Eat it

Licensed balloon pilot here... The only manned balloon for which you don't need a license (in the US) is an ultralight, weighing less than 155lbs empty.

They do exist, though. They're commonly called "cloudhoppers". They are basically a climbing harness, backpack straps on a propane tank, and an overhead flamethrower, all hanging underneath a pup tent.

Edit: you can increase the weight to 254lbs empty if instead of a "balloon", you build a "thermal airship". Balloons are considered unpowered aircraft because they have no source of propulsion, only lift. Throw some source of propulsion on board - a small electric fan, for example - and it becomes a "powered" aircraft with a higher weight limitation.

Don't forget you're still not allowed in a lot of US Airspace even if you don't require a license for it.
- True. The main airspace restrictions on ultralights that are not on certificated aircraft are a prohibition against flying over congested areas (yellow on a sectional chart), and within the lateral boundaries of Class E airspaces around airports. (You can't fly an ultralight in the class E airspace around an airport, nor in the Class G airspace underneath that Class E)
  Certificated aircraft (including balloons) can be flown over congested areas and within Class E and G airspaces.
  The limitations on flight in A, B, C, and D airspaces are similar for both: flight is prohibited without specific authorization arranged beforehand.
  Interestingly, if an ultralight somehow received permission to enter Class E(controlled) airspace, they still cannot descend into the Class G (uncontrolled) below it. That Class G is within the lateral boundaries of the Class E, and the controller's authority does not extend to that airspace.
- Sure but the vast majority of US airspace is uncontrolled.
- So. What do I do if I start floating over controlled airspace? I can't make it go any other way.
How cool, more about cloudhoppers if you're curious like me. It looks like they start around $23,000, which is a lot considering you can get into paragliding for a lot cheaper than that I think. I would rather paraglide.
- Those $23,000 balloons will be certificated aircraft, and will need a licensed pilot, even though they might otherwise qualify as ultralights.
  Most ultralight cloudhoppers are homebuilt envelopes with commercial burners and fuel systems. Material cost in the neighborhood of $5000.
  My used, complete, certificated system (not a cloudhopper; a regular hot air balloon) was $10,000, including envelope, basket, burners, tanks, fan, trailer, instruments, and a bunch of accessories.
- Join us !paramotor@lemmy.world
TIL I can walk around with a flamethrower as long as I have a balloon strapped to my back
- Pretty much, yes.
  Our burners consume raw, liquid propane, at 150PSI to the blast valve. Normally, when liquid expands into a gas, the temperature drops precipitously, and with it, the pressure. However, we feed that liquid propane into a heat exchanger: the coils at the top of the burner. This superheats the propane, allowing it to vaporize easily and rapidly after it passes through the nozzles on the burner ring.
  The end result is a 30' flame.
  You'd want to fashion some sort of sling and stock to handle that burner without its usual frame but it's certainly doable.
Meanwhile, the FAA is arbitrarily regulating 250 gram RC aircraft as if they're a threat. The industry is simply innovating to increase performance of ultralight RC aircraft to avoid Remote ID requirements.
- To be fair, a 250g RC aircraft can cause a lot of destruction to a plane that's in the process of taking off/landing or to a car on a highway.
  Having said that, they really have gone overboard with the regulation. Restrict airspace near airports and over highways, not something as ambiguous as "over people". They also (still) require a spotter for FPV which is just silly. The point of the spotter is so you can figure out where it went if you lose control (presumably, to take responsibility if it crashes into something important and does some damage). Anyone flying FPV is going to know exactly where the RC aircraft was when they lost control (and modern ones will return themselves home if contact is lost like that).
  They need to focus more on regulating features instead of "what and where". If every RC aircraft has to have a return to home feature that would make more sense than something super ambiguous like, "don't fly above people."
- An RC aircraft is basically a guided missile with a meat grinder at the front. The electric ones are surprisingly more dangerous than the nitro ones. A nitro engine can stall if something gets in the prop. An electric motor just keeps going.
  Go talk to some old geezers at your local RC club, they’ll undoubtedly have some nice tall stories about what happens when props get in contact with body parts.
Off-topic but man look at this cloudhopper community website
https://www.cloudhoppers.org/

