1y ago

Folksy stuff

26 comments

This is entirely true.
- According to this two year old over here, it is not
My pops says first you learn mama and dada, then you learn no
- My daughter started with no. 🥲
What makes you think that the folk tale was made up, rather than a reimagined life story 😇
Only if you use a dismissive parenting style.
- translation: git gud at gnome tricking
- Dealing with an oppositional toddler doesn't mean you're a dismissive parent. You can be as in tune as possible with your child's emotions, and they'll still have plenty of moments where they'll scream at you and refuse to do something just because you asked them to do it.
  Learning how to convince them to do something in a way that they're amenable to is practically the opposite of being dismissive. You're not minimizing how they feel, you're just working towards a goal in a way that suits both people. Being a dismissive parent would be continuing to go down the same paths that lead to fighting, because clearly you don't care about how your child feels about it.
  
  Many years, ago, early morning routine. I needed to go to work, so I just just told my then 3 1/2y old daughter she couldn't go to kindergarden right now, we go a little later.
  Stamping her foot, "Nooooooo, I want to go now"
  "Ok, if you insist...."
  (That was in the "learning to say no" phase when she said "no" to everything for a time)
  
  I agree. But it all depends on how you do that.
  The key is not trying to trick them. Acknowledging their feelings as valid, helping them identify what they are feeling, and help them soothe.
  A dismissive parent doesn't have to ignore a child. Just dismiss that child's emotions as irrational or not helpful. They might use distractions or tricks which may limit the ability to do the above.
  At the end of the day, tricking a child is not a good parenting style even though it can be cute and even funny.
- I think you are focusing way too hard on tricking being negative, when it doesn't have to be. Example:
  "Pick up these toys" - direct, boring, likely to be ignored.
  "Can you dance the whole time you are putting toys away?" - fun, presents a challenge to overcome, at least maybe burning some energy.
  The second one could be considered a trick, but it's not dismissive or mean and it teaches that chores can be made fun.
  
  Can confirm, dancing while doing chores continues to be the way to go as an adult
  
  Yep, totally agreed.
- What do you mean by a "dismissive parenting style"?
  
  I have no clue what this means either. I have never heard another parent say it or even read about it as a parent.
  
  I'm using language from Dr. John Gottman in Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child. This blog post is pretty much what's in the book.
  https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-parenting-styles/
- Dude, my niece would answer ‘no’ to any question asked of her, then follow up with ‘yes’ if she liked it/wanted to do it.
  Learning a kid’s quirks is just part of parenting. What the heck are you on about?
  
  I answered this in other comments in this post already and don't want to spam. But basically children are capable of logic and you can convince them to do things without tricks or distractions.
- This commenter has never lived with a child.

26 comments