Dad Jokes !dadjokes@lemmy.world

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I work in quality control at a scissors company

I'm finally writing a dad joke about herbs.

What happens when you don't obey they KGB?

It's too good tuba true

No lies detected

Opening the microwave to retrieve my sandwich: "Ow! This is hot!"

Excel-sior!

I gave my handyman a todo list, but he only did items 1, 3 and 5.

If your house is cold, just stand in the corner. It’s always 90 degrees there.

It's useful that my dog floats.

…then I accidentally ate my cat’s meds

I ate a clock yesterday

I was really nervous about my first day working at Olive Garden

No way a horse drew this...

Why is bees' hair sticky?

It has been forever and I still cannot find a water filter that filters out dihydrogen monoxide--why can't they make one that does this?

Why did the cheeseburger get in a fight with the veggie burger?

Dad?

What do you call a really old snowman?

Which city is the biggest naysayer?