Vivek Ramaswamy suspends presidential campaign

This is the best parody I could come up with:

Vivek Ramaswamy is suspending his campaign for the Republican presidential nomination and has informed his team to go fuck themselves because he got his, an official tells CNN. In the early hours of Tuesday morning, the former candidate was spotted in the parking lot of the News Corp. Building offering free handies for any executive who would give him an interview for a cushy political consulting gig.

This story is breaking, but who really gives a shit if it's updated? Ramaswamy was an also-ran when he started, and now he's a has-been. Other possible hyphenated verb compounds include Trump-slurper and woman-hater.

The original article contains 28 words, this summary contains more (and is entirely useless). Saved an arbitrarily large negative percent. I’m not a bot and I’m not open source! I'm just an asshole who hates what these Republican pricks are doing to democracy, and this comment is a parody. Salt grains advised.

Good human.
Lmaooo please find a way to make this a bot
Trump-slurper
I have a new insult for GOP now. thank you for that.
This made my morning.

Brown man gargles white supremacist's balls. Is disappointed they still don't love him. More at 9.

Seriously!
Ramaswamy then formally endorsed former President Donald Trump
This man has some loud cognitive dissonance he is trying to harmonize.
- His goal is to be Trump's VP pick

"A vote for Vivek is a vote for the 'other side,'" Trump said. So Vivek rolls over and supports Trump?

Call me a conspiracy theorist, but Vivek feels like a plant. He was supposed to fail. I think several candidates are being used to funnel different types of Republicans "back home" to Trump by building a following and then dropping out after Trump says something he thinks is destroying. He's setting up a house of cards to blow it over.

Meh. The GOP primaries are just running for the position of Vice President. Whichever candidate does the things Trump likes the most will get to be his running mate. The rest will get to write a book and go on FOX News to talk about how they're totally bucking the extreme Republican party by being mavericks and standing up to extremism or some shit.
- Or a cabinet position.
I mean, they were all destined to fail. They know they don't have a chance against the MAGA cult. Maybe DeSantis thought he had a shot a year ago, but he failed to evolve and got caught in this eternal cycle of kissing trumps ass and occasionally offering mild critiques. Haley is just there to build her national profile. Vivek is most likely a paid troll of some kind, but who is paying him is anyone's guess. But yeah, his purpose was to make everyone else look dumb and weak while also kissing trumps ass. He was a proxy trump.
- Ron might have had a real shot before he took on the Mouse in a legal battle, any loss is seen as weakness and that can’t be abided by the GOP. Disney may be evil themselves but they did everyone a solid by crushing him out like a cigarette even if it was in self interest
Did anyone think the racist, white supremacy party was going to go for him?
- No, but it's easier for Republicans to test their racist, bigoted talking points with a brown person instead of a white person. I am convinced that's all he was there for.
- Maybe they're branching to caste discrimination. Would be a bold new acquisition to bolster their roster.
I think it's too much work to be a plant at this level. He was genuinely running. However, it wasn't going to happen. I think his next move is to show how much of a Trumper he is, hence the endorsement and all the solidarity moves re: state ballots, to try to get Trump's VP pick. Trump will probably take Haley though for the constituency she'd bring (and female VPs are all the rage nowadays).

He had to come up for air sometime, he's been gargling Trump's balls so hard that I can't imagine he's slept recently.

Now he has more time to focus on his career as a rapper.

Looks like he's going to have to come up with his own lyrics, though.
- Oh he already has. That's how we all know 'Vivek' rhymes with 'cake.'
🤣🤣🤣🤣

One of the clowns spewing insane reactionary bullshit so he can cede to Trump and write a book to launder money
- I'm quite sure he wants to be VP.

It's in the Megapost, but it's about Ramaswany rather than the election so it's cool.

He's endorsed Trump BTW.

After verbally fellating him for months? shocked Pikachu face
- So ... fellating Trump ... with his mouth?
I can imagine Trump going on tv tomorrow, "Vivek, look at this Vivek I said. Real loser this guy, real loser. Have you seen this guy's wife? Real dog, he married a dog. A whole family of dogs that one..."
And Vivek would still get down and kiss the ring d and suck Trump's Toad
He’s endorsed Trump BTW.
Well I didn't expect him to endorse Dean Phillips.

Wild that the GOP had two Indian candidates do so well in their primary.

it helps when they both made their entire campaign about pandering to white supremacists.

This is the best summary I could come up with:

Vivek Ramaswamy is suspending his campaign for the Republican presidential nomination and has informed his team, an official tells CNN.

This story is breaking and will be updated.

The original article contains 28 words, the summary contains 28 words. Saved 0%. I'm a bot and I'm open source!

Don't let it get you down, bot...it was a really short article

Man, the streamer Squeex has been playing GTA RP as Vivek "Ramasquamy" and it has ruined my ability to say his name normally.

Its honestly sad though that a streamer basing his satirical character on a real politician says shit that isnt as outlandish as the actual politician.

✌️ DAAAYYY ONEE ✌️

but he had the coveted elon musk endorsement.

The sad defeated look on his face brings warmth and joy to this cold winter day.

Good.

Wow what are the chances LOL

Praise science!

It was his time to do so.

I'll see ya out the trail