Well, let's face it, the first Witcher game had more than its fair share of problems...

The first witcher game was what introduced me to the series a year ago. Yes, it looks like shit on first sight but once you get used to it its one of the best games ever made imo. The story, the depth, the mechanics were pretty awesome for the time.

My favorite mechanic was the running across an endless field from village to tiny village to collect nude cards of the local ladies.
... I may have spent a lot of time in the first chapter.
- Yes indeed!
I tried it a few years ago and I kept doing front flips for some reason, asked someone on reddit, got called stupid for not knowing and some variations of get gud, so I deleted it
Why with the unrelenting front flips?
- No idea. I‘d say your mistake was coming to reddit for help in gaming. Lemmy isnt better but i think the gaming subs are quite brutal.
We might be soulmates

You know what this needs? Microtransactions. Shareholders will love it.

The Witcher 1 is a god damn masterpiece and I will die on that hill.

It's got one thing really going for it and that's the story. There's some nice ideas about consequences along the way. There's not really any bad choices to make, but sometimes there aren't any good ones either.
But the gameplay is a hodgepodge of things that don't fit. It's a top down ARPG battered roughly into the shape of a third person brawler. I can see why it's getting a remake.
- You think that, but you've fallen for their clever tricks.
  Witcher 1 was a CRPG. It was just a heavily modified Neverwinter Nights, aka DND, complete with d20 combat and skill rolls. That's one of the reasons they reached out to Bioware for help making it :)
  Sure, they slapped the sword switching and stance stuff on top but ultimately you might as well have been rolling dice to hit.
I loved it and I was really excited about the sequel, which I hated. They ruined the combat.
- Saying they ruined the combat is an incredibly hottake
It doesn't hold up well at all... Heck, I'm sure it must have felt outdated when it released.
- Graphically it was considered top notch IIRC

The meme is completely on point. I mean, I know I'll be roasted for this, but I hated pretty much everything about The Witcher, instantly.

It gave me valuable perspective on what ALL fantasy stuff must look like to people who never fuck with fantasy stuff, and generally dislike it. I only played a few hours of it, and the whole time I was like "they're not adequately explaining what a 'witcher' really even is. They're not introducing the worldbuilding stuff in a way that makes me give a shit about it. And the main-character-has-lost-his-memory trope is just waaaaaay too overdone, in the first place. This is all just boring me. And now I'm getting...ummm...some kind of virtual post-coital trading card? To commemorate my character boning this redheaded fantasy ho? Okay? That seems sort of classless."

Keep in mind, I do like fantasy shit. I defend "genre fiction," whenever I see people employing that phrase as an epithet. But "The Witcher" made me realize what it must really look like, when you're a non-genre person, looking in from the outside.

Basically, it was both an enlightening and depressing experience.

EDIT: I really hate the fact that I only remembered anything about that fantasy ho, because the stupid 'sexcard' helped me fucking remember it. Goddammit. I guess it worked? If it was trying to make me remember that shit? Is that why it exists? Then why did it ONLY give me a little flashcard for my dick-related accomplishments? There are probably people who will think I'm being prudish or overly "politically correct." Whatever. Think what you want. I just think that shit is fucking classless, like I said.

People already thought it was classless in 2007, and that's the time when everyone thought the r-word was the funniest shit and David Jaffe was a respectable game developer
- So... the r-word isn't funny anymore?
The Witcher 1 was honestly pretty mid, I agree with your criticisms. It coasted on an open world, a 3-style fighting system, and the appeal of being a Fantasy Detective(tm).
The Witcher 3 was genuinely great though, definite recommend.
- I do keep hearing that, from a lot of people. I might mess with it, eventually. I'm sure it goes on sale for the price of a bucket of popcorn, pretty frequently.
I forced myself to finish it (fucking third chapter) because everyone keeps saying how good the third one is and I just couldn't be bothered to go past the tutorial of the second one after playing the first game...
- There is no reason the play 1 before 2 and 3. And you don't need to play 2 to play 3 either, though at least tw2 is a good game.
Agree to most but, memory loss overdone a la 2007? So a game.yhat was developed in the several years prior even?
- The "main character has amnesia" trope was already overdone in 1907, bro.

Probably the most outdated thing about it was how it was clearly written and developed for the male gaze. I don’t even mean the sex cards, I mean how Triss and Shani are purely there as objects of attraction with hardly any personality aside from being sexy women.

If you're going for a remake and not a remaster, why wouldn't you change a bunch of stuff? Let's face it, there will be a fair a share of people who have only played Witcher 3 and they will probably hate the remake if it's not as good or does stuff completely different.