HOW MUCH OF AN EFFECT DO THEY REALLY HAVE IN MULTIPLAYER, THO???

If you fall into a pit and have coins, Lakitu will put you a bit ahead instead of behind.

Shit, I forgot about that. Is that just if you have more than zero, though?

I think the game iteration matters.

This is anecdotal, but I feel like the coins made a noticeable different in the SNES Mario Kart title, but are mostly negligible or minor in impact in the Switch Mario Kart title, for instance.

I believe coins have an impact on your stats also, speed handling acceleration and the like.
Minimal impact but it’s there.
They also provide a minor speed boost when you run over them if I remember correctly.
I think you might be right, but I've also heard people swear that always having 10 coins is basically necessary, in order to be consistently good in the current version.
It's always an argument, hence the meme.

Coins in Mario Kart make a pretty substantial difference. The speed difference between someone with 0 coins and someone with 10 coins is pretty huge. I typically won't go too far out of my way for coins, but will try and pick up 10 by the end of the first lap.

They do nothing... right?

They raise you maximum speed, iirc.
- Yep. But the argument is always, like, how much should you really be going for max coins, in a multiplayer race? And how much does that really affect who wins?
  Are the people who collect all 10 coins that you can hold winning because they're 10 percent faster, or do they just wind up with all 10 coins more often, because they aren't getting knocked out as much? And therefore, those are also the fastest people, so they win more races?
  People argue over the minutia of this shit.
- Yeah they increase top speed. You can collect 10 maximum coins. Also they unlock car customizations after you get certain amounts.
Their sound give you a small dopamine boost
They make you go a bit faster (and they unlock vehicles and characters)

My argument is always, what scrub can't get the bare minimum? My niece could pull that off at 5 on the switch version. My mom could do it on the original. Both totally filthy casuals.

I have arthritis and I can manage it.

Freaking noobs ;)

"Everyone's good at Mario Kart, Obi-Wan. It has auto-steering."
Qui-Gon Jin
Also, "the original", you mean Mario Kart on SNES?
- Yeah, at least that's the first one I'm aware of.

If you have all 10 they make a good difference. Since all players will choose fast vehicles, having a little boost can often make a difference in a head to head situation.

In battle mode they can determine what place you get at the end of the match.