Balloon cops

As they are more commonly known the FAA, and their enforcement arm - the USAF

The FAA can command the USAF?
- Not directly, but depending on the airspace you are violating you might end up meeting some people who have absolutely zero chill
- They don't command them, but they call them in like you call the police.
  Fun fact: From time to time, a pilot forgets to change frequency when entering a new area. This means the plane looks like it is not communicating. This is the most common reason why jets are sent to intercept an airliner. Of course, I would pay to see a recording of the pilots as they see the jet in front of them and realize they messed up.
- I mean there was that Chinese balloon last year that was literally shot down by a F-22 so… yes?
- As they're part of the federal government's executive branch, kind of?
They have no jurisdiction in Europe though.
- Air space is regulated and enforced here too. Even for drones.

You need a license. And yes the balloon cops (FAA) will be all over your ass in no time.

How come I don't see any high-speed balloon chases then?
But my BIL had to get a license to fly his drone and needs to get approval from the FAA to go over like 100ft at my MILs house because it's "so close" (like 3 miles in a straight line) to the airport.
- How come I don’t see any high-speed balloon chases then?
  That is impeded by laws higher than your country's.
  CC BY-NC-SA 4.0
- Good thing we took that training course eh Sarge?
You don't need a license to fly a gyrocopter, but you do need to file flight plans in advance.

Depends on if you're a Chinese balloon... in which case... have fun eating AIM-9X Sidewinder missiles fired from a U.S. Air Force F-22 Raptor lol.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2023_Chinese_balloon_incident

https://www.faa.gov/aircraft/air_cert/design_approvals/balloons

Can't believe it was a year ago
Launch hundreds of dummy balloons to waste tens of millions of dollars of the USAF's money.
Or a North Korean balloon
- Those are deadly, you don't want to pop them

https://youtu.be/YRCmmJZRyJs?si=SyUW8QyahSJ0NsKj

Actually .. You do

I'm not sure about lighter than air craft, but in the US you don't need a license to fly microlight aircraft, as long as it's less than 250 pounds and has less than a 5 gallon fuel tank, iirc
Well.... Ya don't.
But you do need a pilot certificate.

The FAA might have something to say about it.

The FAA has nothing to say in my country, they won't stop me from balloning around
- Any country with controlled airspace will have some initialism brigade with something to say about it.

F22s are very fond of balloons

FAA is going to have some choice words (and fines) for you if you fly where you shouldn't

FAA will happily send a Blackhawk to intercept you.

For extra fun you should fly into military airspace and see what happens then.

They shoot those things down with $1.5M anti balloon missiles for sport. Our tax dollars ain't gonna spend themselves.

Joe Biden would like a word with you. He says has he has an F-16.

IIRC there were a lot of irregular things about shooting down a balloon with a missile. Like they never showed anyone what was found, and that guy who was filming the search party but suddenly had to stop and all that

All fun and games until Officer Fulton calls in a skyhook

I think normal guns would be enough so sadly the answer would be normal cops. Boring i know :(

Even more boring, you do need a license.
If you're very unlucky the air force cops would be stopping you
Balloons will fly with an awful lot of holes in them. Even with a 20' vent hole in the top, they take awhile to deflate.
You'd have to hit the pilot or the tanks.
In most of the world, no, it would be the balloon police. Even if normal cops could handle it.
Also, the balloon police has much more impressive weapons.

The monkey holding a dart watching the balloon fly by: "I'm about to end this man's whole career."

Pull over!

Officer I'm pretty sure I saw him eating rice with chopsticks and wearing one of those funny Chinaman hats

Bro don't mess with balloon cups I one inverted a poodle tail at a party still building railroads

I guess a bb wouldnt do much huh

The FAA doesn't issue licenses, but a pilot certificate is required for the balloon pictured.

They'll just wait til you land and arrest you. That happened to the guy that strapped a bunch of balloons to a lawn chair one time.