How can water be so self-absorbed?

Akshually, Michigan-Huron is a single lake, hydrologically speaking of course, which has 1.5 times the surface area of Lake Superior.

But Superior still manages to contain 1.5 times the water volume in just 66% of the surface area, comprising 10% of the surface fresh water on planet earth. That's one deep boi. Aptly named I must say

Lake Baikal has entered the chat

🫣

If you make that argument to Midwesterners at best you will be noggied, have your underwear pulled over your head, and all your linch money taken.
At worst the Cost Guard will come give you a stern talking to since international treaties have determined that Lake Michigan is an entirely US owned body of water that Candad has to keep their dirty paws off of.
- Indeed, hence why I specified hydrologically. Geographically and politically, they are two separate lakes.
  Canada couldn't handle Lake Michigan anyway, it's too warm for them

Gracious of u.s. to share some of them with you guys eh?

I don't think this lake named itself.

Lake is named after a group of indigenous people
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slavey
- Slavey or just Slave is a translation of Awokanak,[2] the name given to Dene by the Cree "who sometimes raided and enslaved their less aggressive northern neighbors".[3][4][5] The names of the Slave River, Lesser Slave River, Great Slave Lake, and Lesser Slave Lake all derive from this Cree nam
  The name Slavey is seldom used by the people themselves, who call themselves Dene. Indigenous ethnonyms for South Slavey people and language are Dehcho, Deh Cho Dene ("Mackenzie River People") or Dene Tha.[6]
  Not really any better
- It's still slavery themed, if not perpetrated by the usual suspects.
  Slavey or just Slave is a translation of Awokanak,[2] the name given to Dene by the Cree "who sometimes raided and enslaved their less aggressive northern neighbors".
  They were literally named slaves by their neighbours, and that is the name we have for them, nice.

In Superior’s defense, the name was given by French speakers and it refers to the lake’s higher elevation. So, superior as in “higher” or “upper”.

Poor Lake St. Clair, the smallest and least non-great great lake

Here's a photo of it:
- Oof, lost my lunch. Disgusting
- I've never seen a more disappointing lake in my life. Truly a stain on the Canada/U.S. border.
wouldnt that make it the most non-great great lake? Or least great great lake?

"Fun" fact about Superior - it's so cold that there isn't much oxygen down there so there are lots of preserved corpses from shipwrecks.

Not just corpses. The wrecks themselves are well-preserved. It's cold, it's freshwater, and has been navigated for long enough that it is one of the best places on earth to study shipwrecks.
But due to the corpses more recent wrecks are very restricted. Basically if the crew members are in living memory they don't want people exploring the wrecks since the bodies are still recognizable.
Cold water actually holds more suspended oxygen than warm water, but the cold itself does inhibit bacteria that would decompose the bodies, so you're mostly correct.

Lake 5 seems to think itself superior. What is it called?

Lake Everyone Else Is Inferior.

LAKE 5: I'll be Gichi-gami

Kinda like Black Lion going 'and I'll form the head.' Like, didn't anyone else on Voltron go 'hey, I wanna be the head today!'

I thought that was GZA's line?

Youre all wet