*doing my best google impression* Did you mean: turn it up?

I met a blind guy who wanted to experience a concert, so I took him to hear Coldplay. He said, "Now I wish I was also deaf."

Go to enough concerts without hearing protection and he will get his wish.
- I live about 10km from a big festival site. We could hear Metallica playing the other year.
- I've been to hundreds and do have the tinnitus but it doesn't much bother me at all. I rarely go anymore because of unrelated reasons, but it was all worth it.
I can see and I'd be pissed if that was the concert you took me to without forewarning.

My gran grans favorite "get up and go" songs.
My Neck, My Back (Lick It)
Magic Stick
Put It In Your Mouth
Look Back At Me
Deepthroat
Pussy Monster
Anaconda
- Is your gran single?
My wife still struggles with language and memory after her strokes from several years back, but every now and then she'll break into song with a perfect tune from even as far back as her childhood.
- Please stop, that's beautiful. Best of luck to you and your wife ❤️🥺
- "speak-singing" is a thing some people do to work around language issues, apparently it's an entirely different part of the brain.
I want to get a tatoo that says "Things to play if I have brain damage" or something, then put bands and genres that hit core memories.
- Get a qr code to a Spotify playlist. This way you won't have to get laser removal when you want to change a song
- This is my new objective today.
So that's gonna be whirling-in-rags (evening) and Mute City (Kyaku remix), respectively, for me.

My spouse was admitted to hospital for two weeks and had several geriatric roommates. The nurse asked one of them if she knew where she was, and she yelled "IN SATAN'S ASSHOLE".

Oh so Texas?
- That actually isn't even much of a stretch for Texas names. I live near the Devil's Backbone.
- Satan's asshole in Texas is called Dan Patrick.
- More specifically, Houston.
Nurse here: we ask 'orientation' questions as part of our assessment
I had a younger patient going through the straights with hallucinations (newly diagnosed schizophrenia)... and I had been asking the same questions (as we do) a lot
So I asked them once again, "Do you know why you're in the hospital?". Their response: "Deez nuts!"
I always appreciate a good "Deez nuts" joke, but that one has been my favorite so far. The volition on their face and the shitty smirk; they're completely tied down with a guard because they would occasionally be violent... but hot damn, that was a zinger.
I counted their response as oriented— they know what they did lol
- I like that so much! Deez nuts lol.

Huh didn't realize people hate Coldplay so much. Not for me, but I didn't think they were particularly bad.

I could be comatose, damn near brain dead, almost lifeless, and if Rhianna starts singing country I will jump out of the medical bed and throw myself out the nearest window to get away from it.
- Not a country fan, or not a Rihanna country fan? I'm neither, really, but curious to hear from people with real opinions on the genre, etc
I love Coldplay, but this is just funny
For a while they were like Maroon 5 level over exposed. I don't think I've heard a song from them in a while though.
- To be honest that level of overexposure doesn't happen if you totally suck. It was cool to hate on them for a while though. You know, just like it's cool to hate anything mainstream or basic, which is honestly a pretty basic way to view art in general. Like literally all it takes to participate is to notice that something is popular.
  Edit: Although to be honest the way media companies love to milk songs to death is super annoying and makes you hate the music. You see it today with trending tiktok sounds. I'd blame this more than the quality of the music.

For a short moment I thought she was referring to the life support.

Doesn't make the joke funnier per se, but a lot darker

turns off life support
"HAMMOND YOU BLITHERING IDIOT!"

Did you mean, "turn IT up"?

Also, if bands were colors, Coldplay would be beige.

Is that a kind of yellow?
Listen to the song, see how it sounds to.you, it's doggy do, and they were all BEIGE

My grandpa had a stroke and the various Mormon friends neighbors that never said a word to this coffee drinking sailor suddenly wanted to put church choir music on.

He likes Mozart and I will bury you in the backyard if you try

I read this as if she was on life support.

I saw her as an old southern girl like that lady from the notebook.

I think they misspoke. They probably meant to say Nickelback, not Coldplay.

Does anyone else hate Nickelback, Coldplay, Justin Bieber, Billie Eilish, and Maroon 5? Upvotes to the left
- OMG I never dared to say this out loud, it‘s so controversial yet so true!
- I'm just indifferent to Coldplay and can't even remember who Maroon 5 is. I've also never listened to Billie Eilish, but she has the worst case of resting bitch face I think I've ever seen in my life.
- People hate Billie Eilish?? I don't go out of my way to listen to their stuff, but that latest song "lunch" has been getting a lot of radio play, and it's fuckin hot, like what's not to like