that.

Did you get another 30 year old? Or just anyone available?