and you will be happy

I'm about to end employee 8675309's whole career*.

As someone who was recently laid off, I can identify. I didn’t see it immediately, but was able to travel to Arizona to catch some spring training baseball with my son and brother. That was all I needed to bounce back. On Monday I start a new job at a healthier company making 25% more money.

"You're not being sacked, no, we are releasing you into a world of opportunity!" Yes, a friend of mine actually heard that one a while ago when he was 'let go'. 🤨

Jesus Christ. Layoffs suck, but can they at least try to be normal human beings about it, and not some kind of incarnation of the LinkedIn feed?
Seriously. I can handle a lot of awful, but that shit makes my blood boil.

If it’s Amazon that’s laying you off, they’ll just shut down your email, Slack, and intranet access before you can start work in the morning, and let you figure the rest out yourself.

Lmao
The standard procedure is to close access during the meeting but that's new level of efficiency
That's pretty standard in tech. Most companies have this automated from either the layoffs convo or the email being sent.
Back in 2012 I was laid off in a very short meeting with my boss and HR. This was at 10am when everyone was in meetings, so I left a quiet office and entered the stairwell to leave. My badge got me on, but I was unable to leave. I spent 20 mins awkwardly waiting for someone to either pass by or notice so that I could be escorted out of the building.
I'm at Amazon now, and some of the stories of people losing access are horrible. Some layoffs coincided with RTO, with some people moving across the country (NYC to Seattle) only to be told once their life was packed up and being shipped away that, actually, there wouldn't be a job to move to. There were also stories of IT failures for people, and people basically breaking down in tears at losing their job, when it was only email downtime.

I work in HR and can tell you this is true

Got the boot from a company.

Here's the BS I had to deal with: -I was dealing with health issues when I was working. -My former coworker actively tried to make my condition worse. -I reported them for this to management & HR -Got fired, as they had friends in HR. -They filled out the unemployment paperwork wrong 4 times. -The unemployment case was so messed up, the local government got involved.

The positives. -Company deamed at fault and heavily scolded by the government. -I got paid more on unemployment than when working. -I make ~25% more at my new job.

That was ~2 years ago.

-I got paid more on unemployment than when working.
How did that one happen? That's the unbelievable part to me - unemployment is basically capped to a percentage (usually 50%) of what you were making when working and vacation pay and partial pay (paychecks from part time work) etc any other non-gift pay also deduct or delay from how much you end up getting paid, at least where I live.
- It happens - especially when company gets in trouble.

How are youuuu?

My boss and HR lady were very solemn when I was laid off from my last job RIGHT BEFORE COVID started. I was BEAMING. HR lady said I was the most unconventional layoff she’s ever done. I thanked her and shook her hand. It was the best thing that happened to me in a long time.

I'm confused. Were you happy because the job sucked or because you were laid off before Covid?
- My job was totally fine, byt my partner had been laid off right before me. I was happy to be able to spend a bunch of time with them—I didn’t even know about COVID yet. Then a couple months later, everything shut down. I didn’t work for years. It was incredible.

HR personnel are such creeps. It really does attract a certain type.

People Team. It's called People Team now.

Bahaha you're only people? I am an authentic Talent, managed by our beloved Talent Managers. Yeah there won't be any raise or bonus this year, the shareholders got all the benefits, but I'm a Talent. Wow this feels great.

I don't... need to see that again. It doesn't matter how good you were. When restructuring happens you lose regardless.

If there was one life experience I wish I can give to people, it's that experience of being fired because of restructuring.
Imagine doing your job well. Imagine even loving your work and your coworkers. Then suddenly, a behind-the-scenes convo led to your department being dissolved and you're out of a job. You didn't do anything wrong. You were just in it's way.
Welcome to life.
- The only responsible thing for the working class to do is to form and maintain stronger unions and unite with all workers.
  I'd prefer teaching this kind of thing.
- We made some bad bets and we're confident in our decision to let you go.

Resource. It's in the name. Dehumanization.

You'd be shocked the depravity people will sink to once others are no longer human in their eyes.

Empathy is not weakness, do not let our current economic system fool you. Nothing lasts forever.

That's why they have been rebranded as "people team". Soon they will be rebranded "family council" because people is too steryl, and we're all a family after all.

Oh sure, but if you look a little beyond the surface you'd see people who also just want to keep their jobs, just like you.

It's easy to vilify those you don't like, it's hard to really look at them and see that they aren't that different from us

Okay but wanting to keep your job as a nurse at a charity clinic and wanting to keep your job as an IDF colonel are not the same.
Except they have access to everyone's salaries so they have greater bargaining power than we do. Not exactly the same as the average employee at a company.
Shit take. People that take HR jobs are that different than us. It's like cops, the job only attracts the exact type of person that shouldn't be doing that job.
- Some time ago, I met an HR person at my job. She wasn't actually part of the workplace HR team, rather, she was more like a classmate of mine, but she had worked as HR in the past and wanted to continue to do so in the future. She was kind and polite, so I never had any beef with her, but she consistently had the shittiest, most inhumane takes on how to manage and interact with people I had seen in a while lol.
  Meeting her made me arrive at the conclusion that you just said. Empathetic people that get into HR with the idea of helping make the world a better place would eventually resign or, at least, be very ineffective as HR. The only people capable of staying in HR for a long time are sociopaths who don't mind lying and being obtuse in job offers, and ruining someone's life so their boss can squeeze a couple of extra cents. The profession itself only serves to make companies more ruthless and adds nothing of value to the world.
- I've never met a HR person I liked. The best I could feel twords then was quiet toleration... Now Ops folks, those people busy their asses to keep the ship from sinking.

Felt good the day I told HR they didnt need to invest any more resources to "help" me. I was done and the boss clearly didnt care about having me around so I told them to fire me.

Is this an actress, or am I missing a reference?

It looks like Anne Hathaway, who is a pretty well known actress.
I think it's also in reference to people getting fired over zoom. Also, it could be referencing how gen z will record their firings now and post them to tiktok to shame the company, LOL. I love gen z!

If past.lives are real then every hr employee across the globe had a past life as some middle manag3mentnpaper.pusher making the Holocaust possible.

If you work in hr there's about a 99℅ you are irredeemably evil.

Actually...
Most people doing their job quite literally are just doing their job, trying to make it to the end of the day. Believe me, even people in hr love their children, worry about the future, worry about their job, have hopes, fears and dreams and have to contend with shitty bosses.
Can you imagine one day the CEO coming in with a list of people that YOU have to fire, that YOU have to face, that will cry and yell in front of you as if you're the one who did this to them?
Most people are pretty okay, actually, and not remotely evil. They might do bad things because they're pressured or feel pressured, most people don't enjoy firing others.
- Just following orders.

Fire me? Fire deez nuts in your mouth HAHAHAAAAAAA gottem

You should try that when you get fired or "let go"

Would you prefer them be weeping? No really I wonder which people like getting bad news from more, happy or sad people.

I prefer them to not be enjoying it, nor taking it lightly that I’m losing my income and I’ll be struggling over the next series of months to make ends meet.
I would rather they self-flagellate throughout the entire process.
- Better than self flatulating
I mean, I’d like them to act like they feel bad. I think that’s what most people are after. Some semblance of “this is wrong and I’m sorry”

Human capital management is pleased to announce there was an error on your hiring contract so you will be getting a 3% paycut

I'm going through it right now. Got a good review, but was demoted, but they didn't expect me to actually stay, so they are forcing me to quit

I'm triggered

Sub that cutie for a fatass overcheerful teddybear lookin dude and i been there