The Onion is sold to new firm known as Global Tetrahedron

https://global-tetrahedron.com/about

Hmm, I wonder why this shadowy organization sounds so... familiar?

https://www.google.com/search?q=site%3Atheonion.com+%22global+tetrahedron%22

I think it might be safe to file this one under "Good News." It sounds like everyone kept their jobs and the union is intact.