What visage hath Marcellus Wallace?

There's a crowdsourced full-length Shakespearean translation of Pulp Fiction called Bard Fiction, and it's quite good.

JULIUS

Forsooth, did I thy concentration break? Continue, please! Thou did, methinks, now speak Of our ill will. But now thy tongue is still? Allow me, then, to offer a retort. Describe to me Marsellus Wallace, pray.

BRITTANUS

What?

JULIUS

In which far land did thou first come to be?

BRITTANUS

What?

JULIUS

Thou sayest thou dost hail from distant What! I know but naught of thy strange country What. Which language speak they in the land of What?

BRITTANUS

What?

JULIUS

English, base knave, dost thou speak it?

BRITTANUS

Aye!

JULIUS

Then my words are not Greek to thy dull ears.

BRITTANUS Nay!

JULIUS Then hearken to my words and answer them! Describe to me Marsellus Wallace!

BRITTANUS What?

JULIUS (Holds his blade pointed at Brittanus' eye) Speak “What” again! Thou cur, cry “What” again! I dare thee utter “What” again but once! I dare thee twice and spit upon thy name! Now, paint for me a portraiture in words, If thou hast any in thy head but “What”, Of Marsellus Wallace!

People have actually put it on stage too, it works.
Excerpt from the play: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6dfLkcTAR80
- It really amazes me how theater actors are able to memorize an entire play.
- Oh god! And this comment:
  "Dids't thou see a sign upon my domicile stating "Dead Moor Storage?""
- 😂🙏
I like how Julius' lines fit the pentameter, but Brittanus' "What?" shits right past it.
- Does Brittanus speak in prose like Dogberry I wonder.
Do you have a link to the full script? I can't seem to find it
- I think the creators will share the full script in the context of putting on a production.

Ye Olde English, you crooked nosed knave, dost thou speak it?

Fun fact:
Ye is not pronounced with entirely vowel sounds, as is often heard. Y was a thorn in middle and Early Modern English, which represented the “th” sound so it was still pronounced the.
(This was just a linguistics fun fact, in old English the thorn would have been written Þ or þ which ruins your joke, but wasn’t my intent :( )
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thorn_(letter)
Relevant bit: with the arrival of movable typeprinting, the substitution of ⟨y⟩ for ⟨Þ⟩ became ubiquitous, leading to the common "ye", as in 'Ye Olde Curiositie Shoppe'. One major reason for this was that ⟨Y⟩ existed in the printer's types that were imported from Belgium and the Netherlands, while ⟨Þ⟩ did not.[5] The word was never pronounced as /j/, as in ⟨yes⟩, though, even when so written.[6]

The face-off we didn’t know we needed

Some time ago I translated a chunk of that scene into Latin. Here's a bigger one. I'll use spoilers to avoid clutter.

"Doth he exude similarities to a wench?"

Hath he the countenance of a she-hound?

THIS. THIS, is what fine art is to me.

Dōþ hīe spēcāþ Englisc on hwæt?

Just occurred to me that hwæt was the original non-binary pronoun. meaning what, why, who, how, how many, how much, what kind, anything, something, whatever or it depending on context.
With hit/git/wit being the gender neutral personal pronouns.

I bet he says layer of thy mother a lot.

This timepiece is of your forefathers.

I beg thy pardon.

Dos the right and honorable Marsellus Wallace resemble a female canine?
- The word bitch comes from bicce or biche, dating back to 1,000 CE so it's unlikely they would say "female canine," cause they had a word for precisely that